Igniting Conversations that Bring ADHD Women Together: ADHD Trailblazers at the ADDA BIPOC Women's Town Hall July 2022 Part 2 #154
What do women with ADHD need right now? Well, a lot of things, and community is high on the list. This episode amplifies and celebrates the trailblazing voices and experiences of women and female BIPOC individuals within our ADHD family.
In July, ADDA hosted the International Global Gathering conference to spark conversations on how to thrive with ADHD. If you're not familiar with the non-profit ADDA, check out their membership - they have had solid resources, events, and support groups for adults with ADHD for over 30 years.
One of the events I was honored to moderate during the virtual conference was the Women’s Town Hall. The ladies had a lot to say, so I broke it into 2 episodes:
The first part of the event features ADHD Women Trailblazers with guests Laurie Dupar, Liz Lewis, Terry Matlen, and Linda Roggli, hosted by ADDA Board Member, Michelle Price.
The second part of the event features ADHD Women Trailblazers in the BIPOC community, led by Inger Shaye Colzie, with guests Sudhita Kasturi, Victoria Novaro, and Stacey Machelle.
It’s time for us to band together in conversation to change the paradigm of ADHD in women.
Want to join me in person to talk about your ADHD? Our ADHD Mom Retreat is October 7-9 and you’re invited. Reserve your ticket here.
Patricia Sung 00:02
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get your mama, parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama, you can rewrite your story from shame spiral success story, and I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD.
Patricia Sung 01:08
Hey there successful mama. Have you ever witnessed something really beautiful and totally missed how special it was in that moment. And it wasn't until it was over that you realize just how special that moment was? Well, these two episodes are about a year. Or just that. Back in July, I volunteered with adda which is the nonprofit that helps adults with ADHD thrive. And they hosted Agha, a global gathering for a new way like an innovative way of doing an international conference to learn about your ADHD. Now, if you're not familiar with adda, go check them out. They have really solid resources and support groups for a membership that's totally affordable. It's not even 10 bucks a month, head over to add dot O R G and check them out. During this conference. One of the events was a woman's Town Hall, and a couple 100 women showed up. Board Member Michelle price first hosted four of the original woman who set out to start the conversations about women with ADHD. Back in the day. This event was followed by a second conversation of Trailblazers women in the bipoc community who are stepping up and sharing their story of having ADHD especially as a woman of color.
Patricia Sung 02:24
Now, at the time of the event, I was actually moderating the questions which was totally overwhelming to be totally honest. And it wasn't until we were well into the events like a solid hour, hour and a half before I realized what I was witnessing before me the honesty and the brokenness, the hope and the healing, the persistence and the courage, seeing women in community. It is my honor to share with you these conversations honoring the women who have come before us and the women who are stepping up now to spearhead change in the ADHD community in how ADHD is perceived in the world around us and how it's talked about, especially in communities of color where it's particularly not safe to talk about your weaknesses.
Patricia Sung 03:12
Now because this was a very long event, I'm breaking it up into two parts. In the first section, you'll have guests Lori Dr. Liz Lewis, Terry Matlin and Linda Radley. And in the second part, we have guests Inger shake, Halsey, Sue detec, history, and Victoria Navarro. You will also hear from the audience as this was an interactive event. Now, fair warning, we were using a brand new technology. So you will hear us learning throughout this event. And I'm always proud of us ADHD years for being willing to tackle new, innovative things. If you are here for these kinds of conversations, the openness and the sharing with a group of women who have brains who work like yours, you are my kind of people, you deserve to have a safe space to talk with women whose brains work like yours and grow those relationships.
Patricia Sung 04:07
You deserve a space to be yourself, you deserve a space for rest, and relaxing and taking care of you. And you also deserve some good food and a hotel remodel yourself. So that sounds like you're kind of deal. You are invited to join our ADHD moms luxury retreat that I am hosting here in Houston, Texas. It is an all inclusive event. So once you get your ticket, you just show up and I take care of everything for you. I take care of the planning, taking care of the meals, the hotel, you get to turn off the mental load and just enjoy the freedom of being there and taking care of only yourself most of the decisions I'm going to take care of for you.
