Too Many Ideas? 3 steps to Step into a Visionary Role as an ADHD Mama: Recognizing your value and ADHD strengths with Angel McElhaney #133
Do you judge yourself, mama? Do you ever wonder why YOU’RE the mom who can’t seem to keep it all together? Why you hop from idea to idea, project to project, and can’t seem to stay organized enough to get anything DONE?
This week’s episode is permission to knock it THE HECK off.
We’re talking to multi-passionate entrepreneur, professional idea hopper, and mom of 4, Angel McElhaney. She’s an ADHD mom, just like you, who used to think there was something wrong with being the big picture idea person instead of the nitty gritty details lady…
Until she realized there’s magic here.
We’ll hear from Angel how her life and motherhood changed when she embraced one of the superpowers of her ADHDness.
Listen as she explains the difference between being a visionary - the idea person - and an integrator - the doer.
Friend, be prepared to be extraordinarily impressed with yourself and your abilities after this episode.
And bring a pen because we talk about real life hacks that’ll give you some a-ha moments, guaranteed.
Catch up with Angel here:
Website: www.angelmcelhaney.com
Social Media:
@angel.McElhaney
@controlthechaosmamapodcast
@podcastschoolforsquirrels
Click here to join our free facebook community for Moms with ADHD.
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Here >>> JOIN THE MOTHERHOOD IN ADHD COMMUNITY
DID YOU KNOW? There's a place where you can get your calendar and to-do list organized one step at a time, so you enjoy more time with your kids while feeling confident + capable in your day... even when your ADHD hijacks your plan. Register for Daily Planning for ADHD Moms - sign up here --> bit.ly/adhdplan
Angel 0:00
And then this need for an identity outside of motherhood, that it's not enough and that there's something like about me that that means.
Patricia Sung 0:08
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get your mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest or the visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families. Well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. But spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama, you can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD.
Patricia Sung 1:15
Hey there Successful Mama, it's your friend Patricia Sung. We're here with Angel McElhaney. Today, she is the host of the control the chaos mama podcast. She is definitely a multi passionate entrepreneur. As a photographer, she also has a business helping podcasters with their own podcasts. And she's also the mama to four kids ages two to 17. There's a lot of times where we feel like we just have too many ideas. And then we feel lazy or worthless because we didn't actually implement any of them. Part of the issue here is that we don't value our ability to be an idea generating machine. So we're going to talk with Angel today about what are the three steps to stepping into a visionary role as an ADHD mama and truly appreciating the gifts that you have, and the talents that you've been given and using them to make your life even better and feeling more confident and knowing that what you have to offer matters. Let's dive in.
Patricia Sung 2:11
Alright, mamas. Let's welcome Angel McElhaney to the show. How are you doing today?
Angel 2:16
Hey, I'm doing good. Thanks for having me.
Patricia Sung 2:17
Well, I cannot wait to jump in here because we we met through stuff. And she had said you really need to talk to Angel Patricia. And I was like, Yeah, I'll do that. And then I forgot. And you had reached out. I was like, Oh, I was supposed to talk to her. So I cannot wait. Because when you see another like ADHD Mom Brain that you connect with, it's like, oh, so first, just tell me a little bit about your background and what you do to help ADHD brains. And we'll we'll go from there.
Angel 2:48
Yeah, so I am multi passionate, and basically have done a little bit of everything. And through each of those steps of kind of learning more about myself and how I can help and serve. But I did always struggle a lot of times with like owning what I know. And so now what I do is help ADHD entrepreneurs and creative rebels kind of own what they know so that they can make meaning of their heart stuff in the form of podcasting. As you probably know, it kind of does help us to kind of like have these different multi passionate things fit under this umbrella of sorts, and kind of also builds that authority that we really need and in terms of being able to be a messenger or tell our story, but it like catalogs it all together to where we don't feel I feel as squirrely so I really been focusing on that, as well as honestly, I have many other things. I'm also a photographer, and I don't know I make stuff, I all sorts of things. But I am working on really serving people and valuing my ideas with podcasting.
Patricia Sung 3:45
I feel like I had to find an ADHD person who doesn't do 15 projects at once. That's like one of our, you know, red flags is I always joke with people that if you get someone's email and their signature has three or more unrelated job titles on it, they definitely have ADHD.
Angel 4:01
Exactly. Self awareness.
Patricia Sung 4:04
But it's good. I mean, I can't imagine a boring life where you only did one thing, I mean, yes, here.
