Dream Vacation or Nightmare Holiday? How to Plan a Vacation When You Have ADHD, plus what to do when it's your first solo trip without kids #185
When it’s time to plan a trip, do you feel less like a blissful honeymooner and more like Tom Hanks in Castaway? And you haven’t even left yet…
Look, you know you’ll love the vacation when you’re on it, but getting ready for a trip is mostly ADHD hell.
Planning, organizing, packing, thinking forward in time, blech.
And yet, you want to make great family memories that your kids look back on and reminisce, so what’s a mom to do?
Today I’m sharing my system for planning a vacation or trip that works for my ADHD brain.
Plus I’ve put together a helpful one-page ADHD Vacation Planning Checklist that will take a bunch of decision fatigue off your plate so you can look forward to the rest and relaxation that you deserve.
First time traveling without kids? The mamas in Successful Mama Meetups shared their wisdom and tips on how to handle your first time away from your family.
Links mentioned in this episode:
Episode 19: Traveling with Small Children: Air Travel Tips and Tricks for Babies, Toddlers, and Preschoolers
Patricia’s Packing Lists for Kids - stay tuned and I will post next week
Ready to get away? Our annual ADHD Moms Luxury Weekend Retreat is coming up on October 6-8, 2023 in Houston, Texas! Add yourself to the retreat waitlist, and I’ll let you know as soon as early bird tickets are available so you can score the best pricing and payment plans.
“Honestly, this was one the best weekends I've had since becoming a mom. I've never felt so seen and understood. I would hop on a plane and go again. No hesitation! I'll follow y’all anywhere, moms.” –ADHD Mama J.Q.
I’ll take care of all the details - you simply show up and enjoy.
Put it on your calendar now.
Because you deserve to take care of yourself too. Join the retreat waitlist.
Patricia Sung 0:02
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get your mama, parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama, you can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD.
Patricia Sung 1:07
Hey there successful mama. It's your friend Patricia Sung. Before we jump into today's episode, let's hear our review of the week. This one comes from Rainbow 85 titled makes you feel less alone. After looking into ADHD for my son, I started to realize it was describing myself. I'm now in the process of getting a diagnosis. This podcast has helped me write down the thing we're struggling with now. And as a child, please don't ever stop. Please hands heard Mooji Thank you rainbow. You know, sometimes I think why am I doing this and then I got these messages. I'm like, please don't ever stop. I don't know that I could ever stop. Even though a lot of times I like doubt like is this really worth it a lot of work isn't worth it. I love so much what I do, I can't even imagine not doing it feels weird, kind of feel like I'm gonna be like 95 and still telling people about ADHD, maybe there'll be so much information that I want to do this. And I can just just help people all day long. We'll see. Here's to the future. So we're gonna do a two part series on planning trips and packing for trips. Because as we're getting solidly in the spring, here, we're starting to think about summer vacations, hopefully, and traveling is a lot for ADHD brains. It's a lot to think of because it's future time and future time doesn't exist for us. And there's a lot of planning and logistics that go into trips. And I now understand why my mom used to always say she hated vacations because they were so much work, especially since she had five kids. Now traveling is extremely important to me and my husband. It's one of the things that we bonded over during dating. And we traveled a lot together before we had kids. And we knew that we wanted our kids to be well traveled going into it. And obviously we did not realize what we're getting into on that. And our visions of like what travel looks like is very different now with kids than what it was before. So you through what it looks like for us planning a trip, and next week about packing for the trip.
Patricia Sung 3:14
Now the other reason I want to bring this up is because our ADHD mom's luxury weekend retreat is also happening this year, it will be our second annual one. And it's probably going to be in October right now I am talking to the hotel and negotiating the contract and everything. So I should have details for that very soon. But until then, if this is something you'd love to do, it's going to be here in Houston, probably in October. And you can put your name on the waitlist. So as soon as I have details, I will email them and let you know what's going on. And that way you will get the early bird pricing options and be able to mark that on your calendar and be here for that trip. It is hot Mersing we say an amazing hotel downtown. I am a huge foodie. So I'll take you to some of my favorite restaurants here in Houston. We also spent some time learning about our brains and understanding how can we understand ourselves better so that we can truly be the best moms and humans that we want to be and show up for ourselves and our families every day in the way that we want to. There's also time for relaxing we make friends it's so much fun. You should come by yourself on the waitlist. It is Patricia sung.com/retreat-waitlist. And I'll let you know as soon as was you know I know what's going on. We're almost there from hoping to have early bird ready for me. So let's dive into how do I plan for trips for our family.
