Juggling Big Goals and Parenting with ADHD: Book Update #2 #259
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Ditch the quest for Pinterest perfection and actually get stuff done.
In this episode, I’m getting real about how my book proposal is going amidst juggling the whirlwind of parenting and work projects. The highs and lows of writing are kicking in already. Do I need to write multiple books because there's just too much to say? Slow your roll, Patricia! One step at a time! I still have to balance work and family life, which is no easy feat, especially while ADHD and parenting are being greatly affected in America’s current situation.
I don’t have a lot of answers today, but I have honest stories to share about what makes this goal difficult, yet worthwhile. Come along while I attempt to figure out how to make big dreams and goals a reality while keeping my sanity. I hope it gives you a boost of motivation to tackle a few items on your own chaotic to-do list while prioritizing your mental health.
We can do this!
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Patricia Sung [00:00:00]:
So if you have ideas on what you think would go in that handbook survival guide, whatever I'm gonna call it is, please go over to my website, patriciasung.com/book. Tell me what it is that you want to see in this book. If you wanna be a beta reader, I would love for you to be in here with me. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy? You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get you, mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life, creatively, lovingly, and with all our might.
Patricia Sung [00:00:52]:
When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully and in turn, lead our families well. At the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. But, spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess, mama. You can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story, and I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to Motherhood in ADHD. Hey there, successful mama. It's your friend, Patricia Sung.
Patricia Sung [00:01:29]:
So this episode is going to be an update on the book and what's going on with life, and, I am about 60 to 70% through my proposal. I think I've got most of my thoughts down. Now I'm trying to just edit and take them from, like, bullets to actual coherent sentences. And my current conundrum is well, I guess I got two. One, just trying to the full scope of this project that I'm getting into doing research. I've talked to my friend, Liz Lewis, who's currently wrapping up her book. They're in the final editing stages. And then trying to connect with another friend who I met at the ADHD conference last year, Anita Robertson, who has a book on ADHD and relationships.
Patricia Sung [00:02:14]:
So she also works with a traditional publisher and get her 2Вў on, you know, how she sees projects going and how does that work for her. And, really, it just is like, I'm in the information gathering stage of, like, what does this look like? What am I really getting myself into here? I already I'm already in, but what did what did I get myself into? But I'm limiting that, like, researchy kind of stuff to February, and then I gotta stop listening to random podcasts and, while doing laundry and, you know, focus on the jumping in. This week, I don't have a ton of writing time because I am finishing up my emails and stuff to send out next week because Rooted is enrolling. It enrolls the last week of the month, through Thursday. So gotta get a couple more emails written and make sure that everything's rolling well for the March group. So that's kinda my focus for this week is making sure that everything there is on track. So I really can do more focus on finishing up the proposal the last week February. I have realized that I was putting a lot of rules around how I was working in the book, and I was trying to finish up all these little projects going on and wrap up this and that, and that I could, like, really focus on the book.
Patricia Sung [00:03:31]:
And that did not work. It didn't work because I looked back at January, and it was, like, just a stressful month between our family shifting the way that we do things. And there was, like you know, the January was still, like, Christmas break. Then we had the first week back was a four day week. And then one of my kids got a stomach bug. Then we had another three day weekend, and we had two snow days in Houston, which is crazy. Then there were, like, two half days because of conferences. It was just like all of a sudden I'm like, we got to about, you know, six weeks into the year and I realized, oh, man.
Patricia Sung [00:04:10]:
This is not coming together. I didn't feel like I had my rhythm sorted out, and I don't. Because I am still in that messy middle place where you're still trying to shift everything around, but also realizing, like, just with being the primary parent, I have to always temper my expectations on what I'm able to get done. There is a limit to my capacity, and I always shoot for the stars. And I know there's a saying that's, like, shoot for the stars and you land on the moon. And instead, I'm like, why am I on the dang moon? I was trying to get over there at the stars. So I have to constantly remind myself where my priorities lie and where my values sit, and what does that look like, and focus in on what is the bare minimum that needs to get done, taking care of my family, making sure I have space for my sanity and my prayer time, and the time that, like, I as an introvert need to be quiet and not in full stimulation all the time. What does that look like? How am I taking care of my family? And that part of that is, like, my sanity too of I don't like taking care of things on whims because it makes me feel unsettled and, like, I'm behind all the time, which is a whole, like, topic I'm gonna dive into in the book.