Angel 4:08
So this I've actually have niched down a bit on each one. But they're still all the things they have to still live there. Because they're part of me. Right, you know, right. Let it be.
Patricia Sung 4:17
Yeah, and I think before you know about your diagnosis, you feel shame about that, that you're, you know, a dabbler or that you're like stretching yourself too thin. But I think you can do several things. Well, when you're committed like that, and they're that important to you. And like you said, they're part of who you are, then that is what keeps them interesting, and we can do something for years on end is when it's something that's like near and dear to our heart, and we really love it and like it is possible it doesn't have to be looked at as a bad thing.
Angel 4:48
Yeah, I think even that quote that people throw around like the jack of all trades, master of none. There's even like the second part of it where it was like is better than one or something like that. Like it don't make me remember it right. but it does really say that like, basically it is better to have many things. And so kind of like people just edited and left that part out because it is valuable because think of all the things you know about that you could are putting together. And so I think that's another thing that gets kind of underrated is our level of learning and excitement. Because if you're excited about something, I don't care if you have someone else who has a piece of paper that's going to give them all the the credibility and like prestige. If someone is really excited to learn something, they're going to learn it way better, they're going to be so much more excited. And so I think just like figuring out what those things are, and following the energy has really helped, and just owning the fact that we're multi passionate.
Patricia Sung 5:46
Okay, before I get down that path. Can you share with us just a little bit about when you found out you were diagnosed? Or if you diagnose yourself, like, how long have you known about your ADHD? And I mean, as short as ADHD brains can do the shortened version of your story, so that the moms can kind of feel that connection of how you learned about who you are?
Angel 6:07
Sure. So I think that at first, I owned the fact that the multi passionate part, and I really didn't have ADHD on my radar, technically, you know what I mean? Because I am high achieving and a stigma is, but there is one out there that if you're ADHD that you're lazy, and that you don't like, and even the question, so I guess I'm diagnosed, I went to the doctor, they gave me 20 questions, one for me, one for my husband, I filled out his by accident. And if that's not a sign, but even then, like my answers are geared from somebody who has been coping with it for 38 years. So even the doctor was like, I mean, it's a little on the inattentive side.
Angel 6:46
So I do think that if you're high functioning, and you are a problem solver, and you are going to try to learn, like I was even mentioning before we got on, like reading all the habit books and prioritizing, working out and you know, like supplements and like just in general trying to like see that there's something there and trying to work towards it. And that might even be with deadlines or projects. Like if I'm going to clean this room that I'm signing in, I'm probably going to have to paint it or do some kind of cool Pinterest thing. So it's owning that and knowing it.
Angel 7:17
This year, I finally follow through with going to the doctor. And I mean, it's really hard because then what do I do not want to go to the doctor, and then you make the appointment? And then I got to remember the appointment and then you go there and you just feel icky. I don't know about you. And I felt like this person thinks that I'm wanting to just get some pills or something like it just did not feel a lot of people feel that way. It felt like just really and I felt like well, I don't know, like even how I act. I'm like, Well, I think I'm just used to masking and now I know these words, and I know how to advocate for myself more. Right. But like there was a point where it was her mask I was like, and she talked really slow that to where I was like really struggling to pay attention.
Angel 7:58
But I'm not showing all that like. I can't you know, like people can't always see that stuff, especially what they see is okay, you're 38 you have four kids, and you are you know what I mean? Like you really have multiple businesses and all that. And they just tried to chalk it up to like, Oh, you're just a mom. And that's not always the case. So I guess now especially like advocate for yourself, for sure, which I'm sure you talk about a lot on your show. But I do think probably my Enneagram eight might have helped with that a little bit. But for sure. But I think that just trying to finally do that that happened all this year. So before that it's been this kind of like, do I have a I mean, everyone around me things I do. Kind of like that validation, I guess to kind of dive more deeply into it.
Patricia Sung 8:42
Where do you see the most struggles in your motherhood when you think about your ADHD?
Angel 8:47
So when it comes to motherhood, I think especially with mine, I'm in a unique situation. So my kids are ranging from two to 17. So every four to five years, I have had the kid so I will have had a kid under five for 19 years by the end of that, and teenagers even longer. So please say a prayer. But um, so I think a lot of it is these different stages, the different meatiness of different groups, you know. And a lot of it also even the shame or mom guilt that the world throws at you.
