What's the Point of ADHD Coaching? #237

 
 

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Feel like you've tried every hack & trick on the internet, only to find yourself still tossed around the rough seas of ADHD challenges? 

Well, grab a life jacket, and join me on this podcast journey as I share some salty opinions on ADHD coaching and other solutions available on the internet.

In this episode, we're unraveling the thread of misconceptions, and highlighting the real benefits of finding the right coach for you. Spoiler alert: Even great athletes have coaches in order to reach their goals.

Together, we'll uncover the myths and the snags to reach smooth sailing solutions to help you navigate the turbulent waters of ADHD.

Tailored support, emotional regulation skills, and practical tools for moms with ADHD that actually work is just what you need to move from surviving to enjoying the little moments in your day when you’re present with your family.

Ready for support from an experienced sailor (that’s me!) who will help you get your head above water? Lighthouse Group ADHD Coaching is enrolling now! Get all the details at: patriciasung.com/lighthouse

Patricia Sung [00:00:00]:

Hey there, successful mama. Today, I got a bone to pick. So I'm gonna talk through the way that I think about ADHD coaching, and what it is, and what it's for, and some salty opinions about other people, and try to hold it together without getting too grumpy about things. And then if this is something that you've been looking for, like, I'm gonna explain what goes into Lighthouse and what does that look like at the end of the episode. So if it's something that you've been thinking about, I want you to stick around, listen to what your options are. And even if you don't end up choosing me as your coach eventually one day, which I hope you do, I want you to have the information so that you can make a wise decision when you go and decide who are the people that are gonna help you and what experience do they have and is this the right person for you. So why am I salty today? Let's discuss. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy? You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family.

Patricia Sung [00:01:06]:

I get you, mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life, creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well. At the end of the day, we just wanna be good moms. But, spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess, mama.

Patricia Sung [00:01:45]:

You can rewrite your story, from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to Motherhood in ADHD. Before we jump into this week's episode, let's read our review of the week. It's from Stevie Flow with 5 stars entitled, the podcast is my coping bestie. I've been listening to this podcast for the last 3 years since becoming a mom. A lot of the parenting material out there made me feel like I was a horrible mom, but Patricia's podcast emphasizes the unique gifts that come with ADHD and motherhood.

Patricia Sung [00:02:21]:

It helps me be a better mother by narrowing in on how my brain understands parenting and working with it rather than against it or in a way that the neurotypical folks on Pinterest or Instagram or TikTok tell me I should. On the days where my home is like a wild banshee ranch, everyone gets in the stroller, I pop in an earbud, and have a shortcut on my phone's main page straight to the podcast. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Patricia, for your calm voice, your empathy, and your science based information that empowers me to be the best I can for the littles who need me. 5 stars. Oh my gosh, Stevie. A shortcut? I have a shortcut? That makes me feel so special. I don't even know how to do that, but I'm I am like, aw, thank you so much.

Patricia Sung [00:03:00]:

Yo, mama. Come rate the podcast. 1, maybe this is a day where you need to pick me up. 2, whenever you rate the podcast, it shows that we're doing pretty good over here. It helps me reach more moms. It helps me get more guests and grows this community, which is the most important thing is for us to know that we're not alone. So go read the podcast, and hopefully, I'll read your words next week. The reason I am salty today is because I have been thinking about this, probably ruminating on it, which I've got an episode coming up on that.

Patricia Sung [00:03:36]:

Recently, a friend whose child had been diagnosed with ADHD was asking me for some advice, and this person did not realize what I did fully before they started asking me questions. And one of the things they said is that their friend who's a therapist said, like, don't do ADHD coaching because it's not scientifically proven to help. Mama, you know how I feel about scientifically proven studies all this. What? What? What were you studying? What were you trying to figure out? How many people did you study? Like, I need some information here. Do not tell me that ADHD coaching does not help people because it's not scientifically proven unless you actually have some science proving something I need to know. Because in general, there's not a lot of studies that have focused on ADHD coaching. There's a few. They're small groups.