Patricia Sung 4:51
First thing I will note is that I have an entire episode on how to travel on an airplane with kids. Pre pandemic, we did a ton of traveling my oldest was on like over 20 trips before he was too. So he was a well experienced flyer. And I absolutely adore exploring the world. So go back all the way to Episode 19, where I explain how to travel with small children, specifically for babies, toddlers and preschoolers on airplanes. Now, the first thing we do is our dates. What are our choices? Figure out what our budget is? Where have we been wanting to go? You know, sometimes it's determined for you like, you know, somebody's wanting, but brainstorming, where are the places we would like to go? What kind of transportation we're going to need to get there? Does it have to be an aeroplane? Do we want to consider driving? What are our lodging options? So I would say we probably spent a couple of weeks kind of tossing around ideas. But whenever we finally decide, I tried to book as many things as possible in that moment, so that I can cross as many things off the list as I can. So how we're traveling to get there, the hotel, transportation while we're there, if we need a rental car, if we're going there for a specific event, like making sure we have those tickets reserved, as much as I can I just try to knock it all out in hyperfocus mode, right, then I also make sure that I haven't written on my calendar immediately. That's one of the things that I teach about is like, No, all right, that don't later No, you will, no, you won't, don't worry yourself. No, you won't write it down.
Patricia Sung 6:28
Now I also scheduled myself a reentry day. So the day after my trip, I don't schedule other things. That gives me a chance to get my bearings catch up on laundry, just we exist in the world, especially like if something gets delayed, and you have getting up late getting in late the next day, like Gone are the days of my 20s when I would happily fly in at 11pm on Sunday and show up at work railer time on Monday. No, ma'am. That's not how the school is. Now, that means sometimes that our trip is shorter. And I think that's totally worth it, in my opinion. In that same vein of like writing everything down right away, I also use an app called TripIt. I really like this one, because whenever I get my email confirmations i for them to they have like a mean email of like plans@tripit.com or something like that. And it's connected to my account. So when it gets this confirmation from my account, it automatically puts it in his app, and then keeps track of all the stuff there in the app for me. So when I go on the trip, I have everything there. This is like not a sponsored ad or anything. It's just an app I love. And you can also share that with other people so they can see it. So like if my husband ends up being the one to buy the plane tickets, then he forwards me the confirmation and then I forward it to tripping. So it's all in my app in one place. Generally speaking, Google will usually added to my calendar for me when it comes through, but if not put on the calendar right away so that it's all exists in real life that don't forget
Patricia Sung 7:50
Next step is going through and thinking through like, is there anything unusual about this trip or aliens going to take me more time than normal? Things like looking at the travel requirements? Like for a long time? I don't know I probably should look this up the price on this. But before southwest if they were under to enroll at baby you're required to bring their birth certificate with them. But like United never did. I didn't really understand why that was in here. Do you need any vaccinations for that country? Do you need a travel visa? Do you want to have global entry if you're traveling out of the country, a lot of credit cards will have that as a benefit that they will reimburse you for the fee once every four years. So if you have a credit card with that sidenote, maybe we're that make sure your passport, you have one first of all if you're around the country, or check the expiration date, because usually you have to have like something like six months or something left in it, or else they won't let you leave or return. So make sure you got plenty of time on the expiration date.
Patricia Sung 8:56
Are there any other like interesting arrangements, you would need to make like pad setting or somebody getting your mail, you don't actually have to do all those things right now. But knowing that they exist, will allow your brain to like sit on them. And then I will actually like note in my calendar when those major things need to happen. So if we're going on a big trip, I'll make a note you know, a month ahead on my calendar of like, this is the day I need to go through and figure out this stuff. So it reminds me at that time you can use that in another app. And like sidenote, I generally don't use my calendar for to do list things because then ends up being like a muddled mess. What I will do is make a note on that day but then when I do my weekly prep for what's coming up, I will take that thing and then put it where it belongs so it doesn't just live on the random day. It either is like I need to go to store to buy snorkel equipment. Like I will put a lemon am on Monday go to the store to buy snorkel equipment or I will put it on When I do my prep time, so that when it's that day, I'm like, Alright, I need to add all these things to my list. And then I can delete them off my calendar. So they don't just live there in limbo, like once they go on the to do list where they need to go, my calendar is not the keeper of that information anymore. So just clarifying that note.
Patricia Sung 10:15
Next step is research, you know, assuming that you're going to be there for fun and not for, like, you know, wedding activities for three days straight, we look at like, what are the top activities we want to do on that trip, and then make some notes if like anything, we might need to know things like a lot of times, like museums will be closed on certain days of the week, a lot of restaurants will be closed on Mondays, or Tuesdays, like knowing those little things like, Oh, my goodness, we would be so disappointed if we went to go to this place, and then found out it is not open every Thursday, or whatever. And we categorize them by like, these are our like, top must do. This is the reason we're going for these things. And then also struggles like, nice to do of like, well, I'd like to do this. But like, you know, if you're the dude who hits the fan, we don't have to do those things, we just run on a time like that we already have a brainstorm of what we want to happen on that trip. So that way, when it gets closer, and we're actually trying to arrange what we're doing when we're are like we already know kind of what we want to do. And we're not trying to do the whole process from scratch, like a week out, we already know we want to do these five things, it'd be nice, we could also do these three things. And that's what we want to happen on the Strip. That also like gives us information for like what needs to be planned.