Angel 9:16
So like, How can I actually do all these things for all these people, if I have someone shaming me for letting my toddler use the iPad, or just all of the things, you know, and so I think that's been kind of a thing, you know, like an issue or struggle, and then this need for an identity outside of motherhood, that it's not enough and that there's something like about me that that means you know what I mean? So like for me, I need to have and that could be just that it's part of me that I am an Enneagram eight so like I do move to that more helpful role when I'm healthy and secure, but it's part of my identity to like create things and things like that and I need that like connection to. I mean, if I waited till they were growing That's like 20 years. Yeah, that means there's no like, Oh, it's just a stage and you'll be fine. No, this stage is like really long. So I guess that that also has been a struggle, kind of the mom guilt out there, which I think a lot of us experience.
Patricia Sung 10:13
True. And then where would you say your ADHD really helps you shine as a mom?
Angel 10:18
So I'm a former teacher, as well. So I think, in the imagination, and the stories in the reading, and like the love of learning, and open ended and realizing that, like, you can be loud and create, like, forget the dishes, like I do think that, you know, forget the dishes or the chores or whatever, and go have fun. And I think that that's probably somewhat to do with my ADHD and dopamine seeking brain. So I think definitely that like the creativity, the random singing and dancing in the kitchen type stuff. So and the costume they can't see, but like, I mean, not just anyone's gonna be Glinda for Halloween.
Patricia Sung 10:55
Oh, had you known before? Do you think you would have done anything differently? Like, at the beginning of your motherhood, had you known about your ADHD?
Angel 11:05
You know, I've never thought of that. Because I do think that each of the things we go through kind of like molded us into who we are, and why we do say and think the way we are or do. But I think that it would have helped me with my interactions with others like to give myself more grace and to give myself more time for things for deadlines or for, for all that. And I think I might would segment out my time a little bit better, and try not to monetize all the things that I like to do, just so that I can be able to do them, you know, with motherhood, so you have the motherhood stuff, and all the stuff you have to do. And so this whole idea of all the things you want to do, that was my strategy for getting to do them. And so I think it would have helped me to know, like, you know, this part of it me needs this, you know, whether that's the creative part, or maybe even with the ADHD part of needing to go to the gym and workout just for mental health, like not for a diet or to lose a pound or something. So I think that would have helped me for sure.
Patricia Sung 12:01
I love that. Okay, going back to where we started at the beginning with talking about a being a visionary, is that this is one of the things that we connected on from the beginning. Is that the more that I'm working with moms, the more that I see that so many of us don't value what we do well, and we place more importance on the things that we don't do well, and most of the time, it seems to be that those things are ADHD related, they're not a character flaw. It's just this is how our brain works. And so when you start talking about this, I was like, yes, let's dive in. I guess, let me just turn it over to you and let you start hanging on that path. And we'll we'll see where the conversation goes.
Angel 12:42
Yeah, I think that that what what you're describing is this difference between being and doing that we are automatically conditioned in, like the society we live in to value the doing the to do list being checked off of, you know, the list, and, and all that, and not necessarily the ideas. And so I actually came across the book, which I don't know if your reader or listeners might have heard of it, but it's called rocket fuel. And it's this whole idea that there are two different types of people in business.
Angel 13:08
There's a visionary and an integrator. And same thing with like, my obsession with all personality test and all these it's like, oh, this figure out who I am and why I'm the way I am. And it was just really insightful, because it kind of makes you validate this idea that you can embrace that you are a visionary, that you have too many ideas that oh, I'm not lazy on these tasks. Those are just the things that an integrator part of me would do. And I am more the ideas person. So I think that difference of really perspective kind of makes it to where it's okay to not be like this doo doo doo, like super productive person all the time, and realizing that there's maybe even a place but maybe certain things like drain your battery more same thing with cycle syncing, which I know you have a couple episodes that just came out, it's kind of this way to gauge expectations, which I think vary.
Patricia Sung 13:58
So can you tell us a little more about like, what's the difference between an integrator and a visionary?
Angel 14:03
Oh, for sure. So a visionary is the one that has the big picture strategy. They're the dreamer, they can see the vision or the path ahead, they get really excited about this cool idea they might have. And mind you, they might have a lot of ideas. They're probably not all good. And they're probably a bit overwhelming. But they're more like this big picture. That's me, obviously. It's kind of like this big picture, vision, a person that they can. They're their strategy, though. And there's all of these pieces that are ideas.