Patricia Sung [00:04:21]:

And while I wish there was, like, a solid study on ADHD coaching, there probably won't be one for a while. But the problem is there are so many different kinds of ADHD coaching. Like, if you just study one kind and say it's not effective, it's like, well, there's so many other options out there. What kind of coaching were you studying? And then finally, I ask, what were you trying to measure? What was the outcome of success? Because that indicates whether or not it was helping is what were you trying to do. Because, like, if I'm trying to hang a picture and your quote helper is a 3 year old, their version of helping is very different than my version of helping. So what kind of helping are we trying to do here? So let's dive in. Point 1, studies. There's not a lot.

Patricia Sung [00:05:07]:

I'm gonna drop a couple of links into the show notes if you wanna look into it. There was one cool article that had looked at a bunch of different studies about ADHD coaching, so there was a little more information there. But it was, like, all different kinds of studies, and, obviously, you know, if you're comparing, like, a control group to the group that's having the thing happen, it's not only the best study you could do. So, like, this study, I think they looked at, like, 19 different studies on coaching, which are all small groups. Like, we get a better idea, but it's not excellent on getting, like, a full picture. Part 2 of this is, like, what kind of coaching are you looking at? There are so many different types of coaching. There is no regulatory body that is, like, checking coaches. Like, literally, you can just decide your coach and, voila, put it on your name.

Patricia Sung [00:05:53]:

So you can have a really bad coach with no experience. You could have a coach that has nothing to do with what you're looking for. For example, like there are football coaches and baseball coaches and career coaches. Like, if you were hiring a swim coach to help you with your career decisions, yeah, that probably wouldn't help. And then within the realm of ADHD, there's a ton of different types of coaching. You can have career coaching for people with ADHD, business coaching, entrepreneurship, like CEOs with ADHD, teens with ADHD, kids with ADHD. Maybe they focus on young adults and study skills. Maybe they do more somatic work.

Patricia Sung [00:06:27]:

Like, I specifically work with neuroplasticity. I do a lot of my strategies from having worked in education and knowing, like, how to teach people, how to develop curriculum, how to keep people organized and understand prioritization. I have that background, and I use a lot of executive functioning skills in relation to that and a lot of emotional regulation skills. So I use all of these different pieces to bring it together to help, well, hopefully, you. So in the same way, it's like if you're using a strategy based career coach who specializes in ADHD, and you're asking them questions about your middle schooler who needs help, like, keeping their homework organized, yeah, that might not be the most helpful of coaches. In the same way, like, my specialty is moms with ADHD. If you put me with an elderly person, I'm sure I could help them a lot. But, like, there's probably somebody better out there who could help them.

Patricia Sung [00:07:16]:

Like, yes, I would be very helpful, but I'm sure there's somebody else who is specialized in that better than I have. So what kind of coaching are you studying? And, like, does that actually match what that person needs? Because the way that you're gonna help somebody significantly depends on the type of strategies and skills that you're using and what that person's problems are. Like, what are the obstacles they're trying to get over? What are the goals they're trying to achieve? And then the third part of that is, like, for what outcome? When you say it's not helpful, like, helpful doing what? I've seen tons of families find help, you know, tutoring help or, like, homework organizational help. Like but that's a very different thing than if you're trying to look at whether or not this person is advancing in their career. But what I think, like, deep down, what I get real salty about is that a lot of times what they're looking at when they say helping, what they're saying is after you finish ADHD coaching, you haven't been cured yet. So therefore, it didn't help you because you're not, quote, better. You are not solved. You are not fixed.