Patricia Sung 04:47
So you simply get to enjoy and we're going to sit together and have these kinds of conversations in person. And while there's definitely not going to be several 100 women there. It's a small group of women. I want to sit with you and spend quality time getting to know you answering your questions about ADHD, for you to know that you're not weird because of this weird, quirky thing you do that the rest of us in this community do a lot of those things too. And knowing that you're not alone is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself, along with taking care of you. So put yourself on the priority list and come on to Houston, October 7 through ninth, you can reserve your ticket at Patricia sung.com forward slash ADHD hyphen, Mom hyphen retreat. So I'll see you in Houston next month to hold conversations in person just like these.
Patricia Sung 05:43
So join me now is you come behind the scenes into this event that was so beautifully hosted by adda and here what are the women in our community talking about right now? What's on their hearts? What are they struggling with? Let's hear from this growing community in the ADHD world of women who are world changers. Welcome to as women's townhall during the global gathering event in July 2020. And if you haven't listened to part one, hit back in episode and listen to the beginning of this conversation.
06:23
You want to have like you might want to open up. And it looks like everybody's really interested. So you guys is here. Right is always bringing and being real with what's going on here with, you know, my thought community and ADHD. So again, I want to thank everybody who's here, watching the previous panel that we kind of jumped in on because they weren't here first leading the work. And it's hard work. It's work that we all love. It's our passion. And that's why we're here. And what's happened for me is when the 2019 conference learned even though they had an international ADHD conference, it was here in Philadelphia, right was just me being there for four days in the morning to eat dinner. And I also a handful of people of color. And I was very confused that it's like, no one's here. Or like why the city especially in a city that has having a 40% population of black and brown folks, why there was no one there was face for ADHD, nobody giving any type of talk or anything. When I started dancing around everything the answer. So that's what I was like, Oh, I guess I need to be an ADHD coach. And then I started on that journey. It's like, I guess I need to figure out a way for black people to find colors that look like if that's what they would like, every day. And I mean, every day, I get several, several messages about not being able to find a coach and or clinician that looks like that. Because there's just for some people a certain level of familiarity, or just a certain way that you would like to be seen or not have to necessarily worry about having to explain some stuff. And sometimes there's just like, not a lot of cultural humility out there. Because I think it's just nothing that it feels like it's like, you know, 20 years, but that's something that's actually pretty new. Right? So here we are the second wave trying to bring these these things to our communities. So with Suniva and Victoria, and Michelle, and Stacy Michelle, we're here to talk about I don't know which one do you want? Do you have questions you want to be? First? I have a couple of questions. What do you think we need to do to increase awareness of this and maybe decrease stigma, so that our people will actually pay attention? Because we have a lot of issues with stigma, and the mental health? Oh, she's she ADHD? You know what I mean? Like, what do you think it would take to change that? Well, if this is very interesting, and we were talking earlier, and I mentioned that it didn't safety concern at some levels, but I do feel talking about it, if there's finally a community of people for you, at first to talk about it. Because sometimes we do feel like it's unsafe to talk about it in different places. And sometimes we aren't sure what to do with it. There's so much masking because you know, we are afraid to be able to just be ourselves. So when you're walking out there a lot of times just with a heightened sense of that there's something's always wrong. Something's always that way. As a mother, my nervous system has a million because I have a whack somebody and what that can mean. So when I'm walking around with all those different things, it's really a safety concerns and how to be like, yes, well, people think about what ADHD is, and maybe what it is that I'm might not be taken seriously, or something might happen to me or something that happened to my child. So when you can sneak in a community first and feel okay, and learn some language and realize you're not really you're stupid, or realize that the stigma is out there. But we're going to have to deal with it in some way to educate some of the people who want to know. Sometimes there's some people, those days in your life, right, sometimes that happens to wait to be comfortable with that, I
10:30
think first is the start with community. I want to echo what inner said that change happens starts with us. And we need HD and understand and educate ourselves about our own ADHD and why, for example, I behave in a certain circumstances certain way, that starts a ripple effect, because then I can educate my family, I can educate my community, I know the South Asian community, we have very strong familial
11:00
structures in there. So we start with ourselves and maybe small and maybe one small group at a time, one congregation at a time, one medical practice at a time. And then ripple will have an effect as we move ourselves out and get a bigger, wider voice. The other thing for me, I mean, for me, advocacy, personal advocacy is everything. Just be as as soft spoken as if you've gone horrible with forcing yourself or anything. And just using our strengths, as well as the difficulties. I mean, we do it in a way that's personal to you. I mean, I use humor. We joke about this all the time, I can laugh at myself, it's not okay for you to laugh at myself. I can make jokes. Making jokes are laughing, it compresses what's going on? I mean, it was hard for me to realize. But just being able to say to someone you know, and not feeling so bad about it or whatever. First of all, impersonal yields go hand in hand. The next thing is we should be looking at what other communities did that was successful. Yes, like LGBT GNR? I mean, come on, it's like impossible to say that. LGBTQA Oh, my God.