Angel 14:31
And then there is this integrator role, and you need both. So this is like that your right hand man or woman who kind of is guiding you day to day through those, like seemingly sometimes mundane little tasks to utilize my example before about this room. I had mentioned before we got on that, that if I was to clean this room or to organize it perfectly. I would probably do a big project. Okay, that's more big picture, right? I see this big picture of like, what I'm going to do in here are and all this stuff, and then there's the day to day cleaning part that I just cannot, like, oh my god, you know, and I mean, it doesn't mean I cannot it means that I need to probably value it as part of like my routine, right? But those are the two big distinctions. And it's not true that you can only be one necessarily, it's just that one might drain your battery a bit more.
Patricia Sung 15:20
So kind of if you think of it like how introverts and extroverts there's two different groups and people who are introverts are going to recharge better by themselves versus extroverts recharge with others, there's the spectrum there of you can still be an introvert and also like people, yeah, you can you can be an extrovert who also would like to have some alone time sometimes, you know, it's like a sliding scale where we might be farther towards one or the other. That doesn't mean we can't do the other.
Angel 15:48
Yeah, it's very much building self awareness of around all the things that fill you up, or the things that deplete you. And so like my husband took it, and he actually scored pretty high on both lucky duck, right, but it's like, but most people, I would think, like, they have a higher amount on one. And then another one kind of more so depletes them or makes them feel stuck or some sort of barrier there. And they might need someone to help them get through it. So this whole idea of doing business on your own or like doing it all yourself is kind of outdated with this, because it's like, you're meant to kind of lean on each other and like support, you know, and sometimes that could just be like, you have the big ideas. And it's just checking in to kind of carry out division. And so it really is kind of looking at energy.
Patricia Sung 16:34
In the way that you're explaining it is that I think just as a whole moms are expected to be integrators more, we're expected to keep up with all the details and know which is field trip day. And when you have to pack your lunch and all those little things that have to get done as a mom tend to fall in the integrator category, like in their day to day stuff.
Angel 16:57
Oh, yeah, it's day to day issues. It's the glue. It's like organization stuff. It's really a segmenting the day into tiny time blocks. And I don't know about you, but I just love like a big chunk of time. In fact, some of my clients, I've even conditioned them to where they might, for instance, if they're a photographer, they might shoot only on certain days. So then it's like, they know that that's my shoot day. And what it does is it kind of gives this like momentum for energy. So like you've already started this task, the balls rolling down the hill. So now you can keep it going. And honestly, even if I was going to organize or clean out because it or do something like that, like I want a big chunk of time, wouldn't more serve an integrator more is this little bit of time blocks or chunks of time where you switch.
Angel 17:39
And with ADHD, it's really hard sometimes to switch tasks. And so I think that's one reason why I believe that we are a lot of times visionaries. So if you brainstorm if you I mean, it could be research development, like closing deals and like big ideas, optimistic like the outside person, like the big personalities. And so sometimes they don't get the credit always for finishing things. But if you've ever like started something, and then you thought about it so much that you almost like drained your battery of it. And it's probably because that's the point where you probably should have got help or outsource, or something like that. It could be you still doing it, but that person being there. So we would do this big Halloween party.
Angel 18:18
And I didn't really like know, I was ADHD, or about body doubling or any of this stuff. And I would jump around my friend, like, can you just come over and sit here so that I can suck out your energy and get all this stuff. And what it was is it's like, I would probably look at her and be like, Oh, I'm cleaning the garage. Oh, I'm doing this. And it's like, plus, it makes it fun, right? Like, so I've hacked the system that way. I mean, even if you're not Outsourcing Things or anything like that, I think knowing this could help you to be like, Okay, I need to maybe bundle all my integrator tasks while I've got the momentum of it going or have a little grace if I don't. And so I think that can build some self awareness and grace, which is very much needed in motherhood and entrepreneurship.
Patricia Sung 19:01
Yeah, it's funny because you always hear people say like, break down tasks into little pieces. And I'm like having this epiphany here is that we think that that means that I have to break it down into like, doing a little bit each day, which I hate doing. I don't like that. But I think instead of looking at as breaking it into like time segments that are smaller, it's we're looking more at the big picture of breaking it down into steps so that I know what the thing is that I need to do next. But not necessarily that I have to do it for 20 minutes every day. But just that I know that when I sit down to do it, these are the next six things I need to do so that I'm not then spinning my wheels trying to figure that part out.
