The Power of Community: 5 Things I Learned From Hanging Out With ADHD Moms This Weekend #211
When you’re dreaming about taking time for yourself, does that nudge (or wave) of guilt make you pause?
Today, I’m reflecting on 5 things I learned this weekend while I hung out with many of you.
This past weekend was my ADHD Moms Weekend Retreat and we had a blast! It was soo soo good and I didn’t want it to end! We rested, we ate hot food, and we focused on ourselves.
One of the things we all discussed was how refreshing it was to be the most important person on the agenda and the moms wished they could stay another day (or 3, lol!). Next year’s retreat will also be a weekend, but I’m certainly dreaming of longer trips in the future!
Listen in as I discuss what you all told me are the challenges of being an ADHD mom and the importance of embracing our unique strengths and abilities. We need self-care and the incredible impact it can have on ourselves and our families, so you can feel strong about prioritizing your well-being and break free from mom guilt.
Want to join us next year? Join the waitlist for the 2024 retreat here: https://www.patriciasung.com/retreat-waitlist
Make your life easier as a mom with ADHD. All of my free resources are in one place: download my ADHD Mama Toolkit for support and strategies to create a life fit you and your family.
pATRICIA SUNG:00:56
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy? You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get you, mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard? Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life, creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully and, in turn, lead our families well. At the end of the day, we just wanna be good moms. But, spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess, mama.
pATRICIA SUNG:01:27
You can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story, And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD. Hey there, successful, mama. It's your friend, Patricia Sung. It is currently Sunday, the last day of the ADHD moms retreat. And Wow. I am leaving with a really full heart and a heavy heart in knowing that, Wow. Like, being an ADHD mom is hard.
pATRICIA SUNG:02:34
Everything is so nuanced and so layered, and the things that we struggle with, It's not easy stuff. It's not things that we can solve in answering 1 question or posting something on Facebook and getting a, you know, couple sentences back in response. Like, the stuff that we are dealing with as moms When we have ADHD in the mix in our families is detailed and complicated and nuanced, and there's so much that comes with it. And along with that, like, my heart is really full. To know that I got to spend 3 days with y'all, with my people, feeling heard and understood and building community and feeling supported and so many moments of like, oh, they they get me. You get me. At one point, we were walking to lunch and some, like, police and an ambulance or whatever drove by. And I looked around and half the The group had their fingers in their ears because it was like, oh, that is very echoey in between large buildings and not feeling Self conscious to be like, this is too much for me.
pATRICIA SUNG:03:08
I don't like this. Ears plugged. Thank you. Like, having that support and knowing that you can talk to people and they just get it is life giving? And the thing that hit me most is that You, me, like, we need to be taken care of. We need to have a break. We need space to just take care of ourselves, and that This is not a selfish thing. This is important, and it matters. And you deserve rest because you deserve rest? Because you're a human who does lots of staff, and you need that space.
pATRICIA SUNG:04:28
And you don't deserve it because you do lots of stuff. You deserve it because you're you, and you deserve to be cared for? One of the things that hit me most was seeing the moms who were there last year and came back this year and seeing the change within them? 1 of the moms has truly blossomed into, like, being her true self and talking when she used to just blend into the background and stepping up and voicing her opinion and seeing her feel comfortable being herself Just makes my heart, like, explode with pride and excitement for her. 2 of the other moms were talking about how they don't feel guilty for doing stuff for themselves? One of them talked about, like, every night she goes running. Well, you know, most nights, she goes running after the kids are in bed, and that now Her husband knows, like, this is, like, a nonnegotiable thing. Like, this is part of your mental health support. Like, yes, the exercise part is great, but, like, mentally, that that space, the movement, how much it supports her emotionally in feeling stable and like this being something that she really needs? And then he will shoo her out the door and be like, I got this. I got bedtime. Go.
pATRICIA SUNG:05:07
You need that. I'll clean up the dishes. You go. Another one was talking about how she goes and Does CrossFit that she used to do before kids 6 years ago, but now she's going multiple times a week because she knows how important it is not to take care of herself? Health? Again, not that it needs to be primarily driven by, like, needing exercise. It's like, yes, that's great for us. But, like, mentally and Feel like, spiritually, how much that movement supports us. And then now she's okay saying, like, this is something that I need to do and taking care of me. She said Last retreat helped her murder her mom guilt and bury you in the backyard.
pATRICIA SUNG:06:30
Like, she doesn't feel guilty taking care of herself anymore because she sees how it affects her family and the way she is able to show up now because she takes care of herself? Multiple moms told me, like, I realized that I was not taking care of myself, and that was not the way I wanted to model role for my kids? How they should live when they're older and their parents? Like, I don't want my child to see, like, martyrdom as the example of parenting, I don't want my child to think that their partner should give up everything and Be expected to do all the things for everybody. Like, that's not the kind of role models we wanna be for our kids. That their spouses saw how they came back from this retreat and were like, you gotta go next year. We'll figure it out. You go. Sign up. It's Not even a question because they see that ripple out effect. And for them to come back and say, like, I used what I learned and helped several friends so that they could also start to take care of themselves because of what I learned here? One of the things that I think I don't tell you enough is, like, I make this podcast and I send it out into the world, And I don't know who listens to it. I don't know how it affects people unless someone tells me.
