First Steps for moms with ADHD attention deficit disorder, Part 1 #001
First Steps for moms with attention deficit disorder, Part 1: Today on Motherhood in ADHD, we are discussing the first steps. Part 1 discusses the importance of obtaining a professional diagnosis, why it is important to understand how your brain functions, and finding a few cheerleaders to keep your spirits up.
Patricia Sung 00:02
Welcome to motherhood in ADHD. I'm your friend Patricia Sung. My mission is to be a lighthouse for mothers with ADHD, helping you find your path to success by learning to appreciate your ADHD as an asset. I'm seeking to change the paradigm that ADHD means your life is doomed to be a hot mess. So I'm sharing strategies and encouraging you in your pursuit of happiness, to love who you are every day of your ADHD life.
Patricia Sung 00:31
I am so excited and thankful that you are here. To kick off my very first podcast, we are going to chat about some of the first things you should do as a mama with ADHD. And this is going to take us a few episodes. So specifically, in this episode, we are talking about learning about attention deficit disorder, and how it affects you and finding some cheerleaders.
Patricia Sung 01:00
Alright, first things first, you need to get a diagnosis from a licensed professional. And I know that that is scary and overwhelming and expensive. And something you probably don't want to do. But it is really important to know what you were dealing with just in case you don't have attention deficit disorder and you're dealing with something else, you want to make sure that all the effort you are putting in are going to get you the results were that you want and not results that are misdirected and misguided.
Patricia Sung 01:34
So, first step is to find someone that is an expert in this field, who will listen to you and hear you out and say yeah, this is this is what we're dealing with. And here's what we're gonna do going forward.
Patricia Sung 01:51
The next part is to really learn about it. There are two different types, you have the inattentive versus the hyperactive, and then you also have the combination of the two. Just understanding how your brain works. I have a few resources on my website that can get you started. But just take some time to figure out what does this mean? How does my brain function, it's really a lot easier to deal with something when you understand it attention deficit or really affects your executive function. So things like planning, organizing, completing tasks, your working memory, cognitive flexibility, inhibitory control, so you know, self control, these are the things that are going to be the hardest to deal with. It's so important to look at yourself, and where are you struggling, I want you to take a couple minutes and write down where the, I would say three to five areas that you're really struggling with. Because from there, you can prioritize what you want to tackle first. And I understand that you're looking at what are you struggling with right now. Life is a fluid and ever changing thing. And especially with motherhood, you're always going to be in a new season. It's a blessing and a curse is that once you kind of get the rhythm down, your kids change and grow and you're in a new season. And so look not at the future, what ifs, but really right now, what are you struggling with. And that way you can prioritize what to tackle first.
Patricia Sung 03:35
For me personally, the things that I struggle with the most are stick to itiveness. So I know that I'm really great at kicking off projects and getting things started and organizing things from the initial start. But then after that, once it gets into like maintenance mode, I find it incredibly boring. And so I know that if I'm working on something that's hitting maintenance mode, I either need to find somebody else to do the maintenance. Or I need to have a plan on how I'm going to stick to something that I can't, that I can't just give away to somebody else. And so just keeping that plan in the forefront is really important. And another thing I really struggle with is short term memory. When I originally got my diagnosis at 18 in the battery of tests that I went through, it tested to have the short term memory of a third grader, which is rough. So I write down everything. Literally everything I tell my husband if you don't see me write down something when you tell me it like it didn't happen. It doesn't exist. You never even said it. Because I won't remember especially now that I'm a mom definitely got some rain going on, you know, you're not sleeping that great. All the, you know, combination of everything is not conducive to good memory. And so I have strategies to keep up with all of that stuff. And so for those two things, I feel like I've made a lot of progress. But I will say that the two areas that I struggle with a lot, but I don't feel like I've made as much progress.