Angel 19:41
I call that micro tasking and so you break them down. But I think that's just so that you can realize what you're actually getting done that you are getting stuff done. I think that's almost like a confidence thing that like actually you haven't just sat here and quote unquote, how would you say I've gotten nothing done? It's like you actually have you're just not giving yourself credit. Are all these little tiny packs? It's all the little parts of the big jobs. You know? I mean, if you think about even a little laundry, you got to bring that crap down. He got away with some stuff in there. Now the part that I'm messing up lately is turning on the daggone dryer or the dishwasher. I get so close.
Patricia Sung 20:15
Yes. Oh, so many times you come back, you're like, well, what it's no on!
Angel 20:19
No that usually my husband. Like, did you mean to start that like, clearly? So can you just like help girl, especially. Because really, there's a lot of a lot of these little instead of just like do the laundry, right? Like we put that as one instead, if you can break it up into micro tasks. I think that's the big part of that. But also use momentum and realize like, I'm a marathoner. And it's not always the best, like we should probably sleep we should probably eat drink water. And, you know, things like that break up the day a bit more, maybe do some smaller chunks, then not like an eight hour crazy, you know, like product, but I mean, I don't know, a recent hyper focus my website, I'm pretty sure I stayed up way too late for multiple days, because I wanted to get it done. It's like, I'm not letting account until it's complete. Not these little half pages were what if I would have been like, my About Me page is done my, you know, because we don't think that way.
Patricia Sung 21:19
Mama, are you looking for some extra support? Could you use a few more like minded Mama's in your circle? Here is your official invitation to join our Facebook group, the motherhood in ADHD community? Here, you can ask questions, share advice, but most importantly, know that you're not alone. Click on the link in the show notes or search on Facebook for motherhood in ADHD community. So come join our little corner of the internet with other mamas who know how your brain works and won't look at you crazy when you share what's floating around inside there. Instead, they'll say I get it. I've been there. And I know how that is. So come on, what are you waiting for? See in there. Again, that's the motherhood in ADHD community on Facebook.
Patricia Sung 22:04
And what would you say the benefits are being the visionary? Because I think a lot of us that have ADHD, especially like as women, we are the visionary. We are the big picture thinker. But we don't see the value in that, because we just see that we forgot to pack lunch yesterday. Like, where's the value in that? Like, how do we turn around and say, like, Good job me.
Angel 22:22
You know, as a mother, if I if I was thinking about this, like this has been such a good idea. So on the fact that not everyone has your ideas. And so that way they can grow in value, and you can realize just how great they are. And then I think the next thing is, is what if you actually capitalize on the things that are draining you your ideas in this case, and you help other people with those, then you can outsource those integrator tasks that you do not like. And so I mean, with the mom, that could be like, Oh, wouldn't it be amazing if someone came and clean my house? What can I do? Oh, I am good at seeing the big picture of what like a room could look like, let's just say that or something like that. And you come in with some ideas or organizing or whatever the thing is, and you come and help someone with that. In my case, that's podcast strategy. But let's just say like they have something that they could come in and give their ideas, they get paid for it. They could use that money to outsource all those integrator things that are that they're not I now I need that for laundry.
Patricia Sung 23:18
And I think not everybody has cool ideas. Like actually, most people don't have these brilliant, like out of the box solutions. And so like when you were saying about the room, I think of like an interior designer, the person who can see the finished product of the room, like that is a gift that I do not have that is a gift that most people can't see the finished product and like explain it, and like how this is going to be beautiful and wonderful when they're done. But yet, that is something that you can be paid for. And you can hire an assistant to order all the lamps and the pillowcases, but to actually be able to put the vision together is hard.
Angel 24:01
Yeah, we're both former teachers. So let's just say like, there's probably a time where you're like, Oh, this is a better way to do XYZ when it comes to some sort of something like curriculum or something like that. So maybe you don't want to do the day to day anymore. But you could totally, you know, open up some sort of Google Doc and all your pins right there, right, and you teach someone how to do something and sell it online. And there you go.
Angel 24:22
So really, the options are endless, not that you always have to monetize all the ideas, but that way to be able to value them and that's a thing. A lot of our ideas are stuck in our head and we're not sharing them. And they're just on repeat and then it's like so they have nowhere to land. I do have a couple ideas for that. I don't know if you're done an episode yet on this. But cocoon like Weaver is an app that can actually it's audio and you can talk right into it. It will even descript your idea so you can read them and it's a good way for you to like break up like different ideas that you have. I utilize boxer a lot when it comes to different groups of people that way My ideas, it's like, they will almost remind me of ideas or I can start or something like that. So that it's like a rumble strip. Because sometimes when we do get them out, we almost like feel like we did them. Like, we're like, God,
Patricia Sung 25:13
I have burst this idea, tada.