Patricia Sung [00:08:17]:

You are not cured. And, like, side note, I'm sure you can imagine I get a lot of ads for things with ADHD. Like, there is this one nutrition program that kept popping up. I had to block it because I was so mad about it every time I saw it. It, is there was this lady peddling her nutrition program to parents who are trying to find a solution for their kids saying that her nutrition plan is going to cure their kids' ADHD. I'm like, look, there is a special place in hell for people who prey on upset parents and feed them lies that they're going to cure their child's ADHD by food. Like, I will say, yes, nutrition plays a huge part in the way that you can manage your ADHD. There are a lot of people that have significant improvements when they cut out gluten or sugar or food diet or whatever, you know, there's so many options out there.

Patricia Sung [00:09:01]:

So, yes, your nutrition can be a huge help in managing your symptoms. But to tell people that you are going to cure somebody's ADHD by using foods, that's a lie. Like maybe you did cure something, but it wasn't ADHD and you may have improved a lot of things, but to lie and say that you're curing ADHD with your food plan, not cool. So when I look back and say, okay, this person saying ADHD coaching is not scientifically proven, like if your goal is scientifically proven to cure ADHD, well, yeah, you're gonna be real disappointed when you get to the end, and you expect that ADHD coaching is going to cure your ADHD. Sure. Yes, you will be disappointed because that's not gonna happen. If that is the indicator of success of ADHD coaching is whether or not you still have ADHD at the end, we had a problem. Because I don't look at ADHD as a curable disease.

Patricia Sung [00:09:49]:

I understand that it is categorized as a disorder, and for some people it is. When it is preventing you from holding down a job or maintaining a relationship or you end up in jail because you're too impulsive and you made some poor choices along the way. Like, yes, that is a disorder. And the way that society is set up, there are a lot of ways that ADHD can be a disorder, and I'm a not get on that soapbox right now because I got a lot of opinions on that. But bringing it in, I look at ADHD as yes, it can cause a lot of issues in your life, and it can contribute to making other issues even worse. But I don't look at it as something to be fixed. I look at it as a way that we can manage it, that we can find your strengths, bump or pad your weaknesses, and figure out how do we use the way that you were made in a way that helps you? How do we make you successful based on being the best version of you? How do we take who you are deep down and make sure that we're highlighting that and letting that shine and making you the best version of you without trying to cure you or make you into somebody else. Because if the goal is to make you into somebody else, like honestly, like how dare they? How dare they say that that's the goal.

Patricia Sung [00:11:00]:

That's the measurement of success is for you to be somebody else. No, thank you. So my goal in coaching is not to make you somebody different. It's not to fix you. My goal is to figure out how to help you be successful. Like, I see huge shifts in the moms that I work with and how happy they are and how they're able to get things done and be present with their kids and move towards goals and learn how to speak their mind and not be hurt by perceived or actually said word criticisms. Like, how do we protect you from being hurt, and then grow you in a way that makes you feel really happy that is more true to who you are and bringing the best parts of you out and highlighting those and you feeling confident and calm. Like that's what I want you to feel like when you are in coaching.

Patricia Sung [00:11:45]:

I want to boost your self esteem. I want you to know you're not lazy. It's that you're burnout and overwhelmed, and we can get you out of that cycle so that you can take care of yourself and you can stop beating yourself up for being a crappy human. And instead, you see how you're caring for yourself and tending to yourself and doing the things that your family needs while taking care of yourself and showing up how you wanna show up in life. Like, we can do that. If that is the goal of our coaching, excellent. Let's make it happen. We can do that.

Patricia Sung [00:12:10]:

No question. So for someone to say that ADHD coaching doesn't help, that's because their expectation is to do something unreasonable. Like, yo, look, you no longer have ADHD. Voila. We get your immune system done. Or if what you're judging is you ask somebody who's not experienced, who doesn't understand the nuances of ADHD, or you've got essentially the equivalent of like a swim coach trying to tell you how to play football, and it's not coming together because it's not a good match. It could be a personality issue of like, you are motivated by affirmations. And this person is more like a drill sergeant.