Patricia Sung [00:05:27]:
So it's been a frequent realization of mine and something I just hear a lot of mom say. And just looking at, like, what are the basics that have to get done, limiting my to do list to small chunks because I do have to get everything out on the piece of paper in order to get it out of my brain and not gnawing at the edges of my attention span. But then taking that down to okay. But, like, what needs to happen today? Because if I start looking at all the things that need to get done, I get overwhelmed. So keeping my to do list for the day limited to, like, okay. Here's the three things I'm gonna try to get done. If I have extra time, great. I know that this list is still sitting here of all the other things I'd like to do, but I need to get three things done.
Patricia Sung [00:06:07]:
And instead of let me knock out all the stuff so that I have capacity to write this book, it's how do I get the basic stuff done so that I have an hour to work on the outline? Or, you know, can I take my kids to the library so they can look through books and have something to entertain them do, and I can sit here on my computer and work for an hour? And having that balance of trying to get all my stuff done while the kids are at school, and yet also that's not always realistic. And how do I make sure that my kids don't feel like I'm always on the phone, always on a computer? Because I've made a lot of changes and make sure that I'm not on my phone or working while my kids are around, and yet they still notice if I'm on a call or something. Okay. This is a total tangent. I've noticed that if I'm on my phone for something, my family assumes that I'm working even if I'm not, and I don't know how to combat that. I don't know what the solution is. It's just been a thing that I've noticed. Like, my husband and I had a meeting the other day with someone that we we both needed to attend on Zoom.
Patricia Sung [00:07:18]:
And my kids assumed that I was working even though the the meeting I was doing had nothing to do with work. And so it's just this interesting frame of reference to them. It's like anytime that I'm not paying attention to them, I they assume that I am doing work, and therefore, that work is more important than them. I have not tussled that one out because it's in a recent revelation, and I'm just speaking that out loud. Maybe you have something brilliant to share on that, but that's just a side note of being a working parent I have not yet wrangled with and untangled with in my mind. And how do you have that balance of making sure that the time that you're spending with your kids, that you're, like, present with them, but also recognizing, like, I cannot be present with you 100% of the time. Like, Like, I have other things to do. Dishes still have to get washed.
Patricia Sung [00:07:59]:
Laundry still has to get folded. Friendships still have to be maintained. So, yeah, random aside. So I've shifted my focus from how do I get all this stuff done so that I have capacity to book to what are my bare minimums? What are the basics I need to get done each week so that I then feel okay spending a few hours on the book project knowing that it's just gonna be interspersed with everything? And, you know, obviously, like, I say that now and I'm like, well, the Patricia, you knew that. I don't know why you thought that this other method was gonna work, but I think it's just when you're juggling all the things, it is good to try to put to bed as many things as you can and wrap them up and tie them off with a bow so so that you don't have as many things on your plate. But being a parent means that there's always a lot of things on your plate. There's always many things in motion and they're constantly being juggled. So there is not ever this feeling of completion in parenting.
Patricia Sung [00:08:52]:
There is always more laundry to do. There's always more dishes to be washed. There's always more values to be taught to your kids. There's always another lesson or practice or bedtime happening. It's not a project based business. Children are not projects. They don't have a completion date. They don't have an end date.
Patricia Sung [00:09:07]:
And I don't think that there is a lot of appreciation for just that is general in society. It's like we like to be able to, like, cross things off the list and check the box and, like, say that it's it's done and have something to show for what we did. And children don't function like that. They don't. So I am working on my mindset and the way that I think about things. And I feel like it's improving, but I still don't have it down. But that's kind of, like, my overall mental learning moment of the last six weeks for, like, me personally. And then in terms of the actual proposal, I think I said already, like, I'm probably 70% of the way through.
Patricia Sung [00:09:48]:
I have most of my thoughts down. I'm just trying to make them into coherent sentences. I always knew that if I was gonna write a book, I knew I was gonna need to write multiple ones because there's several different topics that I feel passionately about. And I'm starting to realize that I think what I have in my outline is two different books, and I need to figure out which one I'm writing. I think I have too much here for one book, at least one ADHD friendly book. I don't wanna print encyclopedia. I think it's better to do separate books on separate topics. But now the question is, which book am I writing here? Because I think I actually have two.