Angel 25:16
And what it is, is we don't have that integrator, pick it up and run with it. So then we go on to the next one, right? Yeah. So this kind of gives them somewhere to land, which could be really helpful, too. And then I've actually been looking recently back at my old notebooks, and there are so many good ideas. In fact, there's some things where it's like, well, if you would have just done that you would have saved yourself XYZ of all this stuff, is like, you know, all of these steps in between, because it's almost this idea of you had it all along, you just were not getting it out, or like guiding it to the next step, you know, and all that does come with confidence, and like that validation from other people. And we do still want that, like, that's just a human natural thing to want that. And so I do think that shows like yours, and mine, hopefully are helping people with that to kind of like, own what they know and step out and, and do the thing. I want to hear your ideas come fellows.
Patricia Sung 26:10
Man, if I could just be paid to be an idea person, man.
Angel 26:13
I mean, if you think about it, if you're giving people ideas on how to work with their timing, you know, you are you are totally you're using your ideas and how you're doing, which I think is really smart. Because I think a coach or strategist, whatever you want to call a mentor, teacher, if you're teaching other people and you're telling them what to do, like in the way of like steps like the how, like, then they're able to use that and take it make it their own. So I do think in a lot of ways, what you're doing is totally helping them do that.
Patricia Sung 26:44
I really hope I'm like, putting it out into the universe. Like I really want to do business coaching at some point, because I love helping people like figure out all the ways that they can make their business work for them. And I feel like I just threw out 43 ideas for you, like you basically have enough stuff to do for the next 14 years. So like,
Angel 27:08
Well, that's on the podcast. Now. I feel like you just put it out there.
Patricia Sung 27:11
I really want to do that I'm like, But Patricia rein it in.
Angel 27:14
Because here's what's happening the time, the steps you are in right now, are those steps that you will be teaching them later. Like literally the steps you are in right now. Like, where was she at? Okay, she's mom, and you help the ADHD mom. And then it's like, now she has the time in the space in the bandwidth around knowing about herself that to actually move on to the next phase, which might be that you know, because I do think that we're meant to create. And so it's kind of asking them like, well, what would you create if you had time? Right? Time, directions and clarity, Dasha clarity?
Patricia Sung 27:49
Oh, I'm like, my wheels are spinning. But okay, let me get back on track. So, if we think about just inner motherhood, specifically, where do you see that visionary gift helping in the actual, like motherhood section of our lives?
Angel 28:08
In the day to day, I mean, that can be like, it could be any time where you are connecting. It could be fun, new ways of meal prepping. I mean, it could be batching even that like how we are batching podcasts that could be batching your meals, how you are having certain days that you don't leave the house. And maybe you just like, you know, I'm getting this done, and you're giving yourself long stretches of time to do it and things like that. Or it could be the opposite. Maybe you're like, all these little things. I'm not going to dash them out throughout the week, you know, like all these little tasks that you have to do, but maybe you're making it like, this is the day I'm planning nothing but a bunch of errands and we'll see what happens, you know.
Angel 28:45
I've trained the two year old think call those adventures because we end up in a lot of stores. And now you have to get on every Christmas do not do, which is fine. But to purchase all the buttons, but it's fine overstimulation, AirPods, guys, but so I would say probably that, I mean, and on the fun side, it could be like these really cool hands on maybe field trip type stuff, you know, and connected with a book. I mean, he literally could go on and on and on. I mean, if it was like the cleaning doing side, it would probably be a project. It would. That's the strategy that I mean, right now in my hallway, I have like the board and batten like total, you know, I got a nail gun for Christmas and like, fix that up. And you better believe that helped me deal with the real problem, which was everyone keeps throwing their coats on this bench. I mean, like, yeah, so now there's little hooks and stuff.
