Lost at Sea with ADHD: Stop Floundering through Life while Drowning #177
When you live on the water, you need different things: Sturdier, waterproof supplies. Hurricane-proof windows. Lots of rope to tie down your things.
Life at sea is rough on the merchandise.
Are you prepared for the storms?
Are you ready for the incoming tide?
Or are you drowning while everyone around you asks why don’t you just write yourself a to-do list?
It’s time to take lessons from a sea-worn sailor.
Hop into my boat and let’s go for a ride!
Join me and other sailor moms for our monthly meetups: https://www.patriciasung.com/meetup
With a community of ADHD moms to lift you up when you’re struggling, you’re ready to take a baby step forward.
It is possible to plan your week and achieve it, even with ADHD.
Sign up at patriciasung.com/meetup
Patricia Sung 00:00
I have recently spent $40,000 on for patio doors. Why? Because they're hurricane rated. I'll explain. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy. You can figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get your mama, parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess mama, you can rewrite your story from a shame spiral success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD. Before we jump into this week's episode, let's read a review of the week. This comes from clean counter titled feeling seen and empowered with tools to deal with a new diagnosis. Thank you, Patricia for making me feel not so alone. I feel more normal for the first time in my life. I value your honest perspective shared with a healthy dose of credibility and well researched stats. Here's two breaking cycles. Well cheers clean counter, we are breaking cycles, you are doing hard work Bama in breaking generational cycles is not easy. So give yourself a pat on the back. A big giant hug. Do something good for yourself today because you are doing hard work. And it matters.
Patricia Sung 01:56
Hey, they're successful mama, it's your friend Patricia Sung. These doors are not needed. If you live in suburbia, you can get a perfectly good patio door for $1,000 less, maybe slightly more. But the doors that we just bought, were between eight and $12,000 each because we have a rental home that is on the water. It's at the beach, and the environments different there. These doors can withstand hurricanes, high winds, the saltwater everything that comes with life on the water. having ADHD is like living on the water. All the people who aren't neurodivergent they live on dry land. They live in the safety of the prairie. Now when you live on the water, you need different things do some of the same things work as what would work on regular like pray really unsure. But generally speaking, your supplies need to be sturdier. They're withstanding hurricanes, people on the periphery donors and hurricanes. Sure they have storms. I'm not negating that. But it's different. When you live on the water. Things have to be waterproof. Yes, everybody deals with rain. But on the beach, you have shifting tides and saltwater, which is far more harsh than regular water. On the beach, it's easy to lose stuff in the sand, you have to find a way to deal with the changing landscape because the beach is different with every tide.
Patricia Sung 03:15
When you're on the water. The waves mean that you are constantly moving, the tides are moving you there's rip currents. There is no there's no sameness. There's not a lot of steadiness things are constantly moving constantly changing life on land is simpler. It's easier to deal with because when you're on the water, you might be swimming, but you might be floating or you could be drowning, you could be floundering about, maybe you're on a boat or on the dock or on the beach. Each of those situations requires different supplies and a different way of doing things. When you're on the water. There's a different way to live. traveling by boat is a lot different than traveling by car. You steer differently, you have to tie everything down. Vive et Cie is different. And when you're comparing yourself to neurotypical Nancy, she doesn't have the same struggles you have. You've got to stop comparing yourself to people who don't live on the water.
Patricia Sung 04:11
This is like a full southern moment for this Midwestern girl but I'm gonna say bless their heart they don't understand if you're not from the south. Bless your heart is a super passive aggressive way to be like, Oh, pat that person on the head little thing you just don't get it, do you? Because for people who live on the prairie like don't me wrong, I love Little House in the prairie as a kid, one of my favorite shows in bucks, but it's a different lifestyle. When you're trying to figure out how to live life on the water. You talk to other people who live on the water. You don't learn how to boat from someone who lives in the forest. You can't learn how to fish from someone who's tracking rabbits. It's a different set of skills when you want to learn how to live life with ADHD. As a mom, you Talk to other moms who have ADHD. This is one of the biggest reasons that I started a community because you don't have to suffer by yourself. You can join a community of moms that get it that have been there who aren't going to side IU. When you explain what you're dealing with, you can join successful mama meetups in hang out with moms who who get it. neurotypical Nancy who lives on the prairie is not the best person to ask for advice on how to live your life. Come ask me other ADHD moms. How do they do it? Like neurotypical Nancy is over here, like, oh, just have a chore chart?