Patricia Sung 05:27
The first one would be time management, I have zero concept of time, it is a real struggle for me, I think I can do everything in 10 to 15 minutes, I can drive anywhere in 10 to 15 minutes, including like a parking garage and walking into a building. I just magically appear there at the office somehow, when it's time, you know, getting ready to go, I know that, oh, yeah, I can definitely get done this, you know, I can finish one more thing. And no, I can. One more thing done. And so that's something that I really struggle with a lot. And it's not something that I feel, even though I have a lot of strategies in place, it's just something I'm you know, I'm going to struggle with. For the long haul, I don't think I'm ever going to convince my brain that things take an hour to complete. So I'm hoping that one day, my mindset will change. But I'm incredibly optimistic in what can be accomplished in a short amount of time. And the other thing that I'm really struggling still with is the perfectionism that comes with, especially women and attention deficit disorder, because for me, I have the inattentive type. And so it's not as obvious that I have attention deficit disorder, because I'm not hyperactive running around all over the place. So growing up when I was being quote, unquote, careless, people will tell me Well, you know, if you would just pay attention more, then you wouldn't make that mistake. Or if you would have checked your homework better than you would have caught the quote unquote, careless mistakes. And so when you have this constant narrative as a child of, well, you should have been more careful, you should have checked that better. You feel like you're not living up to the standards. And that leads into anxiety, which is also very common with women with attention deficit disorder, because they have this perfectionism mentality, that they if they just tried a little harder than they would have caught that problem or fixed that problem or achieved that thing they didn't quite get. And it's hard to rewrite that narrative of perfectionism to know that I am good enough. And it's not that I didn't try hard enough, it's just my brain functions differently. And I need to have different strategies in place than just trying harder or being more careful. And so this is something that I've really delved into for the last year is just being more honest with myself and learning who I am and being okay with not being perfect. Understanding that doing my best is good enough. And, you know, I do want to say like, I was lucky to have great parents who my dad always asked me like you did you do your best, okay, then that then that's good enough. But it didn't overwrite all the other messages that were given to me as a child of just trying to be more careful more of that.
Patricia Sung 08:32
So it's almost led into like obsessive compulsiveness in being careful. And so I have the habit of rereading emails five or six times before I send them. Even when it's not something that important, I will still check obsessively to make sure they're correct. And so it's been a lot of work in the last year of just letting go of that perfectionism. And knowing that who I am is good enough. I know that that's something I'm gonna have to work more than a year on to rewrite my internal voice, saying yes, you are good and you are wonderful. And I want to tell you that today as you're listening, you are good and you are wonderful and you are perfect. Just the way you are, if there isn't ever a moment where you're going to achieve this level of perfectionism that it makes everything okay, you are made beautiful in just the way you are.
Patricia Sung 09:30
So the last thing I want to touch on is find your village. Find that support system that's going to encourage you that is going to be there for you. That is going to do all of the cheerleading when you're struggling and this can look different. It can be a village in so many ways. I hope that you can find a family member or two that will be supportive. I'm very lucky that my husband is Is is really great about being supportive, even though he really doesn't understand how my brain works. Most of the time, he's my cheerleader when it comes to time management and keeping me on track.
Patricia Sung 10:10
So I encourage you to find somebody in your family who can do that for you. I know that that's not always the case with spouses, because obviously how our brain functions directly affects them, you know, top three, yourself, your spouse and your kids. So I understand how frustrating that could be for them. So if it's not your spouse, you know, if you have a sibling or an aunt, an uncle, somebody, grandparents, family, parents, that will be there for you to be encouraging, find your mom village, especially if you can find other moms with attention deficit disorder, who understand what you're dealing with, if it's an online community, we're going to be starting a Facebook group pretty soon here, find that friend group that's going to support you. And this can also include professional people that you know, you are paying to be supportive if you have a coach or a therapist, or a psychiatrist, or a psychologist or any professional person who's there, maybe it's through an exercise group, or a mom group at the library.
Patricia Sung 11:18
I mean, really, wherever you can find people who will understand that you were different, but not broken, and will be supportive in that and aren't going to get super frustrated all the time. I mean, I know that being involved with an attention deficit person is frustrating, quite often, but that their understanding of who you are and what you need. Okay, so let's sum it up. The first step in what to do when you realize you have attention deficit disorder, is to learn about it. So one, get your medical or licensed professional diagnosis, dive in to learning about it, research it, understand how your brain works, what is being affected, then figure out where your strugglers are going to be in this season that you're in, I think it's pretty easy to point them out at first brush, but also, you know, kind of you got to sit in it for a minute, and figure out how your life is being affected by it, and what are the things that that you want to tackle first.
Patricia Sung 12:23
And then lastly, find your village, find that support system, it's going to be a trial and error. And you're going to find some people who are not supportive probably before you find some people that are but keep looking for those folks that are going to be there for you. I just want to encourage you that you are wonderful, and you are beautiful. And together we're going to find your success story with your ADHD. All right. My first podcast is in the books and I'm very proud of myself that I overcame my fear of doing this whole project. I hope that you feel encouraged and ready to take that next step on your journey to happiness.
Patricia Sung 13:02
We'll talk soon successful mama Thank you for listening to motherhood in ADHD. For more resources, head over to our website. www dot motherhoodinadhd.com