Angel 29:30
So I mean, it's kind of like also dopamine hacks and figuring out like how your brain works and how you can make it fun or something that you would actually want to do. So I don't think you should monetize all your ideas because I do think that that makes it to where they go away. But if there is some way that you can get them out whether it's a podcast or to a friend or something so that they can come out, you know, or write in journal or something. But
Patricia Sung 29:53
I think that we feel bad a lot of times when for example, we have this coat problem in the hallway and all of a sudden it turns into A construction project with power tools and paint. And we feel like we did too much we went overboard on it. But oh yeah, if that's what makes that project fun for you, and that makes your house like the place that you want to be in, and he got the project done, then hey, like, go ahead and grab your nail gun and make it happen. It doesn't have to be like a bad thing. Like, I feel like we're constantly shaming ourselves for leaning into our ADHD. And it doesn't have to be that way. Like, you can use that creativity to like, Hey, I'm gonna homeschool my kids. And that's how I'm going to use the idea machine in my brain. Or I have like this giant cabinet of crap stuff that keeps having to clean out. But like, that's like on a day word. Like, we don't have anything to do. It's raining. It's like, let's get out like, Okay, we're gonna, like, do some crazy arts and crafts project that like is probably totally unrealistic. But it was fun. And we learned something and it was worth it. So it doesn't, it doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Angel 30:59
Yeah, it's getting us away from perfectionism. I think a bit and just knowing about ourselves. So we're not broken, we're not lazy and not just, you know, because I, that rumination of all that negative stuff. It's like, that's not how's that helping you? It's really not so kind of letting that go and real and maybe even asking for help in the way of getting a sitter. So you can do that fun project or like realize like, Okay, if I do this isn't just an hour, this is going to be me like, Oh, I gotta go pick up the kids from the school and the car line. And I got paint all over me. Yeah. I mean, I might have a little bit of the 10 man spray like, don't it was glittery. So it's okay, on my new shoes, because it's like, I had to do it right, then, you know, like, yeah, my husband. Was that not the kids.
Patricia Sung 31:43
Okay, so let's pull it all together. And like, you could give it in just a couple of steps. How would you say an ADHD mom can lean into her visionary self and make it work for her instead of feeling like she has too many ideas or like lazy because you never do any of the ideas that you come up with? Like, what are practical steps to get that done?
Angel 32:04
Yeah, if you're feeling frustrated, because you have too many ideas, or maybe you are not valuing the fact that you are an ideas person or not seeing that part of you, I think step one is see your value. Because realize not everyone has your ideas. And the fact that you have them is a gift that you've been given a talent. And we do take those sometimes for granted, because it's just something that comes natural. And this idea that just because it's easy, doesn't mean that that you can't get paid for it is really big if you are an entrepreneur. Because I think a lot of times we will value the things that are harder for us. Because they're hard. Whenever it that's not the the rubric to be graded on. It's the fact of is this valuable to someone? And can I do it?
Angel 32:45
It doesn't matter if it's easy to you. And it's kind of like follow it like let it be easy. Can you imagine? And then I would say next, the next step is that energy fill up kind of thinking about the batteries. So it's like which activities fill you up in which deplete you. So if it is something that is super draining, then maybe realizing that maybe use that cycle, seeking information to plan those draining tasks, like during ovulation or for like healer, but maybe also, you know, do batching or different things like that to kind of keep that momentum going. And then if not, maybe number three, which would probably be to outsource.
Angel 33:20
So I think definitely, there's so much value in asking for help, maybe stepping out of also those gender roles that are so outdated, and say like, Hey, I'm working on this project, or I'm working with this or you know, I want to do XYZ. So I need your help, or I need you to do this. Or just say can you go return this Amazon stuff I bought, which I did today, I'm so proud. But then they give you a $5 off coupon so then you end up shopping so but there's that if you outsource it, maybe they won't, you actually might save money then. So I would say that like just see your value, mind your energy or manage your energy with like that energy, Phillip type thing. And then number three would probably be to outsource or get help.
Patricia Sung 34:03
Yeah, and I love how that ties into, like what we do in my courses, especially like the time management. One is that we do that whole, like clumping together the tasks that are similar so that you can use that momentum like you're talking about and like being okay with like, this is like a theme day and you just power through and staying in your wheelhouse and not like trying to do 17 things all over the place. Like because we feel like all these things have to get done right now. And what was the other one? There's almost Yeah, that was like, Yes, this is what this is what we do.
Angel 34:33
Well, yeah, there's that um, a lot of times we think of, oh, because I have this stuff to do. I'm not going to take care of myself or I'm not going to fill that cup, you know, but on the mask or whatever, you know, and it is that kind of visual of putting the water in the picture instead and it fell over to the other cups instead of filling everyone's cup right and then you have this picture. Sorry, that's my dog. She says hi. But um, so I think a lot of times it's it's a that, like you actually will have more energy, you also I think, will have those habits. And so then you'll have momentum.