Patricia Sung [00:12:44]:

Look, some people do agree with the drill sergeant method and some people don't. So you need to find the person that makes sense for you. I don't want you to feel like you have to show up and be something you're not. And if that's our measurement, it's like hiring a swim coach and then expecting them to make make you into a frog at the end. And that's how you're going to be an excellent swimmer is because they made you into a frog. That's not the point of hiring a swim coach. The swim coach is there to help you better your skills and be the best swimmer that you can be, not to be a frog or a fish. So when we hire a coach, whether that is a business coach, a career coach, a work coach, an athletic coach, a fitness coach, nutrition coach, whatever coach you're hiring, the goal is to see, is this the right person to help you get to your goal? Can they help you work through the obstacles that you have and help you reach that goal easier, faster, more efficiently because you want that experienced person who understands the nuances.

Patricia Sung [00:13:30]:

Like, I'm always amazed when, like, I'm not a big sports watcher on the TV, but, like, my husband, football season's coming up. Like, he watches a lot of especially UT football. And, like, on the sideline, they got feels like 16 different kinds of coaches over there. They got the offensive coach and the defensive coach and the trainers and the they all kinds of people with different jobs. And when they want the expertise for this person to be able to run faster, there's a coach for that. And if they need to be more flexible, they need to be able to stretch for the ball farther. They got a coach for that. And they're probably not the same people, but each person has a specific skill set that is there to help grow the team.

Patricia Sung [00:14:06]:

Like, if you are somebody who does not want to get hit, we're not putting you in the position of the guy who gets tackled with the ball. We wanna take your skill set and what you like to do and what lights you up and utilize that for the betterment of your life and not try to like convince you to be somebody who wants to get pummeled. I don't wanna get pummeled. No, thank you. I'm not volunteering for that job. I'm going to take my skill set, grow it, make it great and use it for what I'm good at. And I want you to do the same thing. And like, I think one of the hardest parts about this is a lot of times as moms, we put ourselves at the bottom of the list and we're like, oh, yes, I'm struggling but like, I'm gonna deal with that later.

Patricia Sung [00:14:48]:

Let me get all this other stuff in order. Let me get this thing my kidneys or that thing my partner needs done first, and then I'll take care of myself because I can hold it together enough that it's not a disaster. And we think that the coach is only there when, like, the doo doo really hits the fan. No. Don't be wrong. I can help you a lot when the doo doo hits the fan. But I want us to recognize that, like, that's not the only time you use a coach is when the doo doo has hit the fan. You know who else has coaches? The people who are the best of the best.

Patricia Sung [00:15:16]:

I don't know about you, but I have watched a lot of Olympics this summer. I love the Olympics. I am not super athletic. I love the Olympics. It makes me really happy. I love all the stories and, like, the triumphs. I adore it. But you know who has a coach? Every day an Olympian there.

Patricia Sung [00:15:33]:

They all got coaches. I still remember there was one guy in track and field. They were like, and he coaches himself. Like, the one guy in the Olympics who coaches as himself. I mean, who knows? Maybe there are a couple more. But, like, literally, the percentage of Olympians who coach them selves is like smaller than 1%. The people who are excellent at their job know that the littlest tweak can make a huge difference. Like when you are competing on 100th of a second in races, you want the person who's gonna help you shave off that 1 more 1 hundredth or thousandth because you know it matters.

Patricia Sung [00:16:05]:

So I want us to get rid of this mentality that, like, only the people who are, like, at the bottom of the barrel disaster need help. That is not true. Yes. They need help too. But, like, you don't have to be falling apart to ask for help. You can be doing pretty good and know that somebody who is highly experienced can get you from, like, keeping your head above water to swimming and making it feel easy. So let's just clear that up. As a mom, you don't have to be the last person on the list and things don't have to be on fire in order to ask for help.

