Create a Simple Morning Routine and Arrive on Time without Nagging for Moms and Children with ADHD #156
It was our worst morning last school year. I screwed up big time, and left school drop off feeling demoralized and ashamed.
This is not how I want mornings to go with my kids.
Do you feel that way in the mornings, too?
When our ADHD causes consequences for our kids, the guilt and shame kick into high gear.
Thankfully, most mornings are not like this for our family. Our mornings are usually smooth and happy, and I have time for a good conversation with my oldest before he leaves for school.
How can you feel refreshed, relaxed, calm, motivated during stressful mornings, too? Today I’m sharing how our ADHD friendly morning routine keeps us on time and motivated to tackle the day.
Here’s my secret to a simple ADHD morning routine and how I use our smart home speaker to keep us on time for school. You can have this level of peace in the mornings, too, mama!
Patricia Sung 00:00
When was the last time that you had a total disaster of a morning? I'm gonna tell you about mine. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get your mama, parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest or the visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families.
Patricia Sung 00:49
Well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama, you can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD. Hey there successful mama. It's your friend Patricia sung right at the end of the school year. In the spring. We had the awful this morning of all of kindergarten, first grade put together. I slept through my alarm so long that thank goodness, my first grader woke me up but like a solid 45 minutes after I should have been up. And of course, my husband is out of town because otherwise he would have been kicking me. It was a mess. We only had like 20 minutes to get out the door, flying around the house, getting him breakfast, throwing unclose channeling all of my therapy from OCD thoughts and being like, what can I skip and still be okay? Like, I don't have to do every single step. What's the bare bones hopefully don't say when I know because I'm hot mess, like get out the door.
Patricia Sung 01:59
But of course, since my husband's out of town I sell to get my four year old, up to school scale him here really contemplated that one heart. And here we are rushing down the street, my four year old can barely keep up because I'm speed walking, as always are my seven year olds getting anxious because he thinks he's going to be late. And then I start to panic because I know how well he does not do when he has these anxious feelings. Like while he looks just like my husband, he is a tiny version of me. He's my mini me. And like knowing how frazzled he feels when he is anxious. I'm like, Oh, I don't want him to feel like that. So what does that do makes me more anxious. And then all of a sudden, like, We're halfway to school, we walk by the way, my four year old stops to get like a rock out of his shoe or something. I don't even know what that is. And I lose it. I'm yelling, I'm like, jam for that we have to keep going, you know. And that's when the guilt hits like, this is my fault. And I am being totally unrealistic in my expectations. And it's just demoralizing. Like that kick in the gut to realize like I created this problem. And here I am yelling at everybody else, even though it is not my kid's fault.
Patricia Sung 03:16
Like is it gets a kick in the GED. And this is what I feared because I have been late my entire life. My nickname was the pokey little puppy. That's a My mom called me. I have sleep issues on and get started on that. I have no sense of time. Transitions are real hard for me. And no matter how much I don't want to feel that this no matter how much I tried to be on time my entire life, I would still feel like it wasn't good enough because I was still late. And I knew I did not want my kids to face the consequences of my problems. Like I understand they're not immune to them. But like, it's not their fault that I overslept that I have ADHD. It's not their fault. And here like by the time we get home like I was just defeated and exhausted. And all that like anxiety and panic is like I've been dreading this moment since before I had kids of the day that my inability to wake up in the morning and get out the door in a timely fashion is going to cause my kids problems and after dealing with all those feelings and having to apologize to my kids for being Medusa mom at the start of the day. I realized that it was just one morning that one morning illustrated the panic the guilt the shame, the frustration, the anger about how ADHD is so hard it is also really hard for the people that we love.
Patricia Sung 04:43
So yes, I had to apologize Yes, I had to repair all that stress like we actually arrived like just in time literally like the bell was ringing as we walk up, but to realize like we made it while full of stress, panic and anxiety we mean it but being so thankful and not in the moment please but let me be clear it was Not at that moment it was much later I don't even know was that same day, at some point, I realized how thankful I was that it was just one morning, I remembered so clearly when this scenario was my every single day, every morning, being late to work, noon night, like it didn't matter what time if I had to be somewhere I wasn't on time, I was always in this panic of trying to get somewhere on time, and I never was. And now it was just one morning and at the entire kindergarten and first grade, one morning, where we were almost late to school, we weren't even late we scraped in at the skin or deep. But we were made it was just one morning. And I realized like this, this is the time like I have to get this information to you. It's got to happen. Like what is my secret, it is a clearly defined but flexible routine.
