Time Management Mastery Student Spotlight: Was It Worth It? ADHD Moms Tell All #132
“Less crying. Less meltdowns. And that’s just for me!”
That’s what Jess, Time Management Mastery graduate & ADHD mom of 2 said after her 11 weeks in the Time Management Mastery program.
Instead of listing all the life-changing features you’ll find inside of Time Management Mastery, this week we’re letting you hear it from your peers…
The moms who’ve walked every day in your shoes.
They’ve lived through the chaos, guilt, frustration and loneliness of ADHD motherhood.
But thanks to Time Management Mastery, they’re no longer hanging on by a thread. They’re letting go of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations, and learning how to trust themselves. These mamas understand more of their ADHD brains, empowering them to build the life they want to live.
In this week's episode, you’ll hear from Jess, Mel and Dominique. Moms just like you who’ve been treading water and barely keeping their heads above the surface.
Sick of ending each day feeling frazzled and upset…
They took the leap to ask for help. Now hear how they’ve gone from hot mess express to smooth(ish) operators.
They’ll share their a-ha moments and biggest takeaways as they transformed their lives with Time Management Mastery for ADHD Moms.
You’re not alone, mama.
Take a few moments to listen to this episode and if the ONLY thing you take away is the realization that you belong to this amazing group of women…
It’ll be worth it.
Sign up for Time Management Mastery for ADHD Moms here: bit.ly/adhdframework
STOP SPINNING IN CIRCLES, UNSURE ABOUT WHAT TO DO NEXT.
It's time to feel confident and capable in how you run your day.
After the kids are in bed and you look back at your day, it’s possible to feel both productive & accomplished.
Learn how to keep up with your calendar and organize your to-do list in an ADHD & mom friendly way.
Sign up now for class: Time Management Mastery for ADHD Moms
Jess 0:00
Get what my life is under control and how we are living our life. And I don't need to be that person. But I can be a much more Dare I say an organized and prepared person and mom and wife and that has the ripples on the house and everything because I'm understanding it all.
Patricia Sung 0:16
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home or your family? I get your mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well. At the end of the day, we just want to be good moms, but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama. You can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD.
Patricia Sung 1:25
Hey there Successful Mama, it's your friend Patricia Sung. Today you're meeting three of the students currently enrolled in Time Management Mastery for ADHD moms. Jess, Mel and Dominique are sharing with you their takeaways and aha moments and how their lives have changed over the last few months of working with me through this program. I wish I had better words to explain how proud I am of these three women, of all the students that were in the class this round.
Patricia Sung 1:53
You will hear how much their life is different. And a lot of it is in little ways that we don't even realize are struggling that were beat down and that we're tearing ourselves up. And you don't have to live that way. This is all here for you too. We can't take our ADHD away, but we can learn how to live with it well, and in this 11 week program, you will have the basics set for your daily, weekly and monthly routines. So that you can transform your home and your family life into a more peaceful and calm environment. With less yelling and less stress, you can actually show up for things on time and be able to let go of some of that shame and doubt that is weighing on you, weighing you down. Because you understand yourself.
Patricia Sung 2:46
You will learn to make decisions that you believe in, because you believe in yourself. And you know that this is the right thing for you to do. Because you understand how your brain works. And you've worked through it in a way that makes sense. Today is the last day to sign up for Time Management Mastery for the February round. And I cannot wait to see how much your life has changed by the time the summer rolls around.
Patricia Sung 3:14
Time management mastery for ADHD moms is an 11 week program where you will create a flexible framework for your day so that you can go from whack-a-mole problem solving, to knowing exactly what you want to get done today and how you're going to do it. So be sure to sign up for the class at https://bit.ly/adhdframework. That's all lowercase letters ADHDframework. And now let's meet Jess. In three words, how would you describe your days before you started time management mastery for ADHD moms?
Jess 3:50
Stressed, overwhelmed and exhausting.
Patricia Sung 3:54
So if you were to compare that to where you are now versus where you are, like about three months ago is when we started, how is your life most different?
Jess 4:01
I feel that now you know you're never gonna have perfect, you're never gonna have the perfection that we always think that we can have. I have tools now I understand myself so much better. I understand my brain so much better, why it's doing it. And the big thing is, is I understand how to work well with it instead of trying to force it to be something it's not. And I think that for so long is what was such The problem is that you know, as a mom, especially you're trying to keep up with all the other moms that you think at least how they're I mean, you only ever see the duck on the surface you never see all the moms paddling furiously underneath.
Jess 4:40
So every mom has their own story but with ADHD you always feel like your kids are never on time for school you know like, but clothes are all over the place and you feel like other moms are not like this and the head of the PTA and stuff like that they know what they're doing and you feel like oh, I need to be like them. And your course has really helped me understand how I can just get what my life is under control and how we are living our life. And I don't need to be that person. But I can be a much more dare I say it organized and prepared person and mom and wife, and that has the ripples on the house and everything because I'm understanding and all.