12:30
I have dyslexia. On the autistic, I really need some things and we shouldn't be looking at how are they so successful? Because, for me, for example, parents with autistic children or autistic spectrum was so outspoken because they had to suppose that up to us that we realized something's I have four children with ADHD, and it was amazing. And it was such a struggle, we have to speak, we have to see what did they do to get the word out there, and just No, follow the model, I think that will be an intelligent thing to do, what they do to become so well known and we are not doing
13:17
is use of the word neurodiverse as opposed to autism. I mean, that's kind of what I see, as I was watching this whole thing take off, that was one of the things that I saw. And I think that word has less of a charge to it. For people they can deal with that, like a lot of people can deal with that word. And then once they get the word, you can't learn anything new unless you can understand some other themes. And so that gave it the space to be able to now see it everywhere. So that's how we are part of that. Yeah, we are. We have to own our space, we have to speak out we have to actually identify as neurodivergent. And I think that
13:59
some of the things I've heard throughout our periods right now, I thought it was I don't know what it had, there has to be something going on. I mean, so many black women have fibroids, so many black women have these problems, like they have female problems, but we have so many both me and my daughter had his directories. And so if we can educate around those kinds of things, sometimes maybe that will help to educate around the things that they're facing every single day, so that they understand that there could be a cause for that, or there could be something, these are some of the things to consider. But you know, the doctors just don't seem to be with it. So we really are gonna have to learn how to help ourselves. Well, I think it's interesting to like you mentioned five words and things like that there are certain things that happen for black women and women of color like so disproportionately for the population. And I know that there's a bit of a link between like that and autoimmune disorders and ADHD, but there's like very little research I know for black people, and I'm not sure Denise or Victoria. Our streets are serious traveling your population. You know, we've talked about stigma, people and population. It's like I am on the executive committee of Philadelphia. Every week somebody wants to do a study. No, no, no, no. Tuskegee anybody has questions, you can come up to the podium and get ready to do that, because I think we'll be ready to maybe take some but that's because it's like, we need to have some studies and people are willing, right? We were talking about like people not being willing, if they're willing, but when your population that there's a reason that people don't want to study, that leave a lot of room for a new type of growth, we'd like to see. And so what is an association is to start bringing professionals that look like you. So if there is a study, you know, you're more likely to talk to somebody that looks like you or at least consider, maybe whatever it is, I can maybe speak in your language or take the time to be able to explain some things, and be the ones that are doing the studies. Because what I found too is if somebody of color is not in the room, when they're making up these studies, and they're not looking for anything that's going to benefit, you know, having us, I think enough force in different places, is going to start changing your movement. So my thought is, let's start bringing people together like we are here, and then together, we can start doing things. So if there's physicians, diagnose other people with ADHD, I know that right now, and it really is gonna get a real diagnosis, right? Because we really do something else. Because it's not age need that, but you'll get one, they won't just dismiss you. And then you know, that can remove it, because it's like, oh, if I see these other clinicians doing it, and they're okay with it, then maybe some others well, right, there are other black coaches around, and they can start seeing all the people that are in a waitlist, coaching, to then be able to deal and manage and lean on their strengths of ADHD, then that can start a movement, because more people have ADHD.
17:11
is especially like I think the pandemic was masking that went away. So when people start seeing other people doing well, you're like, I love them. And to me, that's just like, oh, we need to kind of move in. That is where I fall. Again, if you guys have questions, come to the podium and ask your question. We
Patricia Sung 17:31
did have the one from earlier about people asking Suneetha for specific examples of what she shares.
