Discounting Disability and Dismissing Disadvantages: Why We Don't All have the Same 24 Hours in a Day #135

 
 

True or false: we all have the same 24 hours in a day…?

If you said FALSE, you're 100% right, mama.

Sure, we have 24 physical hours. But depending on our abilities, circumstances and responsibilities…

Those hours look VERY different.

To a carefree, neurotypical teenaged boy, an hour might feel like eternity. He can hang out with friends, do some homework, watch a show, eat some food.

Leisurely.

To a work-at-home mama of 3 with ADHD, dinner on the stove, laundry to fold, an appointment she's late for, keys she can't find (again) and a puppy that needs house training…

Not so much.

A 500lb barbell is the same weight to an Olympic weightlifting champion as it is to me!

But he and I have a unique set of skills and abilities that mean he can lift it, while I just look at it and laugh.

Time is the same way, friend. It's measured the same. But we are not all equipped equally in how we spend it.

You’re putting in double the effort to get half the output than other people can. I see you.

This week's episode of Motherhood in ADHD is your permission slip to STOP beating yourself up for being 'bad with time’ and not ‘hustling’ your way to success.

Give it a listen and discover why you may have a different 24 hours than 'other moms.'

And as always, head over to patriciasung.com/resources for loads of free tools to help you feel more in control of your day and life.


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Patricia Sung 0:00

This ablest bullshit has got to stop. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get your mama, parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest or the visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life. Creatively, lovingly and with all right. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom.

Patricia Sung 0:55

ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama, you can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD. Before we get into our episode, let's read the review of the week which is from Mama Walker. Amy says I love your podcast. Thank you. Thank you so much for the encouragement Amy. While ADHD heart beats a little bit faster every time y'all let me know that this matters. And it's important to you and it makes a difference. So please help a girl out. And if you're on Apple tunes, or an app that allows ratings, please go in there and rate the show. They really do make my day.

Patricia Sung 1:39

Hey, they're successful mama, it's your friend Patricia Sung. As I was scrolling through Instagram yesterday, a business person that I quite enjoy following. I like their podcast a lot posted this quote from Zig Ziglar, which is lack of direction. Now lack of time is the problem. We all have 24 hours a day, this ableist bullshit has got to stop. This quote does not take into account any kind of background knowledge. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some people who don't have direction. But saying that you don't lack time, when you don't know anything about someone's life is crazy. I understand that everybody has 24 hours in a day. But also everybody has different constraints on their time, different responsibilities, different situation.

Patricia Sung 2:24

So how can you see that your 24 hours is the same as someone else's, this hit me in the gut. Because,nhello, what if you have health issues, I have a lot of those. And a huge amount of my time is spent doing doctor's appointments and therapies and treatments and having to rest more even though I don't want to rest more because I have things I need to get done. But I didn't get done because I wasn't feeling well. But I really need to rest in order to get better. I don't have as many hours in the day, when I spend four hours one morning driving to therapy, doing the hour to have therapy going to the daughter driving the hour home. Like that is a huge amount of time. And all of those extra things cost extra effort.

Patricia Sung 3:07

So that means you have less energy to do all the other things, let alone get the extra stuff done that you have to because of the responsibilities that you carry. We think about women's hormone cycles, like there are weeks that we feel great, and there are weeks that we don't feel great. And knowing that you're gonna get less stuff done when you're not feeling well. But knowing that it still has to get done. And you're gonna have to do it another time, when you don't have the physical capability to keep going. And you're not resting. That time counts differently.

Patricia Sung 3:37

If you have a disability. If you have ADHD, or dyslexia or any number of disabilities a physical disability, you're putting in double the effort to get out half the output that other people can do on a regular daily task. If you think about somebody who has a wheelchair, it's going to take them more time to get out of the house to get in a vehicle to travel into a building. All those things take extra time. Maybe reading takes you longer or completing quote unquote simple tasks takes you more time. And while some people may lack direction, what if that's because they've never had a healthy sense of direction in their lives? What if there is trauma, or an unhealthy family history which is so common in families with ADHD, whether you have PTSD or have had abuse in your life and you don't have that model of what good looks like or you don't trust your own direction, even though you know where you want to go.

Patricia Sung 4:35

You don't trust that you can that you're able to get there. What if you don't have healthy role models in your life to show you where that direction is? What if someone comes from a different culture? It's someone who is black or indigenous. There are so many unseen hurdles that we don't understand from the outside looking in from everything to pay gaps or Even getting your foot in the door or starting from a farther starting line. That all takes more time.