Jess 5:16
The courses that you do, you break them down so well. And I think we were all laughing the first or second week saying, when we first saw that, like a chapter was like three minutes long, six minutes long, we were like, Oh, I could definitely do more than this. But then you realize, like, oh, I have to go pick up my kid from school or something. And it's really good, digestible moments in your day that you could be like, I'm just going to do this right now. Because we do the all or nothing. And you think like, I'm going to do this entire week's modules right now. But you can just do a little and then come back and do a little more something. So the way that you have broken it down, it's like you speak our language, because it's your language, too, you know.
Jess 5:52
So every time you present another chapter, another module, you have a great way of looking at it and explaining it so that it makes sense, because there's so many times out there, right, you hear all the people that are like, just do this for 30 days in a row, and then it's yours forever. And it's your pattern, and like that's never worked. And it wasn't until being in your course and talking with the other women in the modules from you, when we were discussing, like we have persistency, but we don't need to shoot for consistency all the time. And just because you don't have the consistency, it shouldn't knock you off your horse and make you feel like well, I can't do it. Since I didn't do it, then what's the point, which is what comes to your head, you know. But like, the things that you taught have helped me understand the persistency and how that's a big superpower of mine. And then I've seen in other areas of my life that persistency has gotten me so many places, even when I wasn't consistent about things, but the way that you explain it is really, it's really digestible. And all of a sudden, it makes sense in a way that for 40 years now, I've been trying to make it make sense, even to the point where a family member of mine said recently, you know, we were tidying things, I was like, please don't put that away. If I don't see it, I'm gonna go buy eight more the next time I'm at the store, because I don't remember it's there.
Jess 7:04
And they were like, well just write a list. And I was like, Yeah, I'll write five lists this week, I'll forget where each of them are. And then I will just spontaneously show up at my grocery store without a list without my grocery bags. And I'll be lucky if I have my wallet. So that's not a good and it was like well, and you know, they said, Aren't you even going to try to be organized on this level? And previously, that's really where I would have been like, Yes, I'm trying so hard. Yes, I'm trying to do it that way. And in that moment, I was like, that's not how my brain works. And that was a big release of just understanding what works for you really doesn't work for me. And I have to do it a different way. And that's okay. And understanding that I have to do it a different way. I'm learning everything that I have, with a time management course, a weight off my shoulders of trying to paddle the same way and understanding that there is a different way to do it that works for my brain. And that's okay.
Patricia Sung 7:58
So would you say that would be your biggest aha moment? Or was it a different one?
Jess 8:02
I think that there have been a lot of aha moments. That's the most like, honestly, you being able to speak this language and understanding it completely. Because you're in it, you're not just somebody who's studied it. And so then there you go, like, you know it, this is your life to that. And then the community of women that you've built from your courses that are all legitimately like minded women, we're all built the same way. Even though all of our lives look differently. We're different ages of motherhood, and, and all of this kind of stuff, and what we're trying to attain for ourselves, you know, whether it's running our own business, or working from home, or going out into the world, or just little kids at home, or, you know, everybody discovering that no matter what they're doing, we all have these kinds of same moments that feel so specific to us. And because they haven't been like anybody else in our life, right? So you're like, oh, that's just how I think and then discovering that we all I'm getting chills right now, honestly, because it's changed my life, discovering your community that you've built has changed my life.
Jess 9:04
And from day one, it was like a lightning bolt listening to your podcast, just realizing, Oh, I'm not just quirky Jess. I'm not just eccentric, quirky, funny Jess. Like those are all coping skills that I created to deal with my brain working in a world that is a lot of the time not set up for my brain and doesn't expect my brain to react the way that it does. So having those moments of camaraderie and understanding with women who again, we're all very different, life wise, but we're all going through the same thing on a level we have like the like the same sentence comes into our head in reaction to something and you think that's just you, that's just the way that you're thinking. You're the only one who has problems there and discovering that other people do too, and then how we come together and have been really supportive of each other and has been really amazing. Like the things that we've discovered through going through the course.
Patricia Sung 9:58
It's funny because like a lot of tend to think that like negative self talk narrative is like, we think it's just us that's broken. But part of like, I mean, why I love every Wednesday is that when I see how there's a hole, I was calling a room, but a zoom room full of women that have the same thing. It's like, clearly I'm not broken, because there are 10 or 20 other women who are like, Yeah, okay, I do that too. Or I think that too, and it's like, oh, well, there's not it doesn't feel like there's like this one off thing wrong with you. Yeah, absolutely. If it's a struggle, it's like, no, but it's not like not like, oh, well, that thing got chipped and it's messed up like, no, it's like, we're a different breed of humans.
Jess 10:42
Honestly, it's that has been so refreshing and so comforting to realize, after all this time, you know, and especially, like just going through the course, there's a lot of us in this kind of the same boat that are between like 30s, and 40s, where we all have kind of been discovering actual diagnoses now, even though we all struggled with it in school. But, uh, sometimes boys were the only ones who were really being diagnosed because they're the ones hanging from trees. So if your body wasn't being hyperactive, they weren't really taking care of you looking for the cracks that you were falling through, you know.
