Overcoming the Shame, Fear, and Embarrassment of ADHD Medication For Your Best Treatment Plan - Because Parenting with ADHD is a Different Ball Game! with Dr. Carolyn Lentzsch-Parcells #144
You should be able to get your kids to school on time.
You should be able to remember all your appointments.
You should be able to handle life without medications.
So many moms with ADHD have a habit of should-ing all over themselves.
Because we're still fighting the shame, embarrassment, and stigma associated with adult ADHD diagnosis.
During “Medication May” on the Motherhood in ADHD podcast, we want to encourage you to replace all your “shoulds” with “deserve.”
You deserve to be able to get your kids to school on time.
You deserve to be able to remember your appointments.
You deserve mediation so you can handle your life better.
This episode features Board-Certified Pediatrician and ADHD Specialist Dr. Carolyn Lentzsch-Parcells. As a doctor, and a mom with ADHD, she’s very familiar with the shame, stigma, and “shoulds”.
In part one of this two-part conversation, you’ll hear about:
- The hidden strengths in ADHDers
- The pros and cons of “leaning in” to your ADHD brain and doing things differently
- How the ADHD community can work to fight the shame and stigma of seeking treatment or medication for ADHD
- Why getting treated for your ADHD is never a “waste of resources”
- How to handle the fear and potential shame of telling friends and family you have ADHD
- And more!
Thank you, Dr. Parcells – for sharing your stories and insights!
To learn more about Dr. Parcells, visit her website at: www.GTW-health.com
To connect with Dr. Parcells, email her at: dr.carolyn.parcells@gmail.com
This material is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your doctor or a trained medical professional to find the treatment plan that best fits your personal situation.
In 11 weeks, you’ll set up a smooth, low-stress plan for your mom-life by designing your daily rhythms and routines fit for your ADHD brain.
Time Management Mastery for ADHD Moms is starting NOW! Join us here: http://bit.ly/adhdframework
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 00:00
And yes, I understand that from the outside that makes it look like I haven't figured out. I don't ask any of those many people I mentioned help me all the time, every day. This is not a one woman show by any stretch of the means, right?
Patricia Sung 00:14
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get your mama, parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama, you can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD.
Patricia Sung 01:22
Hey there successful mama. It's your friend Patricia Sung? Well, it is medicine may and probably a little bit of June. In this month, I'm dedicating the episodes of the podcast to sharing quality information, debunking myths and helping you figure out what you want to do about taking ADHD medication. Now in three years, I have avoided this topic because I was scared. As soon as you start talking about medicine, all the haters show up and start trolling. So I want to be clear, this material is not intended to be medical advice. This series, the entire goal is not to tell you what to do, or you should do this, you should do that. I can't decide that for you. I don't know your medical history or your values or your coexisting medical conditions. And even if I did, not a doctor, I'm a girl with a lot of personal experience who does a mountain of research. And I want you to do the same. Investigate research, don't take my word for it. Find a trained medical professional who has experience with ADHD to help you consult with your doctor and find the treatment plan that makes the best sense to fit your situation. Because you are the only one who can decide what's best for you.
Patricia Sung 02:37
When we have ADHD, we have spent a lot of time in our lives and being told that our perception of reality is wrong. And that leads to a lot of self doubt and lack of trust in our own decisions, then I want to change that. My goal is to arm you with as much information and knowledge and confidence that I can. I want you to decide to take or not take medicine because you are fully comfortable and competent in your decision. So many people with ADHD are not getting the best treatment out there because of lack of information, misleading information, or quite frankly, straight up BS on the internet. And by word of mouth. On top of that there is so much shame and embarrassment about having ADHD and treating ADHD and that includes taking medicine for your mental health. So when you show up at your doctor's office to ask about what your medicine options are, I want you to know what kinds of questions to ask. When you're talking to a provider that maybe doesn't know as much as you had hoped that you can recognize that lack of experience or knowledge and know that you would be better served to seek out a second opinion. I want you to feel empowered when you talk to your doctor to set up your treatment plan. So with that being said, let's dive into today's episode about ADHD medication. As part of medicine may I've invited Dr. Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells to share about ADHD medication. Now, I am thrilled to have found my unicorn to talk about this topic because not only is Dr. Parcells, a specialist in ADHD, she's also a mom with ADHD, parenting ADHD, like can we get a better match to talk about this topic with us? I don't think so.