Patricia Sung [00:10:19]:
I always knew that I had an another one, which I thought was gonna be the second book around time management and planning and how do you organize yourself as a mom. I always knew that would be a secondary book. But I'm looking at what I have, and I think I actually have two different books. Is there a way to make this one book? Am I just gonna have to cut a lot of things, or do I separate it out and make two? That's my second conundrum is just realizing, like, oh, wow. There's a lot here, which is great because, I mean, nobody wants to stare at a blank screen when they're trying to write a book. But which one of these makes the most sense to do first? That's a a tough one because I I wanna do all things. I wanna do all things, and I want all this information out in the world. I think they need to be two separate bugs.
Patricia Sung [00:11:02]:
It's almost time, mama. We are in the final stages of planning our fall ADHD moms retreat and getaway weekend. You deserve a sign up for the waitlist now at patriciasung.com/retreat-waitlist. Put your name on the list, and we'll let you know as soon as the early bird tickets are ready. Now you know it's going to be a great time, especially since half the moms who came last year have already signed up for this year. So come join us. Spend the weekend building up your toolbox to take care of you and taking a deep breath to relax and enjoy the calm of a weekend away. Patriciasung.com/retreat-waitlist.
Patricia Sung [00:11:59]:
I have a friend who's a book coach. Maybe I need to tap her and say, hey, ma'am. Can I have an hour of your time to help me sort through this? Do I reach out to my editor and talk it through with her? I don't know. I just realized this yesterday, so I've gotta sort through that. So that's my overall update on adjusting my life to be able to have space for a book, realizing that perhaps I have too much content here. Too many words, snow surprise, I guess. I find editing to be the hardest part of writing because I have so much to say, and getting rid of parts of it is like, what? Well, I feel like it's all helpful. It's all important when you have things.
Patricia Sung [00:12:35]:
And even when I'm doing these podcasts, I have to catch myself and be like, okay, Patricia, is this really relevant thing to be talking about here? Sometimes I gotta chat my thoughts and keep them for another day. But there are some things that need to be said. As we wrap up this episode, I can't help but mention that while I do my best in the six years that this podcast has existed to walk that fine line between trying to keep the podcast as accessible as possible to as many people as possible. I have watched very carefully the topics that I do and do not discuss, the way that I share my opinions. And, you know, they always say, like, polite conversation, you should avoid anything with religion or politics as you should with, you know, various family members. And, I've tried really hard to maintain that line because I don't want to push people away from getting good information. And yet the moral fiber of my being is saying, hey, Patricia, you don't get the luxury of staying neutral anymore. Because avoiding politics is a luxury.
Patricia Sung [00:13:38]:
There's a lot of people that don't have that luxury. They have not had it for their entire lives based on the color of their skin, or, where they grew up, what their family background looks like. And now there are people speaking really ugly things about minorities. And when people speak like that, you are speaking about my family. So I can't keep quiet anymore. There are people speaking ugly things about DEI initiatives. Being diverse and being equitable and being inclusive includes things for parenting. Things like paternity leave, things like breastfeeding mothers, having a place at work to pump.
Patricia Sung [00:14:17]:
Inclusivity is about making sure that there's a wheelchair ramp, so that everybody can access the building. Being equitable means giving people who don't have a chance to do well a hand up, so that they have some spark of hope and chance to get a job, that they would get looked over because of the way they look or their language skills. It's not about handouts. It's not about giving people an advantage. These principles are here to give people who are at a disadvantage a closer opportunity so that they are less disadvantaged. It's about closing the gap so that everybody starts in a more similar location, and it is physically impossible to close that gap. We're only making, like, a tiny dent in it, And yet here are people saying that that's not worth it. And as a Christian, I can no longer sit here and say, like, hey, it's cool that we don't take care of the least of these.
Patricia Sung [00:15:25]:
It is our calling to take care of humans, like, for literally anyone. Everyone's responsible for taking care of other people. I know we wanna be like, don't want to. Yeah. Got it. It is hard taking care of other people. Community care costs effort. It costs time.