17:38
Answer that specific question. What I need is I put together a small presentation about my own journey with ADHD, how I was diagnosed is what you know how my teen years went, there was a lot of passion and very little common sense and a lot of rebellion just because I never felt heard in my younger years. And I had very supportive parents, but nobody knew about ADHD. So and then I put together a presentation on how ADHD presents in the different age groups, and how it's different in men. And with the short presentation 1015 minutes and then left open for questions. And how I would support these practices, right, what did I offer to them and what they could do for me, and I'm not always my OBGYN added me to her preferred vendor list, there are a whole bunch of other doctors who offered to now take my cards and put it in their practice, because they know it's a thing. They just don't know where to go, and how to get help for these people. And their patients are asking them, hey, I have ADHD, and what do I do, but they don't know where to stand. And these are not just practitioners were people of color. It's all different spectrums, all, where else. And even the therapists know that what they can do in therapy is different than what we do as conscious is very, very different. And it's a synergistic approach towards ADHD. So I think it's just a question of getting out there getting information, if you want to reach out to me, I have my presentation, I can just put together the bullets and share it with anybody else who would like to.
19:16
If you don't mind before you start victory. I like to do it too. We get together and have a three hour conversation to the four of us. That was really great before this. And I was so struck by both of your stories. So if you could tell like a bit of your story and the majority of the question and tell your stories, I think it's important for people out there to hear our stories. Right. So I think that that is part of bringing this awareness that we speak out of ADHD so so Victoria, you want to answer the question first and then do your story and I'll come back and want you to forget
19:49
the one thing that I was going to say before I forget is one of the ways to go research wise and we give thinking about quantitative studies and I know I'm going to sell Sony already, but just bear with me. And so what deductive studies? We do need a lot of money noodles. Yeah. Because we didn't have like enough basis on everything. Well, all the things that you have to do to market your your stuff, yeah. But if you go into qualitative studies, and that's, we are so good at those because we are good at having real in depth conversations that are actually so much more interesting. Because they will give you all the nuances that someone has, because our stories are so important to each other. And they do make a difference. So, the thing is, we keep thinking of these things, as is like, well, no one is going to care about, like my story, or what we should be having 3000 people are responding to other than whatever. And it's like, no, not really, you know, it's like, we could do a lot of a small word with this other kind of research on anyone is interested in. I would really love to help. Yes, that's what I that's what I teach. And that's another way of even changing the way anemia was we are not getting into other women in any color. I'm not getting into academia with ADHD, because we can do that stuff. I mean, I have I have misspoke. We have everything. So that's why, how can I think of myself as a scientist? And it's like, well, it's mostly to another kind of science. Yeah, I do some science, and it's so much talks to me. And it just dawned on people. So my stories. I have homeboys really struggled at school, especially my youngest. I'm an absolute overachiever.
21:49
I have my careers, I don't come home anymore. I have three degrees, master's degrees, working for my PhD and nothing seems to be enough. And my children gave me the answer. Yeah, that they have dyslexia, ADHD, and it's listening to what was said, you know, like, the characteristics and everything is like, well, that's me. And I was thinking, one, we were in the middle of the pandemic. So we're here and I thought I was bipolar, because my highs and my lows were so, so high, so so low that the only explanation was I have to be bipolar, absolutely the most respected or everyone that is within its order. That's not who I was. It's just like, my untreated ADHD. Just knowing that it had a name. And knowing that most of what I do, every second of my day has to do with this. And most of what my children were not misbehaving. They were not wanting to drive me crazy, or whatever, it was just very VHDX. And so when I learned about this, I was, How can I know about this, and not speak about it, study, whatever they need cat. So I dropped everything. I created a social enterprise. And I got into other and I'm just focusing on doing this and advocating for this.