Patricia Sung 04:24
Let me formally introduce her. Dr. Parcells is a board certified pediatrician and she works with girls to women and also young men, specifically working with them with their ADHD. She also works with learning issues mental and behavioral health. She's owned her own practice for the last five years and is really involved in CHADD, which if you're not familiar is that children and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It's a really great nonprofit helping families navigate what to do when you're dealing with ADHD. In this two part episode, we dive deep into ADHD medicine and do a lot Have mythbusting I asked you for your questions about ADHD and you share with me some of the crazy and ridiculous things people have told you about medicine, and we're going to debunk the things that are ridiculous and bring the truth to light in some of what you heard is true.
Patricia Sung 05:15
So let's sort through all that and figure out, where's the fact? Where's the fiction? And how can you make the best decision for your ADHD care, of course, we're going to get to know Dr. Parcells a little bit and talk about how she got diagnosed and where she sees the beauty in our ADHD and of course, how it affects her motherhood, we dive into the stigma behind needing or wanting help with your mental health taking medication. And then we get into that nitty gritty, what are the different kinds of medication that you can take for ADHD? How do they work? How do you figure out which one is the right one for you? We're going to touch on the uncomfortable topic of addiction. And the worry that sits on our hearts about taking a medicine that we know is a controlled substance. And how do we make the right choice. We'll also dig into side effects and hormones in as many pieces as we can fit of the pie into this two part episode. This is a complicated topic. It's nuanced, it's layered. And I want you to have as much information as you can to make the best decision for you. So let's welcome Dr. Parcells to the show. How are you doing today?
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 06:22
I'm good, how are you?
Patricia Sung 06:23
I'm good. I cannot wait to dive in. But before we get into our whole medication discussion, I won the mama listening to know a little bit about you. And you know, you are a mom, you have ADHD and you're a doctor who works with people who have ADHD, how did you come to find out that you had ADHD and like where did that path go and our most Reader's Digest version that an ADHD person can tell this?
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 06:50
Right? I will try to tell it as straight of a line as I possibly can, which is a very wavy line. But I always tell people I get the more I realize kind of how lucky I was because I was diagnosed relatively speaking early for our generation, especially women in our generation. I was about 17, when I had my testing done. And what happened basically was that a family member of mine who was younger, was being diagnosed and my parents looked at the situation and looked at the questions that were being asked and looked at me and went, Wow, that looks familiar. And luckily, they were astute enough to pick up on that. And then they did something about it. And they had me tested. And it turned out that I had ADHD combined type as well as actually a learning disability in reading and written expression. And I was at an all girl school doing pretty well grade wise, but it was at a cost, shall we say, I was doing well. But it was not easy. And I did have to work more. And I feel like harder a lot of times than some of my peers and I had to work differently. And we just didn't know what that was at the time. And my parents, I always struggle.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 07:57
But my parents also always advocated for me, even though they didn't have a name for it. Right. And once I was diagnosed, actually, I think what's kind of sort of ironic, full circle kind of now is that at the time, my parents again, were very supportive. They were supportive of the possibility of utilizing medication. And I was the one who was against it. Because I was 17. And I knew everything. And I think like many of us, I'd like to go back and smack my 17 year old self. And you know, my mom, I love to always quote her because she's always been like when it comes to anything mental health related. She's always said she's like, look, she loves the diabetes analogy. And she's always told me she's like, Hey, if you were a diabetic, would you not take your insulin? I don't think so. So my resistance to medication didn't come from that, which I also think is kind of unique for a lot of people's stories. But like so many other folks, I think I didn't want to use my diagnosis or medication as an excuse or as a crutch. So I've kind of gone through that journey myself that I feel like a lot of people go through and full circle to now when this is what I do for a living. So yeah, so that's kind of how it got started.
Patricia Sung 09:08
Now, why on earth, If you have all these struggles, would you be like, Hey, let's go to med school?
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 09:17
That is a great question. I joke that I was pre med when I popped out of the womb. I don't actually remember wanting to do anything else with my life. I'm that kid that like did masking tape casts on her dolls, physical exams on the babysitter and my cousins who are all boys would play war and I would be bandaging them up with the toilet paper behind my grandmother's sofa. I don't know that there was ever a choice was always just kind of what I was going to do and who I was going to be. And the other piece of the that was I don't take kindly to people telling me what I can't do or what I shouldn't do. And I had a lot of really great support again from my family and my friends, but there were definitely people along away who even if they didn't flat out say, I couldn't be insinuated that I couldn't. And that just lit the fire that much more. I might be just a little competitive. Just Just Just a smidge. Yeah.