Patricia Sung 05:34
Well, you know what my chore chart just got washed out to sea and twit and soggy and I can't read it anymore. Or I can't even find it because it washed out to sea like it's a different type of living. She can't give you advice on what to do with a wet soggy, shorthaired chart that went out to sea, you are the captain of your ADHD boat. If you have a boat, you might still be floating around in the water, barely keeping your head above or maybe you're straight up drowning and it's not good. I have learned how to build my boat. I'm the captain of my boat. I know how to ride the waves. I know how to steer through the tides. Do I still get wet? Yes, but I know what to do with it. I'm not thrown overboard weekly, it's pretty rare that I get thrown overboard, because I know how to deal with life on the sea. Now, I'm telling you this because I want you to know that that's an option for you too. You don't have to drown. You don't have to struggle along looking around. Like why doesn't everyone else's advice work for me? Why can't I figure this out is because you're learning from the wrong person. Or maybe I should say the wrong people. Because in successful my meetups, it says this isn't the Patricia show. This is a group of moms who come together to share and figure out life together. We spend the first 30 minutes working on our plan for the week. And then we spend the next 30 minutes hanging out. Yes, sometimes I share from my heart.
Patricia Sung 07:00
But most of the time we're all sharing together. I'm struggling here. Do you have any ideas? Or I'm struggling here? I just want to complain for a second. Or, hey, who else here loves to do this weird thing that everyone else tells me I'm worried for liking. But I really like it. And I think other people probably like it too. And I hope someone else here does also where we can practice being ourselves and knowing that the people around us get it when we talk too much or overshare or feel bad that, you know, should I ask a question should I interrupt I don't know what to do. These are safe places to try that out and see because everyone in the room gets it. There's this beautiful acceptance and openness and knowing that when you're struggling with something, not only do these people get it, they have ideas that actually work. So successful on meetups has been closed, because I wanted the initial group to get settled and make sure that I had all of my like technology figured out. And now that it's running while I want to open it up to any mom who wants to be there with us. You're invited, You are cordially invited. This is your official invitation to come join us join this beautiful community of women who are figuring out life. Couple quick reminders. One, it's on Zoom, it's virtual. So you can meet us from anywhere and you can't get behind. There's no homework to do.
Patricia Sung 08:30
This is about spending half the time building your skills, and half the time enjoying yourselves because you want to show up because it's fun. And you get stepped on. And there's like proactive accountability there. No one's coming behind and being like, Well, you didn't do this. That's not it. It's the positive side. Like with ADHD, we do better with positive reinforcement than negative reinforcement. I'm making this as fun as possible and as wonderful and comforting as possible so that you feel welcome. And you want to show up, you want to come practice your planning skills, because it's enjoyable. I built in, like all the ADHD bumpers that I can with email reminders and text reminders. And as we're working, I give verbal cues to help you get back on track when you've gone down a rabbit hole reminders to wrap up so that you can find a good stopping place for your brain and know that you do not need an official diagnosis. I've never asked the community but I would guess it's probably like 5050 of people who officially no and people who are pretty sure like, to me that doesn't matter if you resonate with these tools and strategies and you feel like you live at sea. And you're over here trying to learn how to do it from Little House on the Prairie.
Patricia Sung 09:42
Like that's what matters to me like does this work for you? Okay, come on. And in the second half we hang out sometimes it's in a small group sometimes it's in a bigger group. Once a month I share on a topic for the full group for you know, I aim for five to seven minutes but like in Patricia time that's like 10 minutes and spark an idea of how do we take take care of ourselves? How do we learn about our ADHD? And then everyone in the group can share their ideas. During that time in January, we learned about rest. How do we rest? Not one mom suggested sitting around doing nothing, because we know what it's like to have ADHD? And how can we have true rest? That's for us? How do we energize ourselves right now, next month in March, our theme is listening to yourself and listening to your body, like knowing how do you tune in to what is important to you? And how do you feel what you're feeling and what you need, and learning to trust yourself. Again, that's going to be our topic for March. And we're inviting you in to join up now. So that you can be there for that talk, so that you can be in the room with other moms sharing their ideas and share what works for you.
Patricia Sung 10:52
What if there was a way to put together your plan for the week so that you actually wanted to do the planning, you wanted to show up and figure it out? Because now your day is smoother, easier, calmer, it flows, you're not surprised by that field trip or that dentist's appointment, you know that it's coming? What have you had support to make the plan so you can actually follow through on it and feel good about yourself, this is the place to be to get your ish together, you are invited to successful mama meetups, it's a twist on productivity and community, it's time set aside to make your weekly plan followed by hanging out with other moms with ADHD who get you so you don't need to earn the fun, you're entertaining them in the same event. So you want to show up every week for just a few dollars a week, you'll have your plan set, so that you can accomplish the tasks you need to get done. You know, when you're trying to work on your next business idea, do that fun craft with your kids, it's been sitting on the counter for months, you know the answer to the dreaded what's for dinner, you are present in the conversation with your kids after school or at dinner, because you aren't a ball of stress. You can take care of you when you have a plan. When you have this you feel competent, capable, energetic, hopeful, relieved, like you can breathe. So sign up now at patriciasung.com/meetup. And welcome to the Successful Mama Community. We also have a Facebook group where you can connect with other moms because this isn't just about the time that we're together. This is about building your support system. So join us every week Sign up now at patriciasung.com/meetup.