Patricia Sung [00:16:38]:

You can be pretty good and want to be great and still deserve help. So to like clearly define it, what's the goal of ADHD coaching? In my opinion, it is to help you identify what your goals are, figure out what are the obstacles that are holding you back from getting there, figure out what the solutions and the strategies are, the mind shifts that you need, whatever it is that you need to be able to overcome those obstacles and get where you want to be faster, easier, more expediently, more efficiently. But I'm gonna help you identify what you want and figure out how you're gonna get there in a way that fits you, in a way that is tailored to you, and it makes sense for you. My expertise is in moms with ADHD. So when I think about all the advice in the world that's gonna help you fix something, you think back to, like, making a Venn diagram, maybe as you're a kid, maybe you're helping with homework. It's like the whole piece of paper. Look. I got a big giant circle on there of, like, all the things that I could do to help you with whatever the obstacle is.

Patricia Sung [00:17:34]:

Let's say it's trying to be on time for school. Look. There's 47 ways to be on time for school, probably more than that. But out of all those, how many are gonna fit when you have an ADHD brain? 5, 7? And then filter out all what are all the ways that are gonna help you as a mom? As a mom, this is an actual doable suggestion. You're not saying get up at 3:30 AM for peaceful sunrise yoga because, you know, you got a toddler who's like, you awake? Hello. I'm awake too. It doesn't matter what time you wake up. They're still they still magically know that you're awake and then also wake up.

Patricia Sung [00:18:04]:

I don't know if you have one of those cuts. Like, what's the advice that's actually going to fit for a mom? And then I put those two circles together, and I'm like, what? Out of all this advice, if it's moms and all the advice that fits people with ADHD, what's that little sliver in between that's actually gonna work for both of these categories? What's the effective advice, strategies, recommendations, tools, plans? How are we gonna execute for someone who is a mom and also has ADHD? When you're looking for the right person for you, who's actually gonna be able to help you? When you're looking for an ADHD coach, I want you to look through and, like, do your research. There's a ton of different certification programs out there. People have different life experiences and it comes together, but, like, who's the person that has the experience and the training and the skills that are actually gonna match what you need. Because I'm gonna pull out my education background as a teacher. I'm gonna pull out my experience as a business owner. I'm gonna pull out my neuroplasticity training and utilize all that to help my clients. But if someone comes to me and is like, well, you know, I'm I'm going through a career transition and I'd really like help on, like, building my resume and interview skills.

Patricia Sung [00:19:06]:

I'd be like, look, I can do that. I've written my own resume. I've edited other people's resumes. I've done a lot of job interviews, but, like and, like, when I say that, like, I have interviewed a lot of people for jobs as opposed to I mean, I've done a lot of interviews myself too, but, like, I did some HR stuff at one point along the way. And, like, I was a manager. So, like, I have interviewed a lot of people for jobs. So, like, I could be helpful in that. There's probably somebody who's a lot better at it than I am though.

Patricia Sung [00:19:29]:

So I would say if that's your main goal, let's find you a career coach who's excellent at writing resumes and perfecting your interview skills because I can help you with that, but I'm not the best person. So you wanna find the person that's actually gonna help you do the thing that is your goal, that really matches you. And also you wanna take into consider like personality too. Somebody could be really intelligent and very experienced, and you're like, I think you're really blunt and I don't want to listen to you. And that's okay. Find the more soft spoken person to help you. If you're like, I don't even know where to start, like, I can help you with that too. Most most of my clients, when they send me notes, it's like a 50 50 shot of, like, here's what I need help with or I don't even know where to be getting.

Patricia Sung [00:20:08]:

And that's part of my job as your coach to sift through all that and be like, is there, like, an something that ties all this underlying stuff together? Like, is there one domino that we can knock over that is then going to make all the rest of the stuff easier to do? Because I've been around the block a few times. I've seen a lot of things. I can tell you much more quickly What are our options for starting? Then you would because you got, you know, you're like in there, you're in the weeds. You really got your head above water and you're just like, I don't know what to do. I need help. As somebody outside of the situation, I can look at that objective and be like, okay, well, look, I see that we've got this theme and this theme and this theme. These are all connected. That if we can work on trusting yourself more in your decisions, then all of these other decisions are gonna feel way easier.