Jess 11:15
And because we are persistent, and because we're crafty, we've all found these ways to cope and get ourselves through school. And through the activities, we don't want to be a part of, to the point where like, you became an adult and you thought you grew out of it, I was legitimately told I would grow out of it, that I was just kind of borderline with it, and I would grow out of it as an adult. And the truth is, you just find things as an adult that you like. And so you can focus on those things better, right? Because they entertain you. Or it's okay that you have 35 different jobs. By the time you're 25. Because who doesn't need four different jobs, coffee shops and bookstores and you know, sales and all that kind of stuff, you just find stuff that suits you. So it feels like maybe you've had a handle on it. But for me, honestly, and a lot of other women have spoken to this, we were all doing well, you know, we had unorganized eccentric lives, but they were ours. And then children came and just little by little kind of blew it all up, like all of our coping skills and stuff, because they have their own schedules. And they do have legitimate routines that you have to stick to even if you're like, I'm gonna be that loosey goosey parent, like there are still things, you know, and eat and sleep every day, every day. Why? So much so much eating.
Jess 11:55
So and then, of course, recently, the pandemic, it was like the final straw, I think for a lot of people, where it was like, we really had to pay attention to our mental health as well. And it was really starting to crumble for me in my house. And, you know, we're fun, silly people, my family, and it was getting less fun and less silly by the day, because I just couldn't cope anymore.
Patricia Sung 12:54
What effect Have you seen on your family? Now that you've started to implement changes? I know we're still at the beginning of making things different. But what like, how do you see that effect on your family?
Jess 13:04
Honestly, the more and more that we use all the things that I've been learning, the less yelling there is in my house, the more fun and silly is coming back. And of course, because it's genetic, my seven year old son we're going through the process of formally diagnosing him but he legitimately is just a miniature just running around this house. Like I can see that. And the more I implement things with him and speak to him the way I realize it would have been helpful to be spoken to myself or the things that we've learned in class, then literally, it's been really night and day, like there's less crying, there's less meltdowns and that's just from me.
Jess 13:39
So there's more communication and understanding from my husband who is not ADHD. And while he has always enjoyed my spontaneity with things and my ability to just kind of like hey, yeah, let's definitely just get in the car and drive three hours to that natural park you want to go to nobody else National Park. Um, when it comes to I got to take the kids to the doctor, I got to get the kids to school on time. Those are not things that I have been good at and they have broken down. I have to have dinner ready at the end of the night because it's just where we are you know, and it's helped our communication so much better because I've been able to say, hey, I learned this about myself today and it's not just quirky Jess or Wow, Jess is really bad at meal planning. It's so much more than that.
Jess 14:24
And here are things I've learned to help us with that and even the famous ADHD people understand time now or not now, which is that was an aha moment to me through your course with the time management just you having like though, there was like a whole modules on getting ready for school in the morning doesn't take 10 minutes that you think you're gonna block right making breakfast doesn't take feminists then there's also like, there's the prep and then you eat the breakfast and then you put that stuff away and then clean up and then and just really breaking that kind of stuff down and understanding really what my day involves has helped so much and implementing timers in certain places to do with that amount of time, instead of what I think it's gonna take has changed the way that our house is running.
Jess 15:10
And like I said, nothing's perfect. And we're still at the beginning. And I have so much more to implement from the class that I have implemented for myself, but not like the whole house yet. And I'm really excited because I do feel very positive, and confident that I have actual tools that will help my actual situation, they are like concrete takeaways, you know what I mean? Like that is for my life and nobody else's. And it's, it's helping. It's amazing.
Patricia Sung 15:38
So what would you say to the mama who's on the fence about joining the course.
Jess 15:42
I would say that, honestly, it's changed my life. And it's changing. I'm going to get it like literally the first night that I found you. And I was listening to the podcast, I was reading your podcast while listening to another podcast while avoiding doing the dishes. And my children were in the other watching TV waiting for dinner. And so like, all the things were happening, and just reading a transcript from yours, I just started crying, and was like, Oh, my God, this is my life. This is my life. And you were like, I hope this podcast really helps a mama out there understand that she's not alone. And that it's not just her, this is for somebody right now. And I was like, Oh my God, for me. And I called my husband crying. And I sign up for the course, like that night. I was like, this is it.
Jess 16:31
And I had never had anybody explain it to me like that I had never recognized anybody else in the same boat in the same way. And been honestly that I feel seen. It was like a big thing for us. Because my husband knows everybody jokes that you know, I get excited about something for two weeks, my two week pipe dreams, and then I fall off, you know, and then you don't care anymore. The last one right before your course was macaroni, I feel like that was the last craft I had left to do in the pandemic, there was nothing else I hadn't tried. So I bought a bunch of macaroni and made one macaroni project.