23:12
That was great. What always strikes me is that we say what we can do, versus what we can do. And how many degrees how many degrees and PhDs. And still, there is that anxiety was like, it's never enough. So we're trying to shame seems to always hit. And I think a lot of things that have just gone on our lives. You know, I think that that's important. And that you know, my story too. I just think it would be great for everyone to hear. We've CSCU if you have a question we'll do we'll answer
23:51
your question. So my journey, I was always the different party. Right. And I felt too intensely I was passionate about women's rights, animals, and how we treated animals in the environment. And nobody around me, at least in my peer group seemed to care. I was just used to not fitting in I had a moment. I think they kind of got me and so they supported me. But I went through my teens, my 20s, actually, until my early 20s, and I met my husband, who's neurotypical, and who got me and who seemed to have somebody in mind with my quirkiness and oddities, and all of that stuff. seems more fascinated by that than anything else. So that was wonderful. And then in my early 30s, I ended up having all these weird symptoms as coordinating a huge event with 300 people and all these weird things were showing up which ended up to a neurological evaluation, where the suspect had a brain tumor. Neuro psych eval revealed that I had ADHD so and I have ADHD diagnosis was a party over But there was always this thing of being something missing. Something that I wasn't always I couldn't lay my hands on. I had academic degrees, when I always heard that statement that I was never lived up to my potential. In some ways, I was too aggressive about what I wanted to go out and get or too ambitious. But in some ways, I was lazy and non ambitious. And so there was all this stuff that I was dealing with, and I didn't always understand. Then I became a homeschooling parent. And so there's me with my ADHD, two boys with ADHD. And we're trying to get schooled down and get these kids moved along in the race. And I'm teaching science because my background in molecular biology and chemistry, and I'm teaching science to the kids. And it was wonderful to create the classes and have all these interesting questions. Waiting drove me crazy, because it was a question I had to look at 10 different answers the same repetative information that was very difficult for me. And, you know, we didn't know my boys had an easier time. With me having I think somewhere, they were more like my husband and I. And we, all of us got diagnosis, I already had my people got diagnosed. So we tell my husband that he's divorced one, and we're the typicals in the household, because there's three and only one. Coaching actually, our newest psychologist, clinical psychologist asked me if I would like to become a coach. And I have struggled with mine coaches were my own children, which is what led me to get an education become a coach. And I think I finally feel with all that knowledge and becoming a coach learning about coaching practices, I have come into my own, and I think it has my kids have coaches or not, it's not me. Not you know, I was the homeschooling parent. And I think the biggest thing for us is there's a sense of peace, because we all are learning about ourselves and appreciating each other's creativity. Well, my boys are very different. And then become the neurotypical parent to kind of calm things out in the family. And I think that's why I feel so strongly about education. By educating yourself educating your community going out there speaking whatever your minutes find people, you start with me these 10 people you started doesn't have to be a roomful of people, when you go out there and you let people know it's okay to be having these wonderful people. And we just need to put into a neurotypical world. How do we live in the belief system equations and come into my world and see me and not as you fit into my world, they're not going to fit in either the habit we coexist and find all of us to work well together that idealistic, maybe, but I think it's possible.
28:01
Absolutely. We're going to create where, you know, I always had this phrase is as creative. And everybody says, I love that. I love that. And I always forget that I even have it there. But I learned that from the client that told me I had ADHD, he would always sign off to me because I thought, right, I think creatively. And so that's why you for that. So if there's any other questions.
Patricia Sung 28:28
we do have two audience questions, if you want to go to those. One who was asking about she was screened by her therapist to have ADHD but she's asking about the process of Do I need an actual diagnosis for medication? And how does she go about that? And then the second question is from Connie, it says, Are there practitioners here that are coming from a lens of decolonizing neurodiversity separating ADHD traits from the Eurocentric work and education paradigms that highlight the deficits of our neurodiversity and minimize or sideline the strengths? Well, those are the questions.