Patricia Sung 11:32
Now if any of these things are like, if we don't get to do this, this trip is not going to be successful, then we research those before we do the trip. Like example, we've really been wanting to go see the monarch butterflies, where they migrate in the winter, sidenote, my yard is full of native plants. And we have a ton of milkweed because the monarch butterfly, which my oldest told me is the state insect of Texas, apparently, according to him, I didn't actually verify that. And so we have a ton of milkweed because I really want I just watch out while I'm watching them. It's very peaceful to me. But I want to make sure that there's plenty of food for the caterpillars, and that we're helping the population also sad face, they are officially endangered. Anyways, we went through this trip, which sounds great. But like the only time of the year that you can go was obviously when they are upgrading in the winters do you have to go from like December to like, February ish. It's like, well, the kids are in school. So we're gonna have to like figure that out. At some point. Like, that kind of thing. It's like, if I want to do this thing, I'm gonna make sure I know when the right time of year is to do that before we book not after.
Patricia Sung 12:42
Okay, now, when we get to be like, a month out now assuming that this is like a big trip that we planned and now like thrown together last minute doodad about a month ahead. This is when we go back to those special event notes, any last minute reservations that we need like rental cars, or especially food reservations, or like if you need to order Thanksgiving catering, whatever that is like, those things happen about a month ahead of time, then when we're about a week or two ahead. This is when I go through and make sure they have everything that I need. Now, in the next episode, I'm going to talk about packing. So I'm not going to talk about that here. But this is the point where I'm like, Dude, I buy all the things I need to buy. We also look at the weather and kind of make a tentative plan for like what we're going to do when but it's pretty loose, like nothing's written in stone for us. Like it might rain this day. So we may have to rearrange this or that like we kind of just know, like, here's roughly what our parameters are, I guess this is also we look at like, the meal plan, like how many meals? Are we eating out? Like if we're somewhere where we can cook like, do we want to make a grocery list or have a you know, schedule a grocery pickup? Do we need to make a parking reservation at the airport, those things that like I want a little more time for and then the week ahead is really focused on the packing. So talk about that next week. Like I want to have most of my planning done at this point, because the packing process is more stressful for me. So this week ahead. It's really like do I know what's going on? Do I have all my details like my maps and directions places? If you're going to a major metropolitan city, like do you have the app for the subway, it's mostly just like a confirmation that I have everything that I need, because I don't want to also try to be figured out what's happening on the trip while I'm packing and doing laundry and all that. So that allows me to have most of the planning and prep done the week before.
Patricia Sung 14:33
So the week before is mostly packing and then whatever things I inevitably forgot about, because that always happens. So that makes that space a little bit just less stressful because you don't have as many things to worry about. And the more that I practice this prep, the less that I am like super stressed and up to like 2am packing, if you know you know, but yeah, that's like this whole process has helped a lot. Now great I have learned most of us from my very neurotypical husband who is very much a planner. And we definitely divide and conquer. I think if you're traveling in a group, it's definitely worth having a discussion about who's going to be in charge of what, like, generally speaking, that we divide and conquer on. Like, he's responsible for booking the hotel and the airfare and like all those kinds of reservations of like, like once we just had we're doing he's the one who actually like makes them happen. And I'm responsible for buying the things we need packing, putting it in suitcases, making sure the kids have everything they need, packing their bags for car, airplane travel. So that's how we divide and conquer.