Patricia Sung [00:15:40]:
It costs resources, and that's what we're called to do. Humans weren't created to live on their own. We were built to live in community. And as Christians, we are called to take care of those people. We are called to take care of the least of these. We are called to take care of the orphans and the widows and the poor and the immigrants and the sojourners and the people who are struggling. That's our calling is to take care of those people. And the hatred and the separation that is being spewed in the world right now is not okay, and it is our job to bring people together.
Patricia Sung [00:16:19]:
So how do we bring people together? That is my challenge to you today is how do we bring people together? I can't stop people from speaking incorrect information. I cannot stop people from saying unfounded things about five zero four plans or medicine for mental health. I cannot prevent other people from saying things that aren't true. But what I can do is continue to spread good information, and I can encourage others to do the same and to band together and be strong and to keep fighting even when this feels really pitiful and sad. That while, sure I'd rather just kind of hold up in my bed with my blanket over my head and pretend like this isn't happening, that luxury no longer exists for me. And if it hasn't hit you so far, I you're lucky and it won't be long. We aren't all going to stay in the safe bubble with this many shifts and how people are being mean to each other. So it is our job to continue to speak truth and to speak light, to continue to call our senators and our house of representative and make sure that they know that we think these things are important.
Patricia Sung [00:17:36]:
Hey. I value the Department of Education and five zero four plans for kids who need them. I value people having mental health medication because, yes, are there some people that shouldn't be medicated? Absolutely. Unfortunately, these problems that we're dealing with are so complex, and there is not a blanket solution to any of them. Because if there was, we would have already had it. People are complicated, and we're trying to find the solutions for millions of people. That's very complex. But taking away the medicine that people need to survive that's helping them be stable as they are, taking that support away from them is dangerous.
Patricia Sung [00:18:10]:
Can we work towards other solutions? Absolutely. But we don't need to harm people in the pursuit of finding the best solution. We need to do our research. We need to understand the science and the data that supports the truth and follow that. And then within that, yes, it is a complicated solution to find the right answer. Like, I wish that school systems were better set up to be able to support kids with learning disabilities, but they're not. Schools are set up to serve the masses. So, yes, we have the government setting up rules so that we can make sure that the kids on the outskirts don't fall behind.
Patricia Sung [00:18:47]:
And that matters. Do I wish we could solve most mental health issues with diet, exercise and fresh air? Sure do. But right now we have not found the key to that solution. So that is not like we can't put all our eggs in that basket when that basket has not proven to actually solve the problem. It improves everything. Yes. Lifestyle, nutrition, movement, those are all wonderful things that we do for ourselves. They don't they don't fix schizophrenia.
Patricia Sung [00:19:12]:
They don't fix ADHD. So while yes, we want those things in place, we can't take away the medicines that people rely on to function in the pursuit of finding another solution. People still have to have their jobs. People still have to pay their bills. So my call to you today is to do your research. Make sure you really understand the nuances of these complex issues so that you can speak about them knowledgeably. Call your representatives. Tell them what you think.
Patricia Sung [00:19:42]:
They work for you whether or not you voted for them. So we are here to keep pushing forward, to keep working hard, to keep doing what we're doing. In the face of all of this uncertainty and hatred that's being spewed, we still fight the good fight. I will still be here doing my podcast and helping as many moms as I can, even though I can't believe some of the nonsense that's going on in the world, but I will not let that dim my light. I'm still gonna hide on the cover sometimes. But in general, I'm gonna keep going because that's how I make the world a better place. And I know that as moms, we don't have a whole bunch of free time, and the idea of making multiple phone calls to multiple senators sounds like a lot of work, and our voice matters. Your voice matters.
Patricia Sung [00:20:27]:
My voice matters. And we are called to take care of the least of these. And if I can do that by making some phone calls, I'm a make it happen somehow, some way. You can call late at night after the kids are in bed and just leave a message. But it is important that we stand up and take care of not just ourselves and not just our families, but all the people that we are involved with every day. So even though things feel so hard right now, we can still make a difference. We will keep persisting. We will keep going.
Patricia Sung [00:20:57]:
Call your politicians. Make your opinion heard, do the research, and kindly have these conversations with the people in your lives that you think are willing to listen. Don't go get in an argument with the people who aren't open to listen, but speak your truth to the people who are willing to listen. Keep doing the little things that matter, because the little things always matter, and you matter too. Talk to you soon, Successful Mama. For more resources, classes, and community, head over to my website, motherhoodinadhd.com.