Jess 17:04
But this, you know, for people who are worried like Oh, I do lose interest, or this, that or the other, the Wednesday check in like the group because you have the morning group for the actual class. And then there's like a check in with anybody who's ever been in your course, forever and ever. And that that is also this wonderful kind of security blanket to know that the other moms are there, and that we're there for each other. And people really show up. And it's not like people always have things to share or talk about, but we're always there for the other person. And sometimes the person who was giving all the advice last week is the one in tears this week being like, I just hit a wall and I'm not sure and everybody's there, you know.
Jess 17:40
So I would tell that Mama who is thinking about it, and not sure that it is absolutely worth everything, and it's life changing, honestly, to understand that you're not alone and to understand that your brain really does work differently, and you're not making it up. You're not lazy. You're not just bad at meal planning. You're not you know, like, you are a good person and you're good mama because you're here trying to figure out how to make your life better. You know, always creatively looking for something new. That's why we all have 45 planners in one year because you're always trying to find what works right and this is the first thing in my entire life that is been applicable and been something that I keep going back to and that I still find refreshing and energizing ,challenging in a fun way supportive. It's amazing. It's absolutely worth it. It's life changing. Don't make me cry.
Jess 18:37
One day at the academy awards I'll thank you or the Nobel Peace Prize you know, it's still up in the air which what I'm going for who knows? Either way.
Patricia Sung 18:46
Alright, mamas. Now, let's meet now, in three words, how would you describe how your days were before you join time management mastery for each?
Mel 18:55
I would have to say late for everything. And exactly three words. I have two others. If you don't like that one. That one is chaotic. And I have spinning my wheels.
Patricia Sung 19:08
I mean, those are all pretty good. And then how would you see your life is most different now compared to like, spent about three months since we started. So you know, we're still in the thick of it of implementing everything. But how would you see your life is most different now compared to three months ago.
Mel 19:22
I can actually show up on time for appointments and events. It's rare if I'm actually five minutes late, where that was the norm before. I'm experiencing fewer stuck moments, the moments where you're just spinning your wheels and you're dealing with decision paralysis that you have a million things to do, and not having a clue where to start, or how to prioritize. You know what really needs to get done. There's probably not actually a million things there might be five to 10 that are fairly urgent. And because of these changes, I have less wasted time, which is wonderful. And I spend less time feeling frazzled and upset with myself for running late.
Patricia Sung 20:16
Yeah, I think that's one thing we don't talk enough about is how much like we beat ourselves up when we don't meet our own expectations.
Mel 20:25
Oh, yes, I can spend a lot of time doing.
Patricia Sung 20:30
I'm an expert, just FYI. What would you say would be your biggest aha moment, from the course?
Mel 20:39
Biggest aha moment is realizing that having ADHD isn't all bad. And working with the mamas, in the time management course, I was able to see that we all have challenges due to our ADHD. But also, I think a lot of our strengths come from the way our brains are wired as well. And so it's really important to learn how to work with your ADHD according to what your strengths are, because it's probably helped you develop certain strengths, resiliency, persistence, empathy, creativity, sense of childlike wonder.
Patricia Sung 21:25
Which we need more of in our lives.
Mel 21:27
Yes. So I realized it's really important to be compassionate, and curious about yourself and your ADHD and figure out what makes you unique, and also build your routines around what you value most, what is most important to you, you know, your schedule, your routine does not need to look like anybody else's, because it's going to have what's most important to you, that's what you need to be spending your time with. I mean, everybody's got to have chores that nobody likes to do. So let's get through those efficiently, and then get to spending time with the stuff that's important. And that feeds us, you know.
Patricia Sung 22:18
And that can propel us through all the grind.
Mel 22:23
The grind. Yes, yes. And also, I know that, as mom, of course, moms would say, oh, what's the most important thing to your family? Right, it's got to be our top on the list. But a lot of times as moms, we don't realize that we are part of our family, were an essential part. And we need to remember to take care of ourselves, as well. And that's part of taking care of the family.
Patricia Sung 22:53
So have you seen in effect on your family in how you change things in your life?
Mel 22:59
Specifically, would be the evening routines, and the dreaded morning routines, we have worked out a bedtime routine in the evenings now that's much less chaotic, less frustrating, I'm not running around, yelling at the kids got to get to bed, got to get to bed. We start at a certain time now and people know, hey, this is what you got to do. This is the goal we're getting in bed at this time. And you know, at first, I was afraid that I would get so much pushback, like, Oh, we don't want to go to bed yet or, but you know what, I think they actually appreciate having this mapped out. And they feel more relaxed and ready for bed. And it helps with the morning as well. For the mornings. I used to dread getting up in the morning because it was just a mess of frantic mess trying to get my kids ready and to the school bus on time. Now. We've mapped it out, you know, we have a plan. And we follow the plan. And most of the time, they are able now to get to the bus on time. made a huge difference. Because it's so much easier to set like a positive intention for your day. If you're not like just running and rushing, and then having to drop everything and drive your kids into school because they missed the bus again.
