First Steps for Moms with ADHD: Part 5 #81
Happy Podcast Birthday, Mama! We made it 2 years together. Whoo-hoo! Thank you for being a part of my village.
We're going back to the beginning...the very first 4 episodes of the podcast are about First Steps. So today's episode is Part 5, summarizing all of the amazing things you have taught me over the last two years of sharing my life with you, and you sharing yours with me. We talk about the 3 pillars of success for ADHD brains:
1)learn about your ADHD brain: What is ADHD? (Episode 69), comparison, superpowers, and is it worth getting an official ADHD diagnosis?
2)put on your oxygen mask first: why self-care matters, learning to trust yourself, and filling your toolbox.
3) ask for help: finding a safe place to talk, support groups like The Enclave, and adult accommodations.
While these aren't "easy fixes," there are so many ways to help ourselves feel better and do better. And I'm here to help. One baby step at a time leads us forward. Progress over perfection!
Interested in my upcoming class on overcoming time blindness by using your calendar effectively? Add yourself to the waitlist at patriciasung.com/adhdcalendar
Do you want to be on the podcast? I need your help. What is your best advice for other ADHD moms to take care of themselves? I want to know. Send me your best advice at patriciasung.com/shareadvice And you might be featured on an upcoming episode of our self-care series.
www.patriciasung.com/resources for more info & free resources.
Patricia Sung 00:00
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. I can't believe we made it to anyone episodes. Happy birthday to motherhood, ADHD. Welcome to motherhood and ADHD. I'm your friend Patricia. My mission is to be a lighthouse for mothers with ADHD, helping you find your path to success by learning to appreciate your ADHD as an asset. I'm seeking to change the paradigm that ADHD means your life is doomed to be a hot mess. So I'm sharing strategies and encouraging you in your pursuit of happiness to love who you are every day of your ADHD.
Patricia Sung 00:53
Hey, they're successful mama, it's your friend Patricia Sung. Can you believe it motherhood and he turns to this week, surely I don't say it enough. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your stories with me for encouraging me for loving me just the way that I am for welcoming me into your life and letting me be a part of your journey. Every time I get a message from you saying that you did something hard or you tried something new, it fills my heart. The messages that say finally somebody is saying what's inside my head, Mama, those hit me in the gut every time. Your words validate that this journey that I'm on, while so difficult is making a difference. It's not for nothing. This community we have, it matters. Our friendship matters. Even though we've never met in person, I feel like I know you we share our innermost secrets and maybe stuff that you've hidden for years or your whole life. And I don't take that for granted. I appreciate you so much. And I am so grateful to be on this journey of successful motherhood with ADHD with you. I cannot wait to see where we go this year.
Patricia Sung 02:07
When I look back to the very first episodes I did. They were all about first steps. So I'm going back to my roots. And I put together a part five, what have I learned over the last two years in sharing about my ADHD and what I have learned from all of you? So let's jump in. What are our first steps when we have ADHD? Well, I've come to learn that the first steps are the things that we should be doing all the time. These are the three things that I think are most important when you have ADHD.
Patricia Sung 02:36
Number one is learn about your ADHD, Mama, you are not broken. You're not messed up. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. This is just who we are. We have a neurological difference in our brains. Yes, we are at a disadvantage. But we also have superpowers, things that we can do that common brains can't. So learn about your brain, this will increase your confidence and help you make the choices that makes sense for who you are and how your brain works and how you function best. We got to learn to work with what we've got. Learning who we are makes it easier to let go of what we're not and what we're not going to be and focus on what we can do. We're never going to get a new brain. So we've got to figure out what works for us. What is it that works for you, not what works for everybody else not works or whoever on Pinterest, what works for you, we've got to stop comparing. It's not about what everyone else does. It's about what makes you successful. And then learn to pivot if something's not working, adjust slightly and keep going.
Patricia Sung 03:40
While we do have to bumper Pat our weaknesses. So we're not getting kicked in the rear on the same thing over and over again, we do really want to focus on our strengths. When we can use our amazing talents. That's when we'll feel better, we'll feel successful, we'll feel confident. Yes, we've got to deal with our pain points so that they're not awful. But how can we use what we're really good at not just for our own success and our own confidence, but how can we help the others around us?