Patricia Sung 10:14
What do you say you had to do things differently? Obviously, the time you didn't know for sure, what are some of those ways that you did school and med school differently than other people?
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 10:26
Well, what I didn't actually know until I was older was I was supposed to fail third grade, because those stupid speedy math tests, not because of anything else, just those stupid speedy math tests. By the way, it's not like I can't do math, right, I did Advanced Math. Later on, it was the whole processing speed and attention issue. And my parents not only found me a tutor, they found me a tutor who knew how to teach me like how to remember the stuff quickly. Like really some of those just tricks, and my dad would read my summer reading out loud to me, you'd have me follow along, but he'd read it out loud to me. And as I got older, I started to learn some of those tricks like studying in a room by myself where I could read it out loud, while highlighting to keep myself engaged to compensate for my tracking difficulties. You know, some of those things that I just kind of came up with along the way, not even realizing that I was coming up with it. But once I was diagnosed, I did get accommodations. And I begrudgingly accepted the accommodations. And I'm very grateful that I did. And that was actually kind of one of the aha moments for me is I had taken the LSAT and SAP two subject tests before I was tested. And then I took them again with extended time. And then I got my scores. And then I went, Oh, okay, maybe I do have something going on here. It was a shocking difference. And it was enough to really help me understand, even if I was still wasn't totally ready to accept all of it, that there was something different about how I functioned and how I did things and that it wasn't all bad.
Patricia Sung 11:53
Where do you find your strengths? In your ADHD?
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 11:57
Oh, so many places? Oh, I'm so glad you asked that question. We focus so often on the negatives, right, and on the challenges of it, but I tell my patients all the time, I tell my kids all the time that absolutely there are strengths in our ADHD, I don't want to discount the challenges. Those are legit. But no, absolutely. I actually joke with my patients that, you know, I used to get made fun of for talking too much and my energy level, and now I get paid for those things. Oh, and people ask me all the time, if I could bottle up and sell my energy. So no, I do think things like creativity, our ability to see solutions to problems that other people don't see our ability to think creatively. I think it's interesting too, because there's this concept that we and it's not altogether false, but that we miss details. That's not completely true. We notice everything, which makes it hard for us to focus in on particular details. And sometimes we miss the details that are important. Sometimes we miss the details, or we don't focus on the details that other people think are important. But as a result, though, sometimes we also catch the things that other people miss.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 13:06
And I honestly feel like that is a big part of what helps me to be good at what I do as a physician. It's why I'm a good diagnostician because I can hear the details in the story that maybe somebody else might miss. And then I can dive into those and go down that rabbit hole and find what somebody else might have missed. And I think the hyper focus I also kind of joke is both our superpower and our kryptonite, if we hyper focus on the right thing, man, you know, we can be incredibly productive, incredibly creative, if we're hyper focused on the thing that we don't need to be hyper focusing on can be a challenge. Yeah, for sure. And I think that's the kind of double edged sword of ADHD is it's I always I talked about the fact that we were flip switch people, not dimmer switch people. So we're on or we're off. And that applies to everything, our energy level, our attention, our focus, our motivation, our emotions, all of those things. And again, as a result, some of that can be really, really helpful and really, really beneficial. And yet, sometimes it can be also very challenging.
Patricia Sung 14:09
And then, of course, the flip side, where do you find your ADHD makes your motherhood more difficult? I'm still gonna take it back positive how right you know, you're able to work around that and use your ADHD in a positive way.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 14:21
Oh, how much time do we have? No, I mean, in all seriousness, I feel like ADHD in some ways, is more challenging for me now than it ever has been at any other point in my life. And I think a lot of that is because you know, when we're younger, when we're a lot younger, some of those things that are challenging for us, like organization, staying on task and other things. You can get away with it as a kid to a certain extent. And then as a young adult, before you have a family of three kids, if failed, or if I felt like I failed, right? Let's clarify that at something or didn't get something done. It really only affect did me, yeah. Now I have a clinic full of people, staff that rely on me, I've got patients, my kids, I've got my husband, I've got way too many animals in the house, there's so many more things to juggle schedules to organize so much more demands on our executive function as a mom than I ever had in my life previously. But then in addition to that, there's all these other people who are, or at least who I feel like are dependent on me. And so if I slip up, or if I feel like I've slipped up, or I feel like I haven't done something quite right, it doesn't just affect me. And I think to be fair, I think that's something that all moms face these days, whether you have ADHD or not, right, there's this whole concept like we should work like, we don't have a family and we should mother, like, we don't have a job. So I think that's a fairly common, if not universal struggle for us these days. I just think it's magnified when you have ADHD. And yeah, it's definitely the executive functioning organization, calendar aspects, time management aspects of life. Who, the time blindness, man, that's a tough one.