Patricia Sung 24:38
Especially like you got two kids on two different bus schedules. So that's even more of a disaster when you get off track. So definitely. Okay, so if there's a mom who's like on the fence, like I don't know, should I do this? What would you tell her?
Mel 24:53
I would tell her that she really should join our motherhood and he ADHD community and take the time management course. There's so much love and support and super practical advice from all the mamas with ADHD. And it's just waiting for you. And it's always available to it's not like you take the course and then see ya. Good luck with that. Yeah, you can come and join, join us and talk through your difficulties. And it's been really amazing to find a community of moms that have ADHD that understand what's difficult in managing your ADHD and your little ones. Yeah. And, and they are so helpful in working with you. There's no judgment. There's no competition. Yeah, there's just there's just support.
Patricia Sung 25:53
Yeah, I think having like everyone's input, like, we all have figured out enough coping mechanisms at this point to get through most of life. And when we put all of our brains together, it's like, anytime someone has a question, like, somebody usually has a suggestion, like, I'm trying to think like, I don't think there's ever been a day where somebody was like, nope, got nothing. Like, somebody has figured out something that worked for them, and can share it. So it's not like me sitting here spouting the whole time, like all the moms chip in is like, okay, I guess looking for that or like, hey, no, I, I don't have a solution. But I'm there with it. Like, it's just such a good
Mel 26:25
Or if they don't have a ready solution, you know, they can definitely commiserate with you like, oh, man, I remember what that was, like, that was such a hard time. You know, if you want to talk about it, you know, we're here to listen, share what what it was like for us, and you don't have to feel alone. You don't have to feel like you're defective. There's so many people that are struggling with the same sort of things. And they are overcoming and like really great moms.
Patricia Sung 27:03
And last but not least, we're gonna meet Dominique, who's also in time management mastery for ADHD moms. So in three words, how would you describe how your days were before you join to image and mastery for ADHD moms?
Dominique 27:17
Well, my three words would probably be whack-a-mole. It just felt like everything was popping up all over the place. And everything was equally as important and urgent.
Patricia Sung 27:30
And you know, pandemic life aside, how would you say your life is most different now compared to where you were a few months ago.
Dominique 27:39
I think the biggest thing for me is at least having an idea of how to structure it so that it's not whack a mole, as things come up, I kind of have a rough idea where in my day or my week or month, I might be able to slot those things into in a way that actually makes sense, in a way to kind of look at it a little bit more objectively and figure out what actually matters right now.
Patricia Sung 28:06
And what would you say was your biggest aha moment during the course.
Dominique 28:10
What resonated with me was probably the idea of separating the task list into buckets, as opposed to just a straight up list, where everything is equally prioritized kind of being able to look at my week or my day in chunks and segments of what might belong together. And for myself, I do work at home, I run my own business. So it's hard to always separate mom life, home life business, especially being my desk is literally in the middle of our kitchen.
Patricia Sung 28:44
Yeah, it's hard to keep things separate, when physically they are not separate. And I think that's one of the hardest parts about working from home for me too, is that your life is fully entrenched in home. And when you love what you do, it's hard to like, say, Hey, I'm not going to do that right now. And I'm going to do home stuff because I'm still at home, which is also where I do work stuff, for sure.
Dominique 29:08
Because often I'd actually rather do my work stuff. I'd much rather hop into Canva and do some graphic design, then do dishes or figure out what's for supper.
Patricia Sung 29:19
Yeah, way more interesting than cleaning or lady. Oh, okay. So how would you say you seen it? Or is if you've seen a difference at all, in how your family life is now that you've started to make changes? It's not like an overnight thing like, oh, I completed the course and voila, my life is totally different now, like it's a process that we're continually working on. Do you see any difference in how your family is an what would you say is different now.
Dominique 29:51
At this point, quite honestly, I can't say there has been a huge difference, but that's mostly because just where we are My freight now coming through the holiday season, the pandemic is wreaking havoc again, here, we're back to virtual learning yada, yada yada, nothing is as per usual at the moment. But even within that chaos, I haven't been sucked into the chaos this time, not because I've implemented what I've learned in the course, but because I know that there is an alternate way. And once things do settle a little bit, I have the tools to be able to put those pieces back together. So it's more my mindset has shifted, as opposed to implementing at this point.
Patricia Sung 30:35
It's got to emphasize that that's okay. Like, a lot of moms right now are still in this like chaos mode of like having kids home that you're not expecting and life just not looking like one like we thought it would. And to like, what it will look like always like, It's hard with ADHD to see where the future is, like, we feel the now very heavily. And it's hard to picture it being different. And so when we're in these hard times, like now my little kids are home with me every day when I was expecting them to be in school, I had a different plan for what this was going to look like, it's hard for us to see that that's going to be different. Yeah, for sure. Like that, that now feels very forever free.