Patricia Sung 05:57
In the mornings, you can call it a rhythm if it makes you feel better. If routine sounds like too structured, go with rhythm, I have a very clearly defined but flexible rhythm for my mornings, I use Alexa, she keeps me on time keeps everything going. Because she doesn't lose track of time. She has a computer sense of time. And I was like, tell me how you do it. How do you not nag the entire morning? How do you not yell the whole time at everybody? How do you not leave feeling exhausted, like mornings are happy at our house. And I'm not a morning person. So that says a lot like my kids sleep in a good mood most days. And I mean, they're still humans, right? The whole goal was like, how do I make sure that you can do this too. But I want you to have a way to feel functional in the morning, when you probably are not fully awake yet. And you want to feel refreshed and relaxed and calm and motivated in that very stressful time of trying to get all the humans reading out the door. You want to feel powerful now panicked. And the teacher in me is like I can do this. I can teach you this. So I started making like, how do I use Alexa to run my morning? Right? Like how do you use a smart speaker to make your routine in the morning? And then as I'm putting this outline together, it was like five seconds. And when I'm like who? How do you know what to put into the computer into the routine into the smart speaker? If you don't have a routine, if you don't know how to run your mornings, like I have to show you how do you make a morning routine before you enter it in. As I was writing out my outline, I realized like the goal here is that we want to send our kids out into the world with like a go getter attitude, ready to tackle whatever comes at them in their day and not be a part of the tough stuff that they're battling every morning.
Patricia Sung 07:44
Because you're doing your best, you can't expect to just magically know how to motivate toddlers and preschoolers and little kids and big kids and all from day one of motherhood. Like nobody gave you the parenting manual when they gave you the GED sent you home from the hospital, especially like how do you run your mornings when you have the internal clock of a sloth? Or even worse if multiple people in that family? Like no sense of time, it takes a lot of work and support to grasp the skills of time management for both you and the entire family when you have EDG and MCs that's like it feels impossible.
Patricia Sung 08:23
I understand there are people out there that like have this God given ability to know like how long does it take to do stuff in the morning? What order should it go in like we didn't get that but that doesn't mean that we can't figure it out. There is a way to have a really simple stress free morning routine, like quite frankly doesn't even feel like work like it can feel easy. The mornings can feel good. Like I don't want you to leave the house, drop your kids off at daycare or school or whatever and like there you are like slumped over the steering wheel like I can't do this again tomorrow. I don't know how to fix this. Because you don't have to live like that. Your mornings can be stress free, they can be happy, they can be a well oiled machine. It doesn't matter. If you stay at home, you homeschool your working parent, your kids are younger or older like all moms have people to hurt places to be and I have taken this skill of using this smart home speaker over the past two years and like tweaked it and adjusted it and now I've got this perfect for us morning routine that gives us a stress free morning where everybody eats breakfast meal included, gets stressed walks out the door with all their stuff.
Patricia Sung 09:33
Maybe still need one more trip in because I forgot the thing but most of the time like we leave in one swoop minimal yelling minimal nagging. And from that I developed this really simple framework so that you can set up your perfect for you morning routine. And now with the help of the smart speaker whether you have Alexa or Google Home or whatever like now you can easily keep track of the time and you can focus on getting everyone out the door and the computer is keeping The time for you, instead of you nagging all the time about Hurry up, do this, get this we gotta go. This was a labor of love that I cannot wait to see in your hands.
Patricia Sung 10:11
Okay, it's called deter the simple smart home speaker morning routine for ADHD moms. It is the complete ADHD mama guide to build a simple stress free morning routine includes how to input everything into your smart speaker and keep everyone on track. So you don't have to watch the clock. You know, don't worry about losing track of time, or being super paranoid about it. Because that's everything we do and doesn't matter if like you're listening to this at the start of the school year, and you're trying to figure out like how to get this new like back to school transition going. Or you're like dragging through the middle of winter and cannot see the light of summer when you want to have an effortless morning routine that even little ones can follow without you being the grumpy nag or the hallway like this is for you, Mama.
Patricia Sung 10:59
So what do you get? This is a mini course. So it's fast. It's low cost. I want to be like how do we make the biggest impact super fast as quickly as possible? Here's what you get at the end. Just imagine with me, this is what you're gonna have. Okay? Your morning routine will be totally mapped out so that everyone in the family knows what to do next, and actually does it most of the time, you will have plenty of time to move through the morning unstressed you have this objective timekeeper that never forgets to move along to the next step, you have no responsibility on your ADHD brain to keep up with time it is because Alex is doing it for you. You don't have to feel like the bad guy. Every day, you have the creativity to make it your own. And we get fun along the way, like match your personality and your kids personalities. They're supportive videos for me is super short chunks that fit your mom life and your attention span. And you got a step by step guide to get it all done quickly and easily.