Patricia Sung 16:10
So what scaffolding Have you put in place to support you in those areas? Because you're clearly running a lot. So I feel like you must have some tricks up your sleeve?
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 16:20
I do. And sometimes those tricks work really, really well. Sometimes they really, really don't. The honest answer is again, to quote my lovely mother staff up, no joke. First of all, my staff at my work are just amazing humans, my office manager, we joke that she herds us, she likes to refer to herself as our Border Collie, because she herds us. So I do I have a lot of help at work at one of the best things. And somebody suggested this to me, and I have a personal assistant. The funny thing is, I hesitate to tell people that was like all your personal. But she's a wonderful human, who I only need to use when I need to use her. In fact, she was here this morning, God bless her, but she helps me whether it's making sure those return, I swear she pays for herself in the returns that get returned on time. Okay, and the bills that get paid on time, I save enough in late fees to pay her to help me. But I think really, the gist of it is kind of joke around about it. But it's help, it's having help. It's having family nearby having friends nearby, if you have the opportunity to pay for some help. That's always great.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 17:28
But even just having your village, I think one of the things that we kind of bang our heads against is constantly trying to figure out how to do the things that we struggle to do. And yes, I'm not saying don't build your skills. I'm not saying don't come up with structures that work for you. But also recognize that you don't have to do it all yourself, and you shouldn't do it all yourself and find those humans in your world who can help with that. And maybe there's something that you can help them with, right. So there's those things. There's also alarms on my phone. And by the way, the big key love alarms. But I was I was talking to a patient about this actually just yesterday, I was like you know what, here's the key though, hit snooze, not stop, hit snooze until it is done. Because otherwise, right, you hit stop five seconds later that alarm never went off. It didn't exist, gone. Bullet Journal, Bullet Journal, I avoided the bullet journal for a very long time, because I was afraid I would get sucked in and not come out the other side. But one of my colleagues actually at work, she sent me a great article, I have to send it to you about kind of like the minimalist bullet journal. And it's been really helpful because now I have basically my weekly agenda, but it's suited to me, because I could never find something that worked exactly for me. And the other thing that's great about it, because we thrive on novelty is as soon as that structure stops working for me, I can tweak it just a little bit. And that it works better for me.
Patricia Sung 18:49
I'm like, I've never put that together. I was like, that's how I created my course was that I use my bullet journal until I figured out what worked. And then I made it into a template. But it was like years of iterations. Yeah, and that bullet journal before I found
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 19:04
Oh, absolutely. Third one now, and it still changes.
Patricia Sung 19:08
Yeah, like as a mom, your schedule is never gonna stay the same, because your kids are changing all the time.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 19:13
So can I tell you by the way, it's because you brought that up, I would just this cracked me up the other day I saw something about it. And of course it was a guy but talking about how you shouldn't have a to do list. You should have it scheduled every minute of your day. And I'm like, Oh, you do not have children. And if you do, you are not the primary caretaker. Children do not allow for a scheduled minute by minute day.
Patricia Sung 19:33
Yeah, because then they vomit. They're gonna reschedule Yep.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 19:36
Or someone doesn't get up on time, or someone's cranky or someone's school changed the schedule on you and you miss the email. That's my personal favorite.
Patricia Sung 19:44
Early dismissal, again, how do we have early dismissal again?
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 19:47
Oh, sweet goodness. Stop.