Patricia Sung [00:20:50]:

And I can find that thread in the middle that makes sense rather than telling you, we'll just make a pros and cons list that might not actually be helpful to you. Like, your coach should know you well. I mean, obviously, they won't at the start, but, like, know you and understand, like, how you learn. Are you somebody who needs to be able to do it in order to understand? Do you need visual examples? Are you a rebel who's like, don't tell me what to do? Then we gotta be sneaky about everything, but we can do it. Like when you come to me and say, I just can't stick to a schedule. That's a very different problem. If you're saying, like, I just never learned how to use a schedule. So, like, I don't know how to do that.

Patricia Sung [00:21:23]:

I don't have that skill set. Versus you made a schedule, but it was for somebody who has 53 hours in a day, and it's, like, literally not humanly possible for you to ever get all that stuff done in the time amount you set out. Those are 2 different issues. But as your coach, I can tell the difference and where are we gonna start. It reminds me of the the first year my son was playing, baseball. It's all like 45 year olds. And I was helping a lot that year. And there is one game where I'm sitting in the stands, and this kid is up to bat.

Patricia Sung [00:21:51]:

And I'm like, that kid's a lefty, and he's batting right. And, like, I'm waiting for somebody to say something, and nobody does. And, of course, he, like, swings and misses. And I'm like, I couldn't I can't help it. Like, I'm, like, yelling at the coach who was behind the plate. I'm like, he's a lefty. He's a lefty. And they were like, oh.

Patricia Sung [00:22:05]:

And they, like, you know, get him turned around the right side. I was like, how long would have taken that kid to hit the ball if he's a lefty and he's batting right? He would have struck out every time. So it's like, it's my job as your coach to listen to you and your issues and your questions and your problems and your situation, help you identify what you actually need, figure out those obstacles. What are the underlying issues underneath and then figure out what's going to help you get there. Like, cheer you on of, like, okay, we're gonna try this. If it doesn't work, that's okay. We learned something. What do we learn from it? How do we adjust for the this one that we're gonna try now makes more sense? And to be able to offer, like, strategies and tools are like, hey.

Patricia Sung [00:22:41]:

You know what? More frequently, these things work, but, like, sometimes the obvious answer isn't the obvious answer. Because most important, what I want you to leave my coaching feeling is that you know you're not a crappy human. I wanna help you figure out that you're not lazy. It's not that you're not trying hard enough. When you don't why you're struggling, you think it's you. You think you're broken. You think there's something wrong with you. And it's my personal opinion that there's no lost causes when it comes to ADHD.

Patricia Sung [00:23:07]:

I think with the right guidance, everyone with ADHD can be successful. With the right guidance, with the right support, I think everyone with ADHD can be successful. And here's the thing, successful is how you define it. For some of the people that I work with, like, success means figuring out the stuff at home because they wanna start a business, and they know they can't juggle both if their home life is a mess. And for some people being successful means helping your kids thrive in a way that you never did. For some people being successful is showing up for work on time, so you don't get fired. Or trying to catch up on all those reports that you keep saying you're gonna do, but you actually haven't done. And now you're like, if my boss ever finds out that I have 4 months of reports not done, they're gonna fire me.

Patricia Sung [00:23:45]:

Let's work through that. For some people, it's figuring out home stuff because they wanna be able to homeschool. And to be able to homeschool successfully, they need to keep their sanity. So how do we organize both sides of that knowing that you're not going to have a lot of breaks for some people being successful is like I just want to stop scrolling my phone for hours. I want to be present in these little moments with my kids. I don't want these ears to like pass me by because I'm overwhelmed and disassociating and hiding. For some people is that they want to stop yelling at their kids and find a way to communicate so that they don't feel guilty every time it happens. And then you know, you're in their bed giving them kisses after they're sleeping and be like, I'm sorry, I promise I won't do it again and then repeat the whole thing again tomorrow.