pATRICIA SUNG:07:51
So I can look at an episode and say, oh, look. Two thousand, 4000, 10000 people listen to this episode? Like, I don't know what happens from there. I don't know what seeds I planted. I don't know what harvest comes out of it. I don't know how it affects people. Like, I'm just putting things out there into the ether, and sometimes it feels like they just go into the black hole. It's in the void. Bye.
pATRICIA SUNG:09:08
And I don't know how it affects people because unless someone tells me, I don't know how it affects you. So while I continue to sit here and talk in my closet for 200 something episodes, I don't know where this goes? I don't know what happens. And to hear you all tell me what it means to you, that you listen to this with your kids so that they can know their ADHD strengths and how to work with their brains? Like, I didn't know that. I didn't know people listen to this with their kids. I had no idea. But I see how much you do for your family when you show me and when we talk about it and when we're in it? And I am just floored by how hard you are working to juggle all the things and check all the boxes and do all the things that need to get done? And while you won't blink an eye to do those things for your kids? And you might roll an eye or 2 to do them for your partner. But when you're not doing them for yourself, I want you to know that you're worthy of that, that you too are a member of your family, and that you deserve space and you deserve to be cared for. And that when you take care of yourself, that ripples out so the other people around you, they see the difference.
pATRICIA SUNG:10:51
They wanna know How is it that you are different? How is it that you can manage to juggle the things and not crumble under the pressure because you're working your butt off to do all these things for everyone? And then when you add in doing things for yourself, it actually makes everything else easier? Maybe not on day 1, but as it builds up, when you're able to do things from a place of overflow and not burnout, Like, you get more done. You get done done faster. You can be more efficient. You can create a problem solve your way through to making things make more sense and make it easier for you because you're in a space of capacity to be able to do those things? So I want you to know that all this time and effort that you're putting in to take care of yourself, listening to this podcast, reading all the books, you know, making time for the things that are important to you so that you have energy, and space to do what you need to do? Like, that all matters. It compounds. And while the graph is not linear, It's like this steep up curve where, like, at the beginning, it feels like you're not making any progress, but then as it starts to, like, compound on top of each other, You get this steep curve upward, and all of a sudden you see how it's coming together and that it's worth it. Have you grabbed any of the free resources on my website? Well, good news is I've put them all in one place so that you can grab whatever you need without any extra steps? Introducing the ADHD mama toolkit. Inside the toolkit, I have a ton of resources on everything from How to get your peaceful morning started on the right foot to how can you treat your ADHD beyond what we know, medicine.
pATRICIA SUNG:11:22
There's so many more ideas. How can you calm down when you're about to lose your cool? How can you stick with your goals, plan them with the head? There are So many great resources, and now they're all in one place. You can choose what you want and leave the rest. Head over to patriciasung.com/toolkit. That's All one word, t o o l k i t. Now grant you access to the toolkit at no charge right now. That's patriciasung.com/toolkit. And be sure to let me know which tool in the toolkit you found most helpful.
pATRICIA SUNG:12:05
Maybe I'll make another one. We'll see. Head over there and grab your free resources right now because you deserve to have the support you need from someone who got set. The most common feedback I got from the moms back I got from the moms after this weekend was, can you make it longer? Can we stay here more days? Can you have a 5 day retreat, Patricia? And while, yes, I have so many ideas as we grow and we get rolling here. Right now, I want you to know that it's okay for you to come and step away from your family for a day or 2, maybe 3 including travel time? Like, it is okay. They will be alright. Is it hard? Yes, ma'am. And is it totally worth it? Yes, it is.
pATRICIA SUNG:13:50
Because when you give yourself that space to take care of you, you start to remember who you are again, and then you can show up the way that you wanna show up because you feel more like you. So while I leave this weekend knowing that my work here is far from done, there's so many ways that I wanna be able to support you in how you support your kids to health issues, to chronic health and hormones, like, how it all relates together into how we live well? I'm also walking away from this weekend? Really proud of myself and of you for doing so much and trying so hard even when it feels like it's not getting anywhere, that you are in fact making a difference? You are in fact changing The trajectory of your family, and that while our generation is doing the hard work of breaking these cycles and doing things in a different way and teaching our kids that ADHD is not a deficit? Is it hard a lot of days? Yeah. It is. And it comes with a lot of beauty in who you are and how you function. Changing that narrative for our kids like that, that's good stuff right there. So know that what you're doing matters, mama. And then it's okay to step away and take care of yourself too, that you can reach out to the people in your life and Ask for help and support so that you can do these things and you can show back up in your life the way that you want to show up. I’m sending you a big hug for whatever is going on in your life, whatever you're carrying, your baggage, and your burdens, Know that this community is here for you, here to support you, here to lift you up when things are hard, here to say, like, I get it.
pATRICIA SUNG:14:36
No. You're not weird for thinking that. No. You're not strange for feeling that way. Like, we get it. And then this is just the beginning of you changing your life for the better so that you can show up in the way that you wanna show up? It is possible to live a really great life with ADHD, and that you can be successful in what you've set your heart and your mind out to do because you keep persisting, you keep trying, and you're doing the hard work to make your life easier on yourself and get the supports in place that you and your kids need because you exemplify how much you love them? Even on the hard days when things don't go well? You are doing the best with what you've got, and that is what matters. I adore you so much. I love you.
pATRICIA SUNG:14:48
I'm so glad that you are here, and I will talk to you soon, successful mama. For more resources, classes, and community, head over to my website, Motherhood in ADHD.