Patricia Sung 19:52
I pretty much made a rule now and I maybe I shouldn't say this out loud. But my rule now is that I pretty much don't take advice from anyone who is not a mom? Because they mean well, they do not understand. Like, bless your heart, it's true. So that's
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 20:09
Bless your heart, bless your heart
Patricia Sung 20:12
You don't know what it's like to be natural or have all the things. Now, I'm glad that you can do all that with your free time that I don't have. So, now I'm like, if you're not a mom, and if you don't understand ADHD, I'm sorry.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 20:27
So that was actually lovely I was about to bring up is if they don't, you have to parent different when you have ADHD or when you have kids with ADHD, you just do. And that is the other piece of it. And I do think that's the other piece of like, as a mom, the other part that can be so hard about having ADHD, parenting kids with ADHD is the world still has neurotypical expectations. And you know what, my car's not clean, and it's not going to be clean, because my kids eat in the car, because that's how we roll. And I'm also not cleaning up their mess for them, they're going to clean it up. And no, I'm not going to remember to ask them and to remind them to clean it up every single day, it's going to get to the point where we're all like, this is disgusting. So we're gonna clean it out this weekend, and we're gonna clean it good, because then we're all gonna hyper focus on it until it's really clean. And then we're gonna roll again until it's nasty. But when that teacher opens the car door to get them out in the morning. There's that look. Yeah, or that comment? Or you perceive that there's that locker that comments. And I think that's also one of the things that's really tough for us. For sure.
Patricia Sung 21:39
Do you wish there was a way to feel like you're not feeling it life and motherhood every day, and know what it's like to run around all day like a headless chicken stressed because you're late to everything. And when you finally sit down after the kids are in bed, you think about how you didn't get anything done. And somehow your to do list was longer than when you started out this morning. You're tired drowning in feel like you'll never catch up. But imagine this. When you sit down at the end of the night. There's no mound laundry, you know, it's for dinner, you spend some quality time with your kids and Medusa mom didn't even rear her ugly head at bedtime. And you did something kind of just for yourself today. If you did even one of those things today, you'd be thrilled right? It's not a fairy tale, Mama. There are other moms with ADHD getting their days together, in you can do. That's why I created time manager mastery for ADHD moms where I teach you how to create a rhythm for your day in an ADHD friendly way that puts the lengthy To Do List of motherhood on automate. So you don't have to think about when you'll sleep next, or how you'll find time to pay that bill you've been putting off, you'll be able to make a plan for your day that is fluid enough for your ADHD brain to stick with been structured enough to feel like you're in control. Remember, our rhythms and routines serve us not the other way around. Over the next 11 weeks you will create a flexible framework for your day and walk away with a community of moms who understand you enter cheering you on and say I'm right there with you. Because being a mom is hard, we will get off track. That's just part of ADHD. But now you will have the support to get back on track. When you are struggling. We meet weekly to help us remember, oh yeah, we're working on a goal. Most importantly, you'll learn about how your ADHD brain works so that you make decisions from a place of competence because a healthy mama leads a healthy family. Being proactive comes from a place of strength, which takes a ton of strain off your relationships because you are in a better place. When you're ready to lighten your load. By making a daily plan and figuring out what makes sense for your ADHD brain and enjoying more of your motherhood. It's time to sign up for the Time Management Mastery for ADHD Moms program to program starting right now. Hello, immediate gratification. So sign up right now at bit.ly/adhdframework that is bit.ly/adhdframework. And it's all lowercase letters bit.ly/adhdframework. So sign up now before you forget, okay. I can't wait to help you feel good about your day. But more importantly, I want you to feel good about yourself. Sign up at bit.ly/adhdframework.
Patricia Sung 24:32
Yeah, I would say like I'm totally getting off on a tangent of what my outline was. But I think that's a really important point to hone in on is that there's a lot of discussion around how with ADHD we should like buck the norms and like do our own thing and really lean into your brain and do things in a different way. And while I love that advice, when you are a mom, and you are responsible for tiny people, and those tiny people are Also part of society, like, there's no way to just like Ryan said, and grow all your own vegetables and don't connect with other people that you aren't going to have to follow some kind of schedule. And you aren't going to have to have some kind of semblance of organization, because motherhood is a different job. And we can't just like throw all of the expectations out the window, because we have people relying on us for assistance.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 25:29
Exactly. And I do think it's important for us, like, for example, if our kids also have ADHD, which, let's be honest, is often the case, right? Because just a little genetic there, we still have to teach them the balance, I feel like is that I'm always kind of trying to strive for at least in my family is I want them to love and accept who they are. I want them to stand up for who they are. I don't want them to necessarily change for the world, but have the strength to change the world. At the same time. I do not do them a service, if I do not explain to them. And I do not help them to be prepared for the world the way it is. Right? There's a difference between them making the choice to book a particular system right? Or question a certain system or what have you, as opposed to walking in their blind and getting blindsided by it? Yeah, and for example, things like being one of the big struggles we've had, which I'm sure many people will identify with, is being on time to school. I personally don't feel like, you know, it doesn't. I don't need my kids to be super punctual. I don't need them to get like, you know, the 100%. You know, attendance record. Yeah. But what I do know, is that when they are late, it starts their day off, stressful and harried and frazzled. And that is not a way to start their day. And it is not a way to start my day. But what do I do to fix that? Right? And how do we address that? And, you know, it's things like that, that I think, kind of come back to your point of like, yeah, sure, if we just kind of went completely homestead homeschooled, whatever, it wouldn't be an issue. But then I also wouldn't be teaching them when there's an expectation to be on time when they have a job later on. Right? Or, you know, when, right or when other people take it as offensive that they were late, because somebody else might read that as you being disrespectful or insensitive, or devaluing of their time. So how do we handle that? And how do we message that? So I completely agree with you. I think it's, it's a balance. It's a it's a tough one, too. And it's, it's, I think, a daily trying to figure out how best to do that.