Patricia Sung [00:24:24]:

That version of success for them is building the kind of relationship they want with their kids. For some people, it's being able to show up at a vent at school or the neighborhood without being super anxious. And then just like pulling up in the driveway and then you're like, never mind. I'm not going and go back home again. All of these things are things that we can work on in coaching and find resolutions and allow you to be successful in the way that you want and show up in your life the way that you want. And it's my job as your coach to help you figure out what you want and help you get there. Because I don't want your ADHD to be this hurricane that beats you down over and over again. You're like, I can't even get my head above water long enough to take a deep breath.

Patricia Sung [00:25:02]:

Like, I want you to the point where you're, like, learning how to pilot that boat in the storm, captain the boat, pilot the boat. I'm not sure what the right word is there. Like, I want you to be able to ride those waves. I'm not saying I can stop the storm. The storm is gonna come. Life's gonna happen, but I wanna teach you how to rig the sails and steer with the rudder and, like, pack the right supplies so that when you have life at sea, you have packed your waterproof shoes and your sunscreen because life at sea is hard, but it's not impossible when you have the right supplies and skill set you can make it work. If you ever watch the daily catch, they figure out how to make it work. It's probably not the most healthiest solution, but they did.

Patricia Sung [00:25:39]:

So I don't want to say, like, the goal is, well, we're just gonna pretend like you don't live on the water. We're gonna give you skills for desert life. So a lot of times it feels like advice to ADHD is, like, they're telling you how to, like, conserve water. Like, when we see, like, attention deficit, like, you don't have enough attention and, like, you don't have enough water. They're like, well, here's how you conserve water. I'm like, I have too much water. I have too much water. I have too much attention.

Patricia Sung [00:25:59]:

I don't need more attention. I need to know how to direct it. I got lots of water. I need to know how to live here when I'm getting wet and rained on and hurricaneed on. Because the life that somebody in the desert lives, they're not gonna be able to help you during hurricane season, and that's okay. They can be super helpful for the other people living in the desert or on the prairie or in the mountains. But you need somebody who understands, who has ADHD experience to be like, this is what it's like to get beat down by the saltwater. So let's go get the special paint for your boat so that it's not peeling off in 20 seconds.

Patricia Sung [00:26:35]:

What do you do when you're really struggling to calm down? When you're dysregulated and your brain is offline? When Medusa mom is about to rear her ugly head and you don't wanna yell at your kids again, but you also desperately need some time and space to yourself? Well, you're in luck, mama, because I've got a free video resource waiting for you. I'm sharing my top ten tips for what to do when you're losing your cool and you need a reset. Each of these things, you can do in under a minute with no fancy prep so that you can calm down enough to make a different choice than exploding like a volcano on everybody in the vicinity. Now, since it's a video, you can watch what I do for easier practice, and, of course, there's audio plus captions to read it. I also have a little cheat sheet underneath of all the ideas, so you can grab that list, stick it in your phone somewhere, so that on the time where you're, like, totally freaking out, you can go to that list and quickly pick the idea that's going to help you calm down in that moment. Head over to patricisung.comforward/calm, that's c a l m, and download your free video on how you can keep your cool when you're overwhelmed. That's patriciasung.comforward/calm because you can learn how to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family. My goal as your coach is for you to have more self trust Because the more that you trust yourself, the more that you learn to listen to yourself, listen to your gut, like, wherever it is that you describe, like, where you're listening to yourself.