Patricia Sung 15:40
But like we're all both involved in a lot of those steps. It's not like I'm just like, you figure out airplane tickets by I include my two sons, and we work on those together. Because I will say like a lot of the like logistics things we talk through, because we're gonna make sure that we're making the best choice especially like, you know, when involves like late flights, making sure like, our kid's going to be capable of functioning in an airport at 10pm. Probably not like I can still remember there was a trip where like, our flight got super delayed, and we ended up getting in like almost 11pm. At the time, our oldest was probably like two and a half. And we very rarely checked bags, we were carrying all of our suitcases. My husband had the car seat on his back and a backpack. And we have this super cool like rolly suitcase that in theory, my oldest was supposed to just like ride on and I could pull him but he was so tired at that point. Like he couldn't even Palin's on the suitcase, he refused to walk. He basically was just like, I'm so tired. I imagining anything. And we're like standing here looking at each other. Like, we got off like the jetway, and we're standing at the gate, just looking at each other like I don't understand. Like, I think there was a lot of bribery involved. Like, I think we ended up giving him snacks the whole way to be like, well, a little farther, we'll give you another like cracker or whatever, because Oh, my goodness, it was terrible. But you know what, that was a rare occasion. Like I said, he was on probably 20 trips in the first two years of his life. And there's only like three trips that stand out where I was like, Oh, dear, this was rough, but usually for like something minor. And it's totally worth it every time. But it's an effort to get there. Now, I am going to put all this onto a checklist for you. So you can just go to my website and download it, I'm gonna put the link in the show notes, because I haven't made it yet. So I don't have a link yet. But I'll put in the show notes where you can go and download this list. So the head, you already have it all right now and you don't have to make it Kuala. So you can plan your next trip and be ready to go.
Patricia Sung 17:45
Now I'm gonna add a little extra section on the end here because we were talking in last month in successful mama meetups, one of the days like I have every like social time is different because I don't want anyone to get bored. And this particular week, one of the rooms was like if you want to just ask other moms for their opinion on something, go here and ask. And so the people who wanted to ask a question or want to give advice show up in this room. And this mom asked like I'm leaving on my first trip by myself. And I'm very stressed because my daughter is just very anxious when I'm not there. What should I do? Like do you have any tips for me? So clarifying her daughter is 22 months. So obviously the advice will be different depending on how old your child is. But the overwhelming response from the other moms is that your daughter will be fine and you will be fine. Most of them were like my kid does not care that I left they have so much fun doing whatever is like unusual about staying with somebody else or not having mom around. But like in Holly heaven because they eat extra treats, and probably got to stay up later than usual and do things that they don't normally get to do with you. Like that's how it is for my kids. Like they have so much fun that they're kind of like oh yeah, you call it a cool, alright, we'll see you later. Like, do not care. There are some kids who are really going to struggle with this. And in this case, like you know your kid best, you will know if it will be more helpful for them to talk with you while you're away. Or if like ooh, that might be really hard for them. And like in this case, when the little girls 22 months like at that point kids don't have a full concept of like, I can see mom on the phone. I don't understand why she's here. So that might not be like an age where you really need to call and talk to them because they don't understand that you're not there and like why can't you be here like you're all you're here on the phone but on personally that doesn't make sense to them. So like that may not be helpful for you to call them every day. It might make them more upset and for some kids like one of the moms said even for her like her son I think was like seven like he still doesn't do well when she calls if she's on a work trip, so she just doesn't call as much as she wants to or If at all, and one of the moms gave really great advice of like, whoever you're trusting to take care of your kid, hopefully you also trust them enough to make the call of like how your kids doing that day and ask them like, hey, like, what's their capacity today? Like? Are they in a good mood? Like, are they really missing mom, and they feel better to talk to, or there's like, Oh, that's really just, you know, we talked yesterday and they're a hot mess afterwards. Like, that's probably not a good idea, like trust that they can make a good decision of whether or not it would be helpful for you to call or not.
Patricia Sung 20:31
Some other good ideas. Were like sending photos of what you're doing so that they can see you. But it's not a video like, Hey, where are you? Where are you? Why aren't you here. So I'm texting photos throughout the day of the three things you did that day, were just one Lissoni complicated here. And like, they also might be at the age where like, it would be really sweet to leave them a note for every day that you're gone, or make a little scavenger hunt activity so that they could find like, some little doodad everyday that you're gone like to like, have something to look forward to or to like have a countdown of like, Mom, we'll be back in three days. But again, that depends on how old they are, and how much they struggle with those concepts of you being gone. And you know, your kid fast. But also know like, it's really good for you to be away and just be a person and not mom for 24 or 48 hours a week, like that time away is really good for you to allow yourself to be just responsible for you. And not being the snack manager and naptime provider and all the other 400 hats you wear. Like that's really good for you. And oftentimes, it's good for our kids to know like one of the moms recommend you know that Daniel, Tiger grown ups come back, like grown ups come back, you're only going for a little bit, and you'll come back and they were okay. And there will be some kids who really struggle with this. But most of the time, it's certainly good for them to know that You're your own person and setting them up to see that mom still gets to be her own person so that when they grow up, they have a really healthy understanding of what it looks like to take care of yourself as a parent or as a grown up and knowing that it can be done that you can take care of yourself and still be a really great mom. So I'll leave you with that party knowledge. It is okay for you to be away from your family and everyone will be fine and that you deserve that time to be on your own and slow down and take care of yourself. I'll talk to you soon successful. For more resources, classes and community head over to my website motherhoodinadhd.com