Patricia Sung 27:45
I think one of the hardest parts about being a mom with ADHD is that you're trying to manage all this for yourself. And then you're also trying to teach someone else how to do things better than YouTube, is what it sounds like, and you're trying to teach them skills that you don't feel like you fully mastered yourself. And that's a very stressful place to be as a parent.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 28:10
Yes, yes, it is. And I think the other thing I think is really interesting, too, is that I've just I've noticed doing the work that I do is, yes, it is our job as adults to try to teach kids the skills that they need. But we also need to recognize when we're expecting more of those kids, and we're expecting of ourselves. Yeah, you know, so much. So, again, I think that one of the challenges for any parent of any kid I just think it's a little bit more magnified for us is that they're part of teaching them is modeling that behavior. And when you struggle with that yourself, yeah, dysregulation, organization, staying on task, time blindness, again, to kind of turn it positive, though, one of the positives to it too, though, and coming back to kind of embracing it, or at the very least acknowledging it is the other side of that though, is we can say to our kids, Hey, man, I struggle with that, too. You see that? Right? You see moms struggle with that? Well, here are the things that I'm working on. Here's what I'm trying to do to work on that, you know, we can come to them with so much more empathy, if we're willing to write, like, Hey, I get it, I get you're upset. I totally see that. I that would make me mad, too. I totally get it. But we got to work on it. Right. And so I do think that's one of the real positives of being a parent with ADHD, especially if you are parenting children with ADHD is there's an understanding there that you wouldn't otherwise have.
Patricia Sung 29:41
And empathy
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 29:42
yeah, connection.
Patricia Sung 29:45
And the ability to embrace those weird solutions that are out of the box and being like, Alright, cool. Well, let's do this. I'm sure 99% of families would think this is a goofball idea, but let's say Okay, let's try it. Let's see what happens and you That flexibility that we have. Yes, exactly, is definitely a highlight. Okay, I could go on to chatting about life for a while here. But let's dig into our medicine topics here. We're talking about medicine, all of me on the podcast. And what I want to do in this episode is for moms to understand, overall, just the different types of medicine and how they work. But then also, like going through a lot of the like, Mythbusters that are in there. Well, yeah, you're things that and then you start to worry, because somebody says, yeah, it's gonna happen. And then we send down this rabbit hole, because we're very good at rabbit holes. Oh, and oh, yes, we are like, our anxiety takes over. And we're running amok with this, like, Doomsday idea that it's like, first of all point, oh, 1% likelihood of happening? And then if it did, it would not be catastrophic to that degree. Right? How do we overcome that shame, and the fear and the stigma? All it's like, I want to dig into that. And that's usually where I want to start is that one of the myths that I want to bust is that we should feel ashamed for needing help with our mental health or needing medicine or not even meaning, but wanting want Yes, support and wanting yes to take medicine? I know, this is like such a big question like, how do we combat that? How do we change the paradigm? Yeah. And in everything, make the biggest question ever. What do we do?