29:03
The first one, it is an actual diagnosis. When you go to a psychotherapist, if you like medication that you have to go to a psychiatrist, United States, so the different diagnosis so a psychotherapist and the psychologist can diagnose. You no one can give you medication. If you like medication, you have to go to a psychiatrist. Psychologist might give you some testing psychotherapist, and your psychiatrist will not they're gonna do more history and talk to you what what people also need to know is when you go to psychiatrists, it's going to be the short visit you're not getting this long visit they're not going to be doing any type of therapy with you. You're only looking at symptoms and try to make decisions and we're always shocked like it was 15 minutes that's it. Psychologist and psychotherapist are going to be able to sit with you. You thoroughly work through some you know issues able to give you some scales knowing and then it's almost like a therapist and a coach, which are two separate things. And one thing at the time we explained the two of them. But a coach can help you kind of get more closer to your goals, right? We partner with our clients, because they know they want to do and goals, and we'll partner with them and like kind of help you across the bridge where your ADHD comes up, to allow me to have the life you want. So that's that question. And then the other question was about the colonization. Sounds like really interesting. And that's like a really big thing right now in therapy and bringing it forth, the coaching, first started doing therapy, because most of the constructs are white males from different countries. I started working at doing work as like, did you just turn around and go to school, change your life, and you can't do this? Once I started to be I was in therapy, my whole life. I've been very, very successful. And the same thing in coaching, where the constructs of therapy like that kind of chair like, Well, you wouldn't know anything about me. I know other people. And I know they want to relate to me, right? And the way that they're able to make progress is the fact that I see them as a human. And they say something like, there's out there like, oh, where we were, where are you? Like you're moving on vacation? I would say, Well, why would you ask that question? Versus? Oh, I had a great vacation. Thanks for asking. Because without that relationship, right, are those parts where you're waiting? For people who made these models, like white people, when they see the world is not the way we see the world? Because we don't come up against it that way. Right? We are we were coming up against it from the other angle. So when you look at it that way, and that's why a lot of time, there's misdiagnosis, because they're already thinking, and it should go a certain way. And in our lives, it doesn't go the way that they planned. So that's why many people get diagnosed with bipolar. Because if I came in talking about being so upset about my child, that I haven't slept in three days, if I talk about, like, you know, having an argument with my coworker, just like didn't understand, right, because maybe like my he never gonna say things like the up and down with bipolar, like they won't even sometimes make that leap or like that thought process of ADHD. So yes, the conversation is, thank goodness. That's what we're trying to do. I'm going to break green some DTI. To the conference helped me understand decolonize. What does that mean? Well, as you know, the person that she looks at is in theory here. But also, the way that the question was written this beautiful, I don't think I would have that language around it, but quickly construct, you know, I think about just even like, in life, the way that I experienced life is not the same way that you know, some of my white sisters might experience or other people experience. So when I have like generational trauma, right, so again, talk about my son, like, the reason why it's just like very interesting to me, a lot of black parents will say bad things about their children more like if you say, oh, hang up there were a lot of white parents and be like, Oh, my child's doing this thing. And they're doing that. What it is, is, when our children were sold on the slave option, if you say something, if you know what they were gonna take away, then take your kids away, we're used to having our families back then and the way some systems have happened. So that the fact that maybe I'm not sleeping, as much as I need to sleep with somebody who has ADHD, I might come in and say I was up first.
33:41
So now you're mad. And then maybe when they look at it through the contract, or their lens, and don't take a moment to even consider my life, and we all have different lives, having us assumptions can really put people in such bad places. And that's what I'm gonna try this on a daily basis. I have many women, men that come to me and just they are so misunderstood. They've had such a hard time, they've done so many things that are very high achieving, but it never seems like enough, which is enough to really take you down and spend so much time with, like I said, aggression, aggression or microaggressions. That leaves I would say that needs no much bandwidth to be able to, like manage your ADHD. So when we can work with the way that the people that come to us in the way we know to work with them wonders, so it's not somebody who doesn't like you because I always you know, I'm going to point out that my coaches, right, and we work really well together. works for you to hear somebody that looks like you. This means in your language. There's nothing like getting coaching saves lives.
Patricia Sung 34:54
So, Trisha, did you have another question? Yes, there was one about recommendations for sleep. How do people with ADHD go to Sleep with all the thoughts running around.
35:02
I really like what Allah has to say. And I think it applies to us even more, it's first diagnosis, second medication. And then you will get your therapist or whatever you need. First, we need our diagnosis. We need them to be as accurate as they can be as vague as they can be, we should be screened for any other comorbidities that we have. This one is a big one, because you can like you have ADHD. What about the RAS? Yeah, what about my dyslexia and dyscalculia, my dyspraxia, whoa, is this really, really, really long, and then you get some of that you can be within the autistic spectrum because you are like, sociable or whatever. So first, let's get really, really the best diagnosis we can afford the money that you will do get any, we will keep on chatting about this, we should be helping people all over the world. So then they can get educated, they can get pregnant. I think that's that you have something that you would like to add?
