First Steps for moms with ADHD attention deficit disorder, Part 3 #003
First Steps for moms with attention deficit disorder, Part 3: A podcast of encouragement and strategy on how to make your motherhood with ADHD better day by day. Today on Motherhood in ADHD, we are discussing the first steps. In Part 3, I’m talking about being honest with yourself, as it will allow you room to grow.
Patricia Sung 00:03
Welcome to motherhood in ADHD. I'm your friend Patricia Sung. My mission is to be a lighthouse for mothers with ADHD, helping you find your path to success by learning to appreciate your ADHD as an asset. I'm seeking to change the paradigm that ADHD means your life is doomed to be a hot mess. So I'm sharing strategies and encouraging you in your pursuit of happiness to love who you are every day of your ADHD
Patricia Sung 00:40
Hey there, it's your friend Patricia. We are working on our series of what to do. And the first steps when you find out you're a mom with ADHD. Today we are talking about self honesty, dun, dun dun. Now I found this really beautiful quote online from and I hope I don't butcher this person's name, Elise and of gnostic ease. They said, self honesty is an act of courage, requiring you to confront to yourself with the whole you with all the good and all the bad. self criticism is an act of judgment, meaning you're blaming yourself, whenever you're not living up to your own standards, man, I was like, Oh, that's so good. Because today, we are not criticizing, we are being honest with ourselves. It is just so important to be honest with yourself, because we have struggles, y'all struggles. And so knowing where you are struggling, will help it be better. And I know that doesn't really sound good at first, because we get focused on the negative part. But it really has benefited me to be honest with myself to make improvement.
Patricia Sung 01:54
Now, I am sure that we've all heard this quote before. And there's a big argument about who said it, so I'm not going to touch on that. So it goes, Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid. Now I bring this up, because obviously a fish is not going to climb a tree. And if you're comparing it to monkeys, that will use it to look way more awesome than the fish, there is still a way for a fish to get to the top of a tree, it's just not going to do it like the monkey did. And so we have to remember that our brain is different. It functions in a different way. It does different things. Neurologically, it is not the same as other people's brains. And so we have to do things in a different way. And as long as you keep your mind on that different way of doing things, instead of comparing yourself to what everybody else is doing, then you'll be alright. Yeah, it's disappointing that we can't do things the way that everybody else does. But you know, I can't be a fish trying to climb a tree, no one's got time for that we have people to raise things to do places to go.
Patricia Sung 03:02
So what I want to focus on is if I need to get to the top of the tree, finding my own way to do it. And this is where self honesty comes in, is that you can't fix a problem that you don't know about. So you have to take a good look at yourself, and be honest and say, here's what I'm really good at. Because don't forget the positive part. And here's where I need to make improvements. So start with those positives first, if that makes you feel better, or you can wrap up with positives, whatever your personality swing store. So one example I have a friend who has ADHD, and she is the hostess with the most SEO, she will host anything, anytime, doesn't matter what it is, she will host. And it's amazing to me because she doesn't mind if there is a kid eating pasta sauce on her white couch, she rolls with it. She lives in the chaos, she thrives in the chaos. And I would panic if there were kids running around my house with food, like we don't leave the kitchen with food. So that is such a gift for her to be so hospitable to everyone. You never feel uncomfortable in her house. That is such a beautiful positive.
Patricia Sung 04:13
So if you want to dive deep into looking at what you need to improve, I love the book, The disorganized mind by Nancy Reddy. And she is a woman with ADHD herself and she coaches people with ADHD. And part of the exercise in the book is writing down what are the things that you're struggling with? What's the outcome of that? And then you go back and talk about how you're going to fix it. And so, for me, one of the things that I really struggle with is perfectionism. And the cause of that is really a distractibility, which I never put two and two together before, but the problem is I don't focus on the right things. I get caught up in the details, then I don't enjoy it. It's because I'm being overly critical of myself. Example whenever I do a POC cast, I want to edit it six ways till Sunday. But in the time that I would edit one episode, I probably could have recorded and edited three episodes, and how much more of a blessing would I be if I gave you three times the information rather than having the exact, perfect audio for one. And so that's one of the things that I'm really being honest with myself about is that, that's so hard for me not to make it perfect. But that's not what's most important, what's most important is getting this information out there and encouraging you all that we can be great.
Patricia Sung 05:40
Another thing that I really have to be honest about is my terrible time management. I always think I can do one more thing, I think everything's gonna take 10 to 15 minutes, and it doesn't, when I look at that struggle, it affects my life, because I get super stressed out, then I'm running late, then I hurt other people's feelings, because I'm late meeting them. It's just hard. One of the things that I'm doing to improve that is trying to listen better to my husband, I don't know why I can't get it through my fixed goal that I have no time management ability. But when my husband is saying it's time to go, we need to leave in my head. I'm thinking, what we don't need to leave this early. We have plenty of time. But I need to stop being self righteous in that. I know better than him because I don't I'm not good at this.
Patricia Sung 06:33
So I just have to trust that he's correct. Stopping myself in that moment where I want to argue and say, That's not right. We don't need this much time and just saying, Okay, let's get in the car. That's really hard for me. But I need to be honest with myself that that's not what I'm good at. And he is good at that. He's one of those people who thinks if you're early, you're on time, if you're on time, you're late. And if you're late, it's unthinkable. And so I just need to stop being self righteous and saying, This is not true. Patricia, you are not good at this. Just listen to the people who are.
Patricia Sung 07:07
So homework for this week is knowing your limits. Take a few minutes. Think about what you are good at what are you not good at? And being honest with yourself. And where those struggles are? Take a few minutes to identify those struggles. Think about what's the outcome of them. Why is this so important to you? What's causing the issue? And then how can you improve it don't go crazy trying to fix all the problems at once. Just pick one of those things that you've identified that you want to work on, and just focus on that one thing for this week. And remember, no criticism, just honesty. All right, successful mama. I'll talk to you soon. Thank you for listening to motherhood and ADHD. For more resources, head over to our website. www.motherhoodinadhd.com