Dominique 31:22
It does. And yet, I think that's one of the big things that have changed for me in going through the process of your program is that it doesn't feel as forever ish, I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even if I'm not able to put that in place. yet. I feel like I might be able to put the pieces back together later on.
Patricia Sung 31:43
Yes. And the good part about the meetups are every week, like they keep going. So you know, when you're in that rough patch, it's not like well, and missed the boat. Now I don't get to do it. And it's just done. It's like, when life starts to get back on track, you can still come back and rejoin and have people with you that understand and still have that like, support there to keep going. So it's like okay to take a little break and be like, hey, January did not look like I thought it was going to look like.
Dominique 32:12
Yeah, and the weekly groups have been been great. It's so great to connect with other women that are experiencing the same things. It's just so great to have that community and not feel alone in struggling. And that's been also huge in reducing like the guilt and shame of not being able to juggle everything right now. When everything all fell apart. When the pandemic started, I very much felt like well, first of all, I felt like I was failing all over the place. But then a few months into the pandemic. That's when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Everything started to make sense. But at that point, then I felt like I was struggling because I had ADHD. Now I'm realizing that pandemic parenting is just making it hard to manage my ADHD. I'm not the problem.
Patricia Sung 33:00
Yeah, this is unlike anything that has ever happened that we ever could have imagined. Like, it's not nothing. This is a big deal. And it's like, I just might only give you like a big hug, like this is really hard. And we're not meant to do this alone. And where you are right now, you're doing a lot of this alone, for sure. And that's not how we're meant to parent. That's not how we're meant to live, like in community like we were created to be people in community, not hermits. And that makes parenting really difficult. So it's not just that you can't pull it off. It's not that it's just our ADHD rearing its head. It's like this is a huge thing. That is stressful and difficult. And like it's not you.
Dominique 33:49
Yeah. Yeah, I definitely feel that now that it isn't me that ADHD adds an extra layer. But I'm still not the problem. The problem is everything else that's going on that's making it difficult for me to work with ADHD.
Patricia Sung 34:06
And I guess I'll give a little background to the moms who are listening Dominic's in Canada in an area where they shut down schools again. So they're doing virtual school again, and there's 100 feet of snow. So it's just like all the things layered on top of each other where you get, like, hey, I can handle two unexpected things, three introspective things. And then when you start hitting this, like seven and eight unexpected things, all of a sudden, like that's not realistic to expect ourselves to be thriving. Like this is the point of like, we just we survive. We make sure everybody ate something today, we figure out what's the bare minimum. That's what we talked about on Wednesday support group is like, what is the pyramid like when you're in these days of like, this is awful and I'm struggling? What's the bare minimum that has to get done?
Dominique 34:52
And I would say that's been a valuable part of working through your programming system as well. Is Even if I haven't implemented everything and got it moving along the way I want to, it's given me the space and the ability to really look at what is the bare minimum? Because I would define that significantly different now than I would have at this point last year. Because yeah, now the bare minimum is, okay, we are out of bed, we're home. We're safe. We've all been fed. And quite honestly, right now, at this moment, both my kids have their face glued to a screen, and I was not okay with that a year ago. I'm okay with that now, because it's okay, we're meeting our bare minimum.
Patricia Sung 35:37
Yeah, I mean, when it's like negative 40 out, it's not like he's like, Hey, go run around. No, it's, there's a different level of expectation, for sure. So that makes me very happy that you are giving yourself that grace.
Dominique 35:50
And it's broken down those barriers of perfectionism for sure. Because my perfectionism before was 10 million things on my to do list. And if I missed one of them, I hadn't actually obtained what I needed to do. Whereas now having kind of the structure and framework in my mind of, alright, this is what actually has to happen today. We need to eat, we need medication, whatever we're going to do what we do, it's given me that mental space to let go of some of that perfectionism. I think I even mentioned to you a few weeks ago, I sent out my Christmas cards, maybe the second week of January this year, and I intentionally bought Christmas cards that did not say Merry Christmas, they said, like, I don't know, tis the season or happy new year or something, because I basically gave myself permission in November to not stress about getting them out on time. And I used to be like, if they're not in the mail, December 1, we have failed if they're not out on time. So just again, coming back to prioritizing, like what actually matters right now. And what's going to send us into a complete spiral. And what really doesn't matter, like getting the Christmas cards in the mail on time.
Patricia Sung 37:00
Yeah, I love that example. Because, you know, maybe if you're not a Christmas person, that's okay. But like, when that's something that's part of your family tradition, and that's like a holiday thing that you want to do. When you give yourself that flexibility. It's like now this is a fun part of the holiday. Now this is like a joyous part of like, I mean, I love getting mail, I have all my Christmas cards hanging on like our French doors in the back of the house. And I'll look at all of them quite often, like when we're sitting in our kitchen table, I can see them all and they're a very, like, happy feeling thing to me. But when they are like that source of stress, another thing you have to do, you're beating yourself up for, it's like it takes all that joy out of it, for sure. So that's a beautiful example of giving yourself grace and being okay with how it turns out. But also the fact that you like from the get go knew this is something I want to do. But it doesn't have to be December 1 to be a success. Yeah, I'm so proud of you.