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 31:31
I think that's but it is, but it is the question. Right? It is the question. And I think, honestly, this what we're doing right now having the conversations talking about it, normalizing it. I actually, even with all that I do. You know, I speak on medications. I do education. I teach at one of the medical schools here. It wasn't until was it last October, I think that I did the TED Talk. The not TED Talk, TED Talk, ADHD, I know, it was really cute kind of take off on TED. But I was asked to do a talk on my personal journey. And that was one of the as open as I am about my diagnosis as open as I am about a lot of my journey. That was something I didn't really talk about. And it's still something that I mean, I think, you know, boundaries. You know, I don't I don't really give all of the details. But I did start to realize that to your point, part of the decreasing the stigma, and decreasing the shame around it is being willing to talk about it. And being willing to say like, Yes, I am a physician. And yes, I own my own practice. And yes, I have kids. And yes, I understand that from the outside that makes it look like I have it figured out. I don't ask any of those many people I mentioned help me all the time, every day. This is not a one woman show by any stretch of the means, right. And I think that's so important for people to hear, not just in the help that we ask for, in any sense of help or support that we need. For that we're asking for whether that is the people who help us whether that is therapy, whether that is medication, whether that is ADHD coaching, I've had as much as I can I promote coaching, like it's going out of style. I think it's awesome. I wish ADHD coaching had existed when I was younger, I've utilized coaches myself, and yet, I still have to wrap my head around, should I really spend the money on that? Because it feels like it's something I should be able to do on my own. Right? Like, is that something I should put my time and resources into, because even though logically, I know, that'll help me and because it helps me, it'll help me be a better mom, right? And it'll help me be a better doctor. I feel like those are things that I should be able to do on my own. And so then there's a sense of shame of even putting my time or my resources towards that. Right. And I think medicine falls into that as well. And again, as moms. That whole put your your own mask on before you help somebody else in the airplane. Yeah, we're not good at that. We're not good at that at all.
Patricia Sung 34:08
Wandering around holding our breath shoving masks on.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 34:11
everybody else until we pass out. And you know, there's a reason they say to put your mask on first so that you don't pass out so that you can't help everybody else. But we do we have a tendency and I see this in myself but I also see it in moms and dads, you know, but especially moms every day in my clinic, is like I literally will say to them, you get to take care of yourself and that's when the tissue box gets used. But I tell them like you, this is hard. You deserve to go to that not just you should go to therapy for your family. You deserve to go to therapy. You deserve to get medication, if it's going to help you. You deserve coaching if it's going to help you but what gets them to do it is when I say to them because you doing that will help you help your kids and your modeling to be behavior for them. What's really fascinating to me is that's when I get moms to do it for themselves is when I tell them, they're doing it for their kids. But again, there's an I feel the same way. It's like I, again, I'm a physician, I should not spend 30 minutes in the morning trying to find my shoes after yelling at my kids for 30 minutes to find their shoes. Right, I shouldn't be able to find my keys. I should remember the defrost the chicken for dinner, so that we're not eating Chick fil A, again, right? Um, I should be able to get everybody to bed on time, I should be able to get everybody up on time, I should be able to get everybody to school on time.
Patricia Sung 35:40
should, should, should should should.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 35:43
We should all over ourselves. Yes. Yes, we do. So I think going to be a quick fix by any stretch of the means. But we start by having those conversations, we start with having those honest conversations about what we're struggling with about what helps us about the fact that it's okay to need help, because we all need help whether we have ADHD or not. You know, I think normalizing it just in general is where we go with that. And I The good news is I do feel like it's really been within about the last five years, maybe a little bit more than that maybe 10 years. But definitely within the last five years where I feel like I've seen more of a shift in the sense that I think more people are willing to talk about it. You know, there's a lot of downsides to things like social media. But I think some of the upsides to social media to all these wonderful podcasts like yours coming out. And things like that is there's more platforms available, there's more information available to people to find that information and to kind of find their tribe and find the support that they need. And I think that's the good news is I think there's a lot of while some of that stuff is also spreading some myths, which we'll circle back around to. It's also one of the ways that we're having those conversations. And that's a good thing.