Patricia Sung 11:56
So there are 10 videos, most of them are under three minutes. So that means you can watch the whole shebang in length under a half an hour. Each video walks you through step by step of creating your new simple morning routine, you get to routine templates for Alexa, that you can import directly into your Alexa app, so that you don't have to start from scratch, you just modify what I gave you to fit your family. Now keep in mind, if you have a different kind of smart home device instead of an Alexa, you can still use all of these principles in your device that you have. You'll just have to push different buttons when you put it in your app. I gave you morning routine examples to fit ADHD brains now, I'm not talking like 5am yoga and meditation before the kids wake up and then a shower and do nothing. No, ma'am. That's like advanced level. And if that's you, you probably don't need me. But I do give you some various examples of different types of routines of like super low maintenance, like how do I get out of this house and the bare minimum amount of time to like, people who actually like have time for like doing their hair and their makeup, not me.
Patricia Sung 13:02
There's the whole like spectrum of moms who want like low, medium and higher effort getting ready in the mornings there example of for kids who are littler, where mom is doing more of the stuff like elementary school where your kid is doing some of the stuff up to teens where they're doing their stuff on their own, but you're probably still being like the timekeeper Nika Hill, I'm giving you a really simple calculator to add up how much time you actually need to get ready, go. Let me tell you the first time I put that in there and realize what time I had to get up when I was going to do this magical unicorn morning routine. And it said I had to get up at 530. I was like, no, but there was a reality check. I needed to say, hey, Patricia, all the things that you want to do in the morning are not possible, you need to move some of those things out and do them elsewhere in the day, this is not the appropriate time for them. Because I'm not getting up at 530. I mean, actually, now I end up getting like 545 but still fillable PDF workbook, it has all the steps laid out on there, so that you can keep all your notes in one place. You can fill it out electronically, or you can print it on paper. And it's super cute, thanks to my VA she's super creative Haley.
Patricia Sung 14:07
Then there are tips and tricks to bust through the obstacles that are going to you know, always add on five more minutes that you didn't plan for. And you have forever access to this. So when you hit a season in life that's like, oh, I need a new morning routine, like my kids changing or growing. We have a new schedule, whatever it is, you can go in there, adjust and you have a great morning routine for the next season or the next chapter that you're in. When you learn these skills. You have them forever. You're not just learning them for right now. You're learning them for the long haul. Then you're teaching them to your kids so that they can be responsible humans one day and have their own morning routine for when they get to be like a grown up in college or working one day and having to take care of themselves. They know how to function in the morning and get themselves ready.
Patricia Sung 14:53
This is so valuable not only for the impact that it has on our family, but like for you like I want you to feel refreshed should relax and calm and motivated during this really stressful time for us as moms mornings are hard, and I want to make them easier for you, I am so excited to get this in your hands and it is available today. Grab this mini course. To do that you go to Patricia sung.com forward slash morning dash routine. You could even knock it out today, if you are feeling super, like hyper focused on it. Or you can take time over the next couple of weeks to come up with the right plan that makes sense for you and your family in full transparency right now, like I don't know what happens in the future when you listen to this episode like six months. But today it's under $100, you can come up with a simple morning routine that makes sense for your family and actually look forward to mornings with your family mama for under 100 bucks, like your sanity and the relationship with your kids is worth like 100,000 times more than that, please go get this and figure out how to build the morning routine that makes sense for you. I want you to be able to have time in your morning for the good stuff. Like actually sitting down and having breakfast with your kid connecting with them. Having time to like be people together and not just running around doing all the things.
Patricia Sung 16:16
It is possible. I do it. And I never thought that I would be able to say that ever. I never thought that if you ask me how the first 30 something years of my life, I never would have thought that this is possible. But it is because when you understand this skills, and they are built for your brain, you can do it. You can be successful with ADHD. When you tailor your life to you Lee's go get this course. Please set your family up for success in the mornings because that sets the tone for the whole day. Okay, stop by so you know, I the website one more time. It's Patricia sung.com forward slash morning dash routine. Go grab it, and then tell me how your mornings changed. I want to know I want to hear how your family life is different when your mornings are not a frazzled dazzled mess. So Big hugs. I'll talk to you soon successful. For more resources, classes and community head over to my website motherhood in adhd.com