Dominique 38:00
It was huge because my husband even noted like, nine years ago, when we started, when we got together once we got married that not only did they have the in the mail, December 1, they were like, the most beautiful handmade cards ever and production. The way he puts it production started in October. And like he couldn't believe that we've now moved to a they weren't handmade cards. I was good with a photo and B that we mailed them in January. So he says thank you.
Patricia Sung 38:35
So when I go back to my original question of have you seen that effect on your family?
Dominique 38:41
yeah, there's definitely.
Patricia Sung 38:47
It's not what you originally thought was going to be the picture of success. Yeah, that's his life happened. But to me, the fact that that made your husband really happy and proud of you like that, to me is more important than,
Dominique 39:03
And I would say, You know what, when you put it that way, there's definitely been a shift. There's been lots of conversations between him and I even looking at like, what actually does matter? And what do I think matters? And what does he think matters? To get done? Because what I think should be done daily, there's some of it he saying, heck, no, that's a weekly or a monthly thing. So it's been good to open the door of discussion of what actually is our household expectation, and also just in realizing that, oh, maybe he's not trying to be a pain in the butt when he doesn't do something. He just doesn't think it needs to be done daily, and kind of negotiating some of that as well.
Patricia Sung 39:43
Like that negotiating. There's a lot of negotiating in, in relationships. Okay, so last question for you. What would you say to the mama who's on the fence about joining the course?
Dominique 39:55
I would say if you're feeling overwhelmed, and you're feeling like everything is good. just too much. And there's no balance between anything that's going on in your life. If you need kind of a structure to put the pieces together, the course is well worth the investment. At some point in one of the modules, you use the example of dumping out the puzzle pieces, and then putting the chunks together to rebuild the puzzle. That part has really resonated with me, because that's exactly how I feel. I felt like the box was dumped all over being stricken. But now there are those chunks that we're working to put together. And quite honestly, he also feels like there was maybe some pieces of a random puzzle in there too, that didn't really fit.
Patricia Sung 40:43
So he sorted out some of the garbage.
Dominique 40:46
I think so. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's been really good to at least have that mental framework. And I'm looking forward to once things resettle being able to actually put the pieces into play, I've had a lot of thinking time, I need the doing time now to do.
Patricia Sung 41:03
Well, thank you so much for spending time with me and sharing, I really appreciate it. And it's not easy to share your struggles sometimes. But I want moms to know that you can figure out a way to successfully run your own business from home as a mom, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And that does take us time to figure out what makes sense for us. And you know, pandemic life doesn't always doesn't go ever. I mean, life never goes like this, there's like an extra like, it's not just on the on the puzzle pieces, like your kid just kind of like threw up there like confetti. And now you're trying to pull them all together and find the ones that are under the couch and in between the cushions. So it definitely didn't go as planned, especially where you are with the weather in the shutdowns and all that. But to hear the differences in in your relationship like that, yeah, it means a lot. So thank you.
Dominique 42:01
And you also mentioned in there, like having the business and working from home and all those extra layers. And I know that's not the intention of the program, the framework, but I do plan on using kind of the same framework and layout to restructure how I'm running my business days as well and creating those buckets, putting the pieces together. Because that also just very much feels like Whack a Mole just trying to check the things off my to do list. Whereas I realized now if I could use that exact same framework, I can create those buckets of the tasks that I need to do within my business and figure out what's a daily, weekly, monthly kind of thing. And that way when my husband says hey, head to the coffee shop and go work for a few hours tonight, take a break, I might actually have an idea of what I'm supposed to be doing. When I go out that evening instead of okay, my laptop's open and not sure what I'm gonna do. So I'm going to scroll Facebook for 45 minutes, I'm going to order a coffee, and then maybe I'll finally get to work, you know, half an hour before I'm supposed to leave.
Patricia Sung 43:09
Yeah, which is I mean, that's what our brains do is that when we aren't sure where to start, our brain finds something that it can do, like, you know, that should be doing something. So it picks like what can I do? Oh, I'm happy. I can look at Facebook. You're like, Okay, I'm doing things. I know how to do these things. Yeah, getting going, and lodgings we do need that startup process. But when we go in knowing our plan, it's like I sit down, and I already know that I need to send like these four emails, then our brain will get there faster than if we like we still may end up throwing a coffee. But we move a lot faster when we know what to do. Usually our brain goes to that, like, what else am I doing? Because it doesn't, it doesn't know what to do. So it picks the easy thing, right? Well, we know what to do. Our brain doesn't spend so much time panicking, for sure, yeah. And for those of you who have your own business or working corporate, I would be remiss and not telling you that I did a Pinterest VIP day with Dominique. And it was awesome. It was exactly how my ADHD brain ad laid out. I highly recommend checking her out. You can find her on Instagram at pinning with ADHD.