Patricia Sung 12:33
The other part of this being ADHD friendly is that there is no time commitment to stay. So you sign up you have a week to decide like you can come to a meeting and be like Is this for me? Maybe it's not, I don't know, you can try it out. And if in that first seven days, you're like, Patricia, this is not for me, I will refund your money, no questions asked like not a problem. If this isn't a good match for you. Like you don't need to stay at school, I highly doubt that. But you know, I want you to have that like safety net there to know that like you can try this and it's safe. And if it's not a good fit, you can go but also like you can change your mind any time when you sign up for the month. It's just for that month, there's no contract, you don't have to stay for three months or six months or whatever, like, you come you feel it out. And if you like it, you stay. And if you're like, Oh, I know this isn't for me anymore, then you cancel your membership, you enjoy the month that you're here. And then you go there is no requirement where you have to do this like I want this to be so it usually friendly.
Patricia Sung 13:30
Like I feel like I've covered all my bases. And if you have a question of like, well, what did you think about this? Let me know I'm happy to answer it. Email me and ask send me a direct message on Instagram and Ask go into the Facebook group and ask I'm a pretty open book. I want this tool to serve you and know that I also have a survey in there asking you all like, Hey, how's this going? I'm constantly asking questions in the meeting. What do you think? What do you need? Does this work better? Does that work better? Because this group is for you. If you like say no more Patricia, I'm in head over to patriciasung.com/meetup. It's all one word meetup and join us give it a try. See if it's a good fit for you. I hope that you stay a long time and really lean into this community. femicide a good fit, it's totally cool. Like, I'll be here in a different way with that makes whether it makes sense. Not a different way. Like I'll be here in like another way that might fit you better. Like, I'm always going to tell you here on the podcast, what's going on, and what opportunities I have for you to understand yourself better and understand your ADHD better. But like, I don't ever want you to feel any pressure that you have to do something like if you're ready for my help, I'm here if you're not ready, school, like keep on going on. Like if you're good, you're good, but always tell you what's going on. I'm always looking for like, how else can I help you?
Patricia Sung 14:53
If you have ideas like please tell me I love hearing ideas. I love ideas. I have so many ideas. So, so many ideas. And I love hearing yours. I want to be the person holding out that life preserver for you saying like, here's my hand, let me help you. Let me teach you how to ride the waves instead of getting knocked down every time. Let me teach you how to swim. Instead of barely keeping your head above water. There are plenty of people out there who will tell you how to swim and have never gotten wet in their life. I can teach you that. Because I have gotten real, real Saki and fought tooth and nail to figure out how do I live like this? How do I live? Well, how do I be happy? Knowing that my brain isn't like most of the world? And how do I be true to myself in that process? And I want you to have those same answers. I want you to know how to live life well, with the brain you have and the family you have and the season that you're in, how do we make your life fit you? We're not here to live somebody else's life. And know like, if you need more than just the community and like just it is so good. It's not just a Patricia, just write.
Patricia Sung 16:04
Like, if you need more than that, like me, because let me back up a second link when we start our planning in that 30 minutes. Like I gave you a clear play on the screen of like, get these things look for this put together this. And some moms are like cool. Got it. I'm on it. And other moms are like, hey, I want more than that. I want more help. Like you can bundle daily planning for ADHD moms when you sign up for successful mama meetups at a sweet discount, and learn like how to get your day together, even more than what we're doing in the group. In that course I teach you in ADHD friendly ways how to get your day together? How do you deal with the tide in the saltwater and the winds? How do you keep up with your calendar? How do you figure out your to do list what actually matters, what needs to get done today, I want to be the sturdy doc that you can anchor to until you can do it on your own. I want to teach you how to live on the water well have this community of other moms who also you can lean on each other when you need help and support. And that you can stay for as long as you want or need to have that support there.
Patricia Sung 17:09
Because we also have a Facebook group that's just for the moms and successful mama meetups, the whole point of that group is to connect because that way you can reach out to each other and send someone a message and be like, Hey, I saw you on the call. You mentioned this hobby. I love that. Like can we talk and have this like safe space to make friends with people who get you. And if you're like, hey, not a Facebook fan, cool. You can also do that in our zoom rooms and message moms in the Zoom chat and say, Hey, I saw that you like horses, or two cans are served surfing, or whatever, and reach out and connect with people. So I so so so so hope that you'll come join us for successful mama meetups and be a part of this community for as long as your heart desires. Because these are your people. These are the people that understand what it's like to try so hard and not get ahead. These are the people who get having kids who have high needs and the struggle that comes with that. These are the moms who get how you have 74,000 brilliant ideas and don't know how to pick just one. These are your people. Come join us. patriciasung.com/meetup and join us before March 8 Because that's when we're doing our group talk and sharing about how to listen to your body. So I will see you in the group successful mama. I cannot wait to hang out with you and put a face to your name and build this community of ADHD moms strong beyond belief. I'll talk to you soon successful mama. For more resources, classes and community head over to my website motherhoodinadhd.com