Patricia Sung 04:10
And the last part about learning about your ADHD is I always recommend to get a diagnosis. I know a lot of people are like, what's the point? Hey, if you can work through it without the diagnosis, that's great. But most of us really crave that clarity. When you don't know what the problem is. It leads to confusion and doubt. And you can figure it out on your own. Hey, I think it's probably this. But if you really know for sure that validation is just balm for the soul, knowing that there is an answer is almost more important than knowing what the answer is in terms of your calm and not feeling so so much unrest. So that is key number one. Learn about your ADHD.
Patricia Sung 04:55
Hey there mama, are you a double Booker? Do you forget that you have that appointment? All all together. How often do you realize you're supposed to be somewhere in five minutes? Do you even know why you can't keep track of it all, because you either don't have the skills or you don't have a plan, or both. Keeping a calendar is a basic life skill that many of us never learned because either no one taught us or they taught us in a way that didn't make sense to are ADHD brains.
Patricia Sung 05:24
Let's change that. I hate watching you struggle on life skills that are learnable. Remember, you are not doomed to be a hot mess. Feeling competent and prepared is doable. Keeping up with your calendar can be simple. I want to give you a basic system that works for your life, and then help you develop a plan to actually keep up with the system. I know that you are ready to build calm and peace into your day by knowing where you need to be. And one my class on how to keep a calendar when you have ADHD will be available shortly. And for you my successful Mama.
Patricia Sung 05:57
I'm offering a little something special in honor of our two year anniversary. And it's only available to you because you listen to the podcast, head over to patriciasung.com/adhdcalendar. It's all one word and sign up for the waitlist before motherhood and ADHD is birthday on February 28. So that you will be the first one to know when the course is available and grab your little sentence um, before I open it up to the public and it's regular and obviously higher price, you are not alone. And I am here to help you create the motherhood success story that you deserve progress over perfection. Let's move forward.
Patricia Sung 06:33
He number two, put your oxygen mask on first. They always say this in the airplane. Why? Because if you have your mask on, you can read and then help others. How many people can you save if you don't have any oxygen a couple. But with your mask on, you could save the entire plane. We know that this makes sense. But it's not in our nature. As a mom, we put everybody else first. I'm not saying don't take care of your kids entirely. But I am saying that you need to take care of yourself too. You have to be on the list somewhere.
Patricia Sung 07:06
So what does that look like? Part of it is learning who you are key number one and figuring out what you need to be happy. We're doing a whole series starting next week on self care. I am so excited the interviews that I have recorded so far our five year I cannot wait for you to hear these women share their stories. Each of these mamas is an expert in an area of self care. And they're sharing our knowledge with you. And we know it all makes sense to our ADHD brains because they have ADHD too, I want you to have several options on how you can take care of yourself. And you can pick what makes sense for you. Because self care is all about fueling yourself re energizing. Somewhere along the way, self care got this reputation for being a luxurious item. It's not taking care of yourself as a basic need, like food, and water and sleep, which let's be honest, we're not really good at those things either. So we have to make a pointed effort and taking care of ourselves. Unfortunately, we can't take care of our family well, if we're unwell. So we need to do whatever it takes to get to a healthier place.
Patricia Sung 08:16
Now, this is a long journey. You don't just magically get healthy in a couple of weeks, after a lifetime of struggles. We're going to set realistic goals. It's about progress over perfection. And little by little, we're taking better care of ourselves. And in turn, we can take better care of the people around us. And look, I can't control what other people think my health journey may not look like what other people think it should. And it's not my job to get healthy your way. Other people don't need to completely understand, but they do need to be respectful. Unfortunately, toxic relationships are very common with ADHD. And I need to not open the can of worms today. But know that it is very common. We need to learn to trust ourselves. You are too hard on yourself, ma'am, I know you are. You have a lot of negative self talk in there just like I do. We've had these conflicting messages our whole lives. And we've learned to doubt that inner radar that inner alarm bell most ADHD women that I've met have a spectacular BS meter. But we're also really good at ignoring it. We usually know when something's off. Maybe we can't say what it is. But we know something's not right. And yet we're really good at ignoring it. You can learn to change that narrative you can learn through community and therapy in classes like it is possible to learn to tune back in to listening to yourself.