Dominique 44:19
I do Pinterest management and strategy for coaches service providers and moving quickly to working with quite a few podcast hosts as well which is awesome. I love it. And Pinterest can be a huge traffic driver in your business to increase your website traffic and in time, you're likely going to find Pinterest is driving more traffic than your social media platforms for your podcast. I can't wait to see what happens.
Patricia Sung 44:47
Okay. Lightning round questions. You don't explain anything. Just fill in the blank. The best thing that I've read or listened to recently is?
Jess 44:55
After you I found Glennon Doyle. Yeah. It's it's her newest book. It's the one when it comes to the journal. I don't have the journal and I think it's the untaming right. I think it's that I listened to the audiobook. It was great.
Mel 45:09
The LeVar Burton reads podcast, they're short stories, and they're usually speculative fiction. So a little bit of sci fi a little bit of philosophy, and they're really intriguing and they're short, you know, so it's not like you got to divide it up for several days. I love listening to his voice. And it's, it's really a great way to relax before bed.
Dominique 45:39
Honestly the best thing I've read or listened to is reels and tiktoks. They've given me a ton of jumping off points to go and do a little bit more research.
Patricia Sung 45:49
Most boring about me fact is?
Jess 45:52
I really love BBC television from the 70s and 80s, the stars, all the people who are in their 60s. I love it, I love it. Are You Being Served, all that kind of stuff. It's great.
Mel 46:06
I love jigsaw puzzles.
Dominique 46:10
I really do very, very little I'm at home all day every day and go pretty much nowhere.
Patricia Sung 46:16
When I'm having a rough day my go to quote song poem, book activity, whatever is?
Jess 46:21
Right now it's the end tire music from Tick Tick Boom, which was amazing. And is totally jazz me especially as an artist and then jukebox, The Ghost Fred Astaire the song Fred Astaire by jukebox the ghost. I saw another ADHD guy was like danced around on Instagram. I think you reposted it. And that song is great. If you're down, put that on, get in the shower, do some dance. I mean, some safe dances in the shower. But like dance in the kitchen, in the car, that song is fun.
Mel 46:53
Yoga.
Dominique 46:54
Don't worry about failure, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.
Patricia Sung 46:58
Okay, don't tell anyone I...
Patricia Sung 47:00
Cuddle with my cat way too much during the day.
Mel 47:03
Didn't get my driver's license until the third.
Dominique 47:10
Listen to a lot of extremely explicit and inappropriate rap music when my kids aren't around or have my headphones on.
Dominique 47:19
If I had a magic fairy one for one spell, I would...
Jess 47:22
Just make it so that I don't have to meal plan. I can do breakfasts and lunches, I just don't want to think about dinner ever again.
Mel 47:29
I would just love if everyone could just get along. That's all I want.
Dominique 47:36
Have my house clean all the time.
Patricia Sung 47:39
My best piece of advice for mamas with ADHD is...
Jess 47:43
To be kinder to yourself and understand that it's real. It's not made up and you are trying and you are doing great and find a community find people who support you find Patricia. And come on in the water's fine. But you're doing good. Give yourself a break. Because there's so much to it that we didn't know before. And that the past couple years is coming out more and more. And it really has an effect on your entire life. It's not just about paying attention when people talk or tell you their names, and then you completely forget them. It's so much more. So be nice to yourself. You're good person.
Patricia Sung 48:22
Thank you so much Jess, I really appreciate it.
Jess 48:24
Thank you, Patricia, I'm going to cry. We're going to go sing a song from ticktick boom and cry.
Mel 48:30
Work with your ADHD. It's not a deficit.
Patricia Sung 48:35
It doesn't have to be.
Mel 48:36
It doesn't have to be a deficit. You know, you can do great things and have ADHD. Definitely.
Patricia Sung 48:46
Thank you. I so appreciate you and I'm really proud of you. I hope you're proud of yourself too.
Mel 48:53
Thank you, Patricia. always a joy to talk to you.
Dominique 48:57
Learn about it, find out all that you can about it and start to embrace it instead of fight against it.
Patricia Sung 49:05
Alright mama, this is the last day to sign up for time management mastery for ADHD moms for this round. If you're saving up keep your eye out in the spring we'll have another enrollment then that if you're ready, I hope you jump in now and don't put off changing your life. You deserve to feel good about your day. You deserve to have the headspace to have a snack with your kids and truly be present with them and listen to their day without panicking about what's for dinner or what you didn't get done.
Patricia Sung 49:36
There is a way to set yourself up so that you can live well with ADHD. So head over to https://bit.ly/adhdframework that's https://bit.ly/adhdframework and sign up because today's last day. Otherwise hope back on that waitlist if you listen to this episode later, and I'll be sure to let you know when the next round opens up in the spring.
Patricia Sung 49:55
I'll talk to you soon successful mama. For more resources classes and community head over to my website motherhoodinadhd.com