Is ADHD an Explanation or Excuse? It's not the easy way out. #011
ADHD explains a lot of why we do what we do and why we are the way we are. But there is a fine line between explaining why we do (or don't do) something, and allowing ourselves to use that explanation to habitually excuse ourselves from improving. Are you struggling with this like I am? Just a little self-conviction this week.
Patricia Sung 00:03
Welcome to motherhood in ADHD, I'm your friend Patricia. My mission is to be a lighthouse for mothers with ADHD, helping you find your path to success by learning to appreciate your ADHD as an asset I'm seeking to do change the paradigm that ADHD means your life is doomed to be a hot mess. So I'm sharing strategies and encouraging you in your pursuit of happiness to love who you are every day of your ADHD
Patricia Sung 00:39
Hey there successful mama. So in my mom's group, we were having some prayer time yesterday, and I got a really like a hard word. It was hard. I very clearly heard, Patricia, you are using your explanations as excuses. Huh? Huh, huh. And the reason I was thinking about this is because I was really frustrated because I read the book miracle morning a little while ago, and I was really excited to, you know, get up early and start doing his whole system of like, having time in the morning to do the six things to like, set off your day, on the right foot, feeling productive and getting things done. And I was super jazzed about it. And I like had an accountability partner. And then of course, you know, the wheels fell off the bus really quickly, because like, my dad had a really bad accident. And we're dealing a lot with like, you know, er, ICU, hospital follow ups. And then like, one of the kids got some kind of flu thing. And then we weren't sleeping and like, oh, seven was, it was okay for those things to be a reason that I wasn't getting up early, for a little while. But then it became my habit, that I wasn't getting up early because of all these excuses. And so my explanations had shifted from explaining why things weren't happening fact, to excuses, explaining them in like an emotional way. So for me to have said, I'm making this commitment to myself, and I'm gonna get up early, and then to only have accomplished it like two or three times in like, almost like three months now. That's an epic fail, straight up. But I can't let that explanation of why things derailed become my excuse for why they're continuing not to get better. And I was thinking back a couple days before, so I was leaving physical therapy. And I heard the lady say that she was checking in late for her appointment. And she made some flippant comment of like, well, I'm just always late to expect me to be here on time. It's just totally unrealistic. And I thought, one, I felt like he probably has ADHD, and to how sad is it, that she's resigned herself, like knowing I have this flaw, but it can never be changed, it can never get better.
Patricia Sung 03:17
That's sad, like, we can always do better. I'm not saying that we're not going to be late. We're going to be late. We have ADHD, we don't have any sense of time. That is what it is. But that doesn't say that we can't get better at it. And I want to make sure that I'm not using my ADHD as an excuse and explains a lot of how I work and why I do the things I do. But it's not an excuse. It's not okay to give up. It's not okay to not put in the effort or not to try just because it's harder for me or just because I have to have different strategies in place, or I have to do extra research, or I have to ask more questions, or I'm gonna have to spend more money on this to make it happen. Doesn't mean that it still is okay not to happen. Like, I just have to put in more effort. Like does that suck? Yeah, it sucks. But it's still the truth like me being grumpy about it doesn't change the fact that I have ADHD and doesn't change the fact that it's going to be hard. But I refuse to sit back and just Let life be okay.
Patricia Sung 04:20
I don't know if you've seen those commercials. The commercial Where's like the couple is about to leave the house. And the babysitter's like, what's your Wi Fi password? I mean, I'm not like really going to do much like I'm just okay with kids and their faces, like, you know, jaw drops to the ground and the slogan is like, just okay is not okay, like, I don't want my life to be just okay. I want my life to be great. So I have to make a constant effort to overcome the hurdles that I have in front of me and not let those explanations become excuses. So that's what I want to challenge you with today. Ma. Are you using one of your explanations as an excuse? Is there something that you know deep down in your bones that you're supposed to make a change about, but you're letting that explanation be an excuse, of why things aren't getting done. And it's okay that you don't have to put in the effort, whatever that effort looks like, but you're thinking it's okay. It's just never going to get better. I really want you to challenge that today and think about how am I going to make things different?
Patricia Sung 05:26
I'll talk to you soon successful mama either podcast friend could take this relationship to the next level and be internet friends. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram at motherhood and ADHD. I'd love for you to come say hi. So I know I'm not just talking into the bowels of the internet. Talk to you soon. Thank you for listening to motherhood in ADHD. For more resources, head over to our website. www dot motherhoodinadhd.com