Patricia Sung 36:57
In that process of starting to talk about it. I mean, for me, too, but a lot of moms is that, then when you start speaking about it, then you get this judgment from your inner circle, the you know, family and friends are set like our own selves. How do we overcome those negative voices that start when when we are brave enough to finally say something? And then yeah, the trolls show up.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 37:21
Yep. Well, you know, I think, again, I don't think that's necessarily unique to those of us with ADHD. I don't think it's unique to the situation. I don't think it's even unique to this era. We've moms have always judged each other sadly. Okay. And society has always judged us. I think, you know, there's always whether you decide to kids medicine, or you decide not to give your kids medicine, there are going to be people who think that's the wrong choice, whether or not you decide to have your child diagnosed or don't have your child diagnosed, there's going to be people who have an opinion about that decision, whether or not you're making those choices for yourself, there's going to be people who have opinions about that decision. And sometimes those people are very close to you, which I think makes it harder. Sometimes those people aren't. But I think I saw recently I love Brene Brown, I love her. And I saw just the other day, I saw a clip of her speaking, a newer one. And she was talking about candle blower outers.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 38:15
So I saw that on how she Yes, candles. But I love that concept of surround yourself with people who see your light on or your light, value your light. And don't try to sniff out your light. And I think that's beautiful. And it to a certain extent, we have control over that, right? We have control over the the friends we allow into our lives, the people that we choose to follow on social media, the podcasts that we choose to listen to those kinds of things. I think it's harder when it's the people that we don't have as much of what we say say and and how much influence they have on our lives. And that's when I think it can be more challenging. And it can also be more challenging to hold those boundaries. But again, I think the more we talk about it, and the more that we, for lack of a better term stick to our guns about it. Yeah, the further we're going to move that needle, right? And the easier it's going to be for us to stay true to ourselves and stand up for our kids and surround ourselves with the people who do help bolster us up and help keep that flame lit and guard that flame for us when other people are trying to blow it out.
Patricia Sung 39:21
Yeah, I have to remind myself that even though it feels like we've been talking about ADHD for 100 years, which we have, and yet somehow we still feel like we're at the beginning here. Because I feel like we're just now hitting that stage where people are really openly discussing. Yeah, it. It's like we're still in that grassroots. We are free. Yeah. And yeah. Like this is a stage of sacrifice. And like you look back at any movement that's happened throughout history those Oh, yeah, initial starters. Like they did sacrifice that it was a toll. There was a price to pay. Yes. Yeah, it is hard.
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 39:56
It is hard. And you know what's really interesting too, is you don't always recognize was when you are in that phase I didn't know. So I am a scrunchie doodle older than you. And like I said,
Patricia Sung 40:08
I would think that much older than me, but I thank you a few
Dr. Carolyn Llentzsch-Parcells 40:11
Just a few years, just a few years. Um, but no, but it was what was really interesting to me is like I said, I was diagnosed and I got accommodations. And it wasn't until I went back for one of my reunions, I can't remember which one it was now. But I went back to one of my high school reunions and one of my absolute favorite teachers, my AP chemistry teacher who was a wonderful human. We were talking and she was one of those people, by the way, that was really great to go back and give her my business card. Not because she told me I couldn't because she told me I could. And it was it was that was really cool moment. That was that was a really neat moment to be like, here's my business card. I did it. But no, but she was talking to me about the fact that I think she said I was at least one. But I thought I think she told me I was her first student with accommodation. And I had no idea. I mean, I knew a lot of a lot of it wasn't a common thing. But yeah, apparently for some of my teachers, I was their very first student who had accommodations, I had no idea that I was the guinea pig that I was in that role. You know what I mean? So yeah, we've come a long way. But we still have a ways to go. And we're still learning to. I mean, that's the other thing is we're still learning a lot about ADHD. And as long as these medicines have been around, which is very long time, believe it or not, they're still what we're learning there, too, you know.
Patricia Sung 41:23
All right, Mama. Let's pause there. And come back next week for part two, where we dig into the nitty gritty of ADHD medication. I'll talk to you then successful mama.
Patricia Sung 41:37
Hey there, Mama. I've got something fun for you. Who doesn't love a quiz? I want to know which mama animal are you because you're not your average Mama Bear. You have a magical ADHD brain that puts a sprinkle of brilliance on everything you do. Sure, you may have forgotten that laundry in the washer for the third time. But what are your strengths? What makes your ADHD parenting style unique to you? How do you use that sparkle to bless your family? So which mama animal are you? Find out by taking the quiz? What's your ADHD mama parenting style because you're not your average Mama Bear? Head on over to patriciasung.com/quiz and find out and then when you do I want you to post your results on social media so we can see that your hashtag, not your average Mama Bear along with the hashtag. I'm a mama and I'm feeling the animal that you get. Again, that's patriciasung.com/quiz. And I can't wait to see what you get. So tag me @motherhoodinadhd.
Patricia Sung 42:41
For more resources, classes and community head over to my website motherhoodinadhd.com