36:14
Yeah, I'd like to add something you said the restraint is how each Cultural Society works is very different. And I think when you new medical professionals or even community, sometimes people don't recognize that the South Asian society is not an individualistic society. We're very interdependent society and multi generational, deep social roots. And those have to account for people. They don't necessarily always have to look like us. They need to understand that we have these rules, and we can seek support from them. We can seek support, if I am not good at getting on time, somewhere I can get on my task. While it is blatantly me a bad mother or whatever, how seeking the support of my family to say being somebody calls can help get the kids out the door in the morning. And I'd be responsible for something else where my strength is. And that cultural competence, and cultural humility, I think somebody said, is really important. When you go in, and if you can find somebody who supports that journey, then you're fine. Like you are my coaches are legit. Well, there are any I don't have any. I don't know if there are very few solutions out there. But I am with a coach I am because he understands my society and my culture is different, and it is supportive and respectful of that. And definitely Michelle one thing is changing verbiage. Not being a deficit. And a disorder, you know, it's a variable attention issue is selective attention issue. And then maybe we all just go with neuro diversity has a way to a broader a broader umbrella. And I think the biggest thing for me is it's okay to be you. I think that's the most important thing for me. That's what my happiness has come from us. Do you know that I am, who I am.
38:23
And then we got two more questions for the panel or people in the audience. I was interested in hearing stories from women from other countries that go through the struggles that we go through with their country is less receptive to ADHD, and the culture is where the women are lower. So what we should be doing is, we should be sharing information as much as we can. Everyone with it still like little white wolf syndrome. Stage and no other parts of the world, and lucky and privileged and we spoke about this the other day, I mean, we are privileged to have our diagnosis to have to be able to be here sharing with other people. So everything we can bring from outside into our countries. So you can understand figuring out it's like how any piece of information is for our countries. So I think we should be focusing on how can we get as many people in their language. I know it's a big one for me as I can speak English, but most of the people in my country so we should be speaking in their language trying to get as much because like, for me, it's like, let's be American. People can profit from us, but we can make it a business and doctors will be too Good, doctors will be getting, you know, their certifications or their education or whatever, because they will be able to leave from reading us and helping us. So I think as much as advocacy as we can say, as much as speaking, everyone, I think that we all are in America or South America, Mexico, we don't speak about this, if your child gets the diagnosis. Well, you know what, it's nothing. He's doing really fine. You love growing? It's amazing. They don't want to say, the stigma is so so high that they will not say they will actually tell you. If you go and say, Hey, how is your child doing with ADHD? He's a person he's like, Why? Why would you say that be diagnosed? You know?
40:54
You know, my four children have it. So why is this such a big for you? So I think we should be speaking about that. How are we
41:06
going to continue this conversation? We will be continuing this conversation. For sure. We have one more question for you, then we're gonna wrap this up. And we will be here all night. As you can see, Theresa, there you are.
41:21
Yeah, I just was coming in to ask a question for one of our other attendees, and I can't go to sleep, I can't be on this, because then I really can't sleep. And I never feel rested. And so what she wants to know is if you all can share some practices, or better sleep hygiene, or give some directions on next steps for how she can get help with
41:46
improving her sleep. So we can say what we know we should be doing. But doesn't mean we actually do something? And I think you said the answer within me is that the answer? The question is you should you should be doing this if you want to go to just leave in an hour. And it's like this thing that you shouldn't be eating three hours before you go to sleep, you shouldn't be working on your two hours before and you should be watching social media or whatever Netflix an hour before you go on. We do 1321 Yeah. And that's what it says on the other one, and it supports with research that this works. I think we should be looking at what helps work with us with ADHD. It was a thing for us. So this thing and I know you can give us a whole amazing information on this. It's like your dopamine levels, you cannot go to sleep. Because your dopamine is not there, you help you get the sleep and stay asleep. And then you are in very deep sleep when you have to wake up. So we should be looking at those things. You know, the cycle of our sleeves is even different than anyone else's. So it's not only how can we get to sleep, and how can we stay and I think that's a big one that we should all be looking at and studying it.
43:19
Helpful everybody so I am so grateful for everybody here everybody let's let's press it like three times. Thank you for hosting and inviting me to lead it was like such an important conversation. And everyone was just like so invigorating. And persons are great. Thank you everybody for coming.
Patricia Sung 43:53
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