Patricia Sung 09:45
Another way that we can put on our oxygen mask is to fill your toolbox. learn the skills and tools to live better. Now better is up to you to define but there are options like exercise Food, vitamins, medicine, and learning the life skills when they are taught in an ADHD friendly way. This is one of the ways that I want to help my ADHD community. My first class is coming up on how to use your calendar effectively, I want you to get on the waitlist for the special bonuses and all that are coming up the links in the show notes. I'm doing this class at a low price. It is amazing. And I'm doing it for you. I want to say thank you for this two year mark. And it's going to be amazing. But I want it to be a reasonable price because I want it to be there for anyone who wants to learn. Like if you want to learn the basic life skill of calendaring in an ADHD friendly way, like I want you to be able to do that. I want you to have your hands on it. And I'm going to offer it this discount just for this anniversary promotion. And I'm sure it'll go up later. But I want you to have that I want you to be able to put tools in your toolbox in an ADHD friendly way so that you can feel more competent and how you run your day. I also have a ton of free resources on my website, like overcoming time blindness or working on your peaceful morning routine, you can go to my resources page and grab all those.
Patricia Sung 11:13
And in celebration of our two year anniversary, I'm giving away two classes for free. In order to enter. It's really simple. Just share the podcast or the class on social media. Make sure you tag me so that I see it and you're entered, you can share it in a Facebook group or wherever as long as you tag me. If I'm not in the group, and I won't see it, take a screenshot and send it to me. Every time you share and tag me that's an entry. I really want this to be in your hands. I want you to feel confident because you can learn the skills to make your life smoother, because we're going to talk about it in an ADHD brain friendly way.
Patricia Sung 11:49
So now you've learned about your ADHD, you've put on your oxygen mask first. The third key about taking care of your ADHD is asking for help. Find a safe place to be honest and share your feelings and your worries. Ask for help. Who in your family or friends circle? Can you lean on? Do you need to look outside of that in going to therapy or hiring a coach? You can join a support group like I joined the Enclave recently with Liz Lewis and Elizabeth brink and it has been beautiful. I love it so much this community of women is amazing. Where can you find that connection that support? Another way we need to ask for help is adult accommodations. I'm gonna do a whole episode on that too. But what is it that you need to help you function in daily life? How can you learn what you need? Sign up for a class read a book you can get one from the library for free.
Patricia Sung 12:47
There are so many ways to get help. They don't have to cost an arm or leg they can, obviously, but you can find ways to get help. That's not cost prohibitive. Put on your creative ADHD hat and brainstorm who do you know that's great at the thing you want to work on? Can you trade with them for something? Can you barter? Can you get with an accountability buddy? What can you do to get help. And if you're not even sure where to start on help, just pick one thing and do it in this way our impulsivity helps pick one and go. You can always change later. You can always add live and realize, Hey, that's not working. Let me pivot. Let me change Let me try something new. But just move forward, find help, pick it, go for it.
Patricia Sung 13:36
So these are the first three steps in the continuing three steps that we need for our ADHD. Learn about your ADHD brain, put on your oxygen mask first, and ask for help. Of course, you can go back and listen to the first four episodes of the podcast. I mean, judgment free, please, I didn't really know what I was doing back then. But there are some great ideas in those first four episodes too.
Patricia Sung 13:59
I'm so glad that you're here successful Mama, I want to lift you up this year. We are going to do great things. We're going to do great things together. We're going to lean on each other and figure out how to make your motherhood successful. What works for you and your brain. What's going to make sense for your family for your stage of life for the age that your kids are. We can figure that out together. We're going to do great things this year. Let's do it. I will talk to you next week. Successful mama. Thank you for listening to motherhood and ADHD. For more resources head over to our website. www dot motherhood in adhd.com