Patricia Sung [00:28:03]:

Like, I want you to be able to tune into that so that you feel more confident when you're making decisions. A lot of times that's why we have trouble making decisions is because we don't trust ourselves, and we are looking for outside information to tell us the right answer instead of looking inward. Like, this is something that I've been working on myself is I have done a ton of work on trusting myself, and I do, but I have a habit of still looking outward for somebody else to tell me the answer. And so right now, what I'm working on is saying, hey, did I look inward first for the answer to that question before I looked outward? Can I look at my decisions and say I trust that and that was the right decision Before I start looking outward for someone else to tell me or some other shiny planner to tell me how to do things, did I check with myself and make sure, like, do I have the answer? Because the goal is never to make you into something you're not, to make you somebody different. I don't wanna cure your ADHD. Trust me if I could. I'm sure I'd make a bazillion dollars. Like, I'm not here to tell you that I'm gonna fix you because I don't think you're broken.

Patricia Sung [00:29:01]:

And anyone who tells you that they're going to cure you or fix you is full of crap. I want you to find the right person for you who is going to make you feel better. Like when you leave coaching, you should feel better, you should feel more at peace, you should feel more calm, you should feel more grounded, like whatever that adjective or feeling is that you want more of that's what you should feel you should not leave coaching frustrated, you should not leave coaching feeling like you weren't heard, you should not leave coaching feeling like wow, I really didn't get what I needed today. That's not good coaching. And, like and if I ever do that, like, I want you to tell me and be like, hey. This didn't work for me. Because as your coach, like, I want that feedback because that tells me what you need. When I know that something didn't work, that's like I get, like, my little mental, like, file system comes out and it's like, oh, this kind of thing didn't work.

Patricia Sung [00:29:53]:

And I start moving the puzzle pieces around, and I'm like, okay. Well, we did something. Like, I still remember when I was I had just started coaching, and I was doing all this stuff visually. And then I found out that one of my clients has aphantasia, which means in their mind, they don't see visual representations of things. And I'm like, what? I needed to know that. Like, I want to know that that didn't work for you because I'm not going to pull out my visual tools for you. I'm gonna pull out different things. I'm gonna word things differently so that we can get you what you need.

Patricia Sung [00:30:22]:

So when you choose your coach, I want you to find the person who is a good match for your skills, who understands you and what you need, is gonna help you figure out what's the actual goal you wanna get to, what are the obstacles you're dealing with, and how do we get you there in a way that fits you. So it feels doable. And you know that you're gonna be successful because you have this partner there working with you to get you where you wanna be. So to sum it all up, when somebody tells me that ADHD coaching is not scientifically proven to help, my immediate reaction is like, how dare you? Then I have to rein it in and be like, okay, Patricia, put on your teacher hat. Let's ask questions here. Because then I'm gonna ask, like, what are you studying? What kind of coaching? What was the outcome that you were going for? And be like, does this all line up? Because I know that ADHD coaching helps based on the hundreds of people that I help. But my metric is helping you trust yourself more, helping you learn how to deal with emotions and not get dysregulated so quickly. My goal is, do you have a place to put all your ideas so they don't feel like they're bouncing around like a pile of ping pong balls just got dumped on you? Like, how do I help you get where you need to be and be the kind of mom and person that you wanna be and how you wanna show up in life? That's my goal.

Patricia Sung [00:31:37]:

And while I don't have a scientific study to prove that, I can look back at my experience in working with 100 of moms and be like, no. No. I'm doing I need to find a scientist. I need to find do I need to find a researcher? Maybe I need to do that, because I know it works. So if you are like Patricia, I want you to be my coach. Of course, you do. Here's what's coming up, and you can stick around and listen to the rest of the episode where I'm gonna explain what Lighthouse looks like now. This is the 4th time I'm running it.

Patricia Sung [00:32:02]:

So I've taken the best out of the 3 times that I ran it and pulled together, like, what's really working. And now I'm like, wow. This was this was really good for. Now it's like, this is great. And you can sign up starting today. Today, you can start signing up today, and it is going to be open until September 10th for this round. We're gonna start on September 12th. So sign up, go to patriciasung.com/lighthouse.

Patricia Sung [00:32:28]:

If it turns out that it's full when you're listening to this episode, drop your name on the wait list, which it'll automatically go to the, wait