Angel 35:06
There's plenty of times there was stuff I didn't want to do. And so I kept pushing them, like, I'm not gonna go work out. I'm not I'm gonna stay here and I'm just gonna get this thing done. But I don't want to do the thing and I'm rebelling, consuming, and I, and so I don't get it done. Or I'm like, taking so long to get it done that it's like, yes, you totally had enough time to go work out. And then you would have more energy. And then you would have, you know, like, done all these things. I don't know. So I feel like realizing that it actually be more life giving and fueling of you because you will be acting in your strengths as a visionary and doing more of what you want. Because not just more fun.
Patricia Sung 35:45
All right, I think that is a perfect way to wrap up. So let me hit our lightning round questions. So you don't have to explain anything, just fill in the blank. Number one, the best thing that I read or listened to recently is...
Angel 35:57
Everything Is Figureoutable. I know that's been around, but I like just listened to that book. And it was right when I was in the middle of fixing my refrigerator, and I actually fixed it. It was like 50 bucks versus like the, whatever, hundreds of dollars. So that was probably a I mean, because Everything Is Figureoutable.
Patricia Sung 36:17
That's a win. Okay, number two, my most boring about me fact is..
Angel 36:21
Oh, gosh, there's probably a lot. Let's see boring. I mean, I'm the oldest of four. That's kind of boring.
Angel 36:29
Okay, number three, when I'm having a rough day, my go to quote, Song poem, book activity, whatever is...
Angel 36:35
Honestly lately is been scrolling tick tock like I it's super addictive. And but there's like such a variety. You know, like all these creative projects I might want to do someday or motivational things. And so it has been that. I wish it was reading so I wanted to be reading some time soon, but that's what it's been lately.
Patricia Sung 36:55
Okay, that is okay. All right, number four, don't tell anyone I...
Angel 36:59
I eat lemons by themselves sometimes.
Patricia Sung 37:03
Number five, if I had a magic fairy wand for one spell, I would...
Angel 37:07
Totally teleport. I really like to travel. I used to love road trips at one point. But I mean, I've had so many kids under five. So probably teleport, you could travel the world, all sorts of things.
Patricia Sung 37:21
And last one, my best piece of advice for Mama's with ADHD is...
Angel 37:26
I think it is to mind your words. So really recently, even though I have four kids, it's the fact that that last one is the girl. And it's not me really looking at how we talk to ourselves in relation to our body. And just all that, like, you know, it's kind of like, I am a mother whose daughter lost my mom about 10 years ago. And so I found a letter here recently. This is long answer. I'm really sorry. I found a letter here recently where she was 16. And she was writing to a friend and it was so sad to me, the way she talked about herself. Like she was saying she was disgusting. And you know, saying her friend was so lucky to be skinny and stuff.
Angel 38:01
So I think it's all of that like all of that negativity around how we look and watching that and finding that for our own selves, obviously, because that's not healthy either. But for everyone else, and that's why I did this year like I did niche for the photography when it comes to beauty, branding and boudoir, because I think that we are so hard on ourselves. So I would say that like to give yourself grace, especially moms, you've had babies and stuff like that. I feel like I see it like we are so hating ourselves. And it's like your body did an amazing thing. So give yourself some credit and grace and you're still amazing and smokin hot guys. So seriously, but um, so probably that like watch your words like because they are powerful when they come to other people but for yourself too.
Patricia Sung 38:48
Yeah, okay. So if our mamas want to find you, how can they connect with you?
Angel 38:53
So in typical ADHD fashion, I have a lot of places. The place I actually show up the most is probably Facebook, which is my name Angel McElhaney on there. I do have Instagram that is podcast school for squirrels, which will be my course to help other entrepreneurs and moms, creative rebels and ADHD peeps really make meaning of their hearts stuff by getting their stories out there. I do think that you can build a lot of authority and just confidence in showing up with podcasting. Plus, you don't have to like wash your hair, or anything like that. So, but you can find me over there. I also do have a podcast. It's called control the chaos mama podcast, and it is life and launch strategy for ADHD entrepreneurs and creative rebels. And so I do show up there with a lot of free content and stuff to hopefully help moms in all of the stages. I feel like even that post stress growth so a lot of us have a lot of us have a lot of hard stuff and trauma that we've been through just in life. And so I think it's just kind of making meaning of that by knowing who you are and what you want and how to get it.
Patricia Sung 39:56
Well thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate
Angel 40:00
Thanks so much for having me on.
Patricia Sung 40:03
For more resources classes and community head over to my website motherhoodinadhd.com