Patricia Sung 5:07

What if somebody doesn't have a lot of money, they can't pay to shortcut, they have to take public transport that takes longer to take the bus route and you have an hour trip instead of a 20 minute by car trip, or you have to go to the laundromat to do your laundry. That's way more time than doing laundry in your house. Pre doing Sure. Zeek was not a mom, although he was a dad, he had four kids, how was he able to do everything he did, he had a wife, a mother to his kids who carried the weight of being primary parent, I'm going to guess granted, I'm not the man. But as someone who's caring for other individuals, and is the default parent who is carrying the weight of all the responsibility. I don't have the same luxury of time I have people to feed, I have people that are sick, I have people that are waking up in the middle of the night. All of those things impact our time.

Patricia Sung 6:01

If you're caring for anybody, whether that's an elderly family member, or a sick loved one, all of those things require time. So to say that we all have 24 hours in a day is flipping at best and downright discriminatory at the worst. Hey, Mama, have you been over to my website and grabbed any of the free ADHD resources of God, you can make your mornings more peaceful. Overcome time blindness hurdles, learn ways to treat your ADHD beyond the obvious medication option, or grab a copy of all of my favorite ADHD resources on one page, you can snag these all on my website at Patricia sung.com forward slash resources. And I'll email you the PDF or the video.

Patricia Sung 6:45

Now don't go putting in your spammy junk email, okay, I'm not gonna send you junk. I email you once, maybe twice a week, for sure. I'll send you a note about this week's podcast topic. And if I'm having a particularly organized week, I might email you again about what's working for me ADHD this week, or venting about whatever executive function disaster happened. Your inbox is where I spill more of the beans. And if you change your mind, you can always unsubscribe, right? Plus, I really love hearing back from you. So write me an email back, tell me what's going on in your life, or what you want to learn about next. So go grab those free goodies, and I'll see you in your inbox.

Patricia Sung 7:23

I've been thinking a lot about how choice is a luxury. Choosing how to spend your time is a gift and not everyone gets it. Those choices may come with different weights and different consequences. It may not be as cut and dry of a decision. As we might think standing on the outside, I can say that I am so thankful that I can do all of these therapies for my chronic illness, even though they take me hours every week. But there are many people who can't afford to do those or don't have insurance, or don't have the ability to have someone else watch their kids while they go to those things. And those people are getting sicker and in more pain. And then guess what, it takes them longer to do staff.

Patricia Sung 8:04

So while we all have privileges, and we all have struggles, and we all have to take accountability for the choices we've made that may have ended us up in a different situation than we had hoped. I'm not saying to ignore the fact that reality exists. But I hope we can do a little bit better of a job of looking inside ourselves and realizing that we don't know what it's like to be in that person's shoes. I always got irritated with that freeze of like, oh, walk a mile in their shoes so that you can understand. It's like you know what, if you only had to walk a mile, that's not very far, imagine walking the full marathon. Imagine traveling that for the whole way the whole life carrying a burden for a little bit doesn't fully weigh in the mental fortitude it takes to deal with something day in and day out month after month, year after year.

Patricia Sung 8:56

So perhaps we could have a little more grace thinking how our words affect others. Words matter. They can hurt and they can uplift. How many times have you heard someone say I remember that one time that that one teacher said to me, and it happened to them back in like third grade when they're like eight years old. And they remember that as a grown up words carry weight. So when you read these quotes, and if you don't feel inspired, and instead you start to feel negative about yourself, I hope you can hear my voice telling you that you're valuable and that you are worthy.

Patricia Sung 9:32

Do not let anyone make you feel less than because you're not crushing goals and doing what people with less problems can do in less time. Be proud of what you've done with what you have, what you have overcome where you what you have done considering that you have a learning disability and whatever other baggage you're lugging around from the past few years of life. You are doing your best.

Patricia Sung 9:59

So I'm here to support you with tools for your brain know that their perspective is a reflection on them not on you. You're not less than because you have a differently wired brain. I hope you can feel proud of what you have accomplished and can put one foot in front of the other and keep going and knowing that what you're doing matters. I'm always here cheering you on. And we'll talk next week successful mama. For more resources, classes and community head over to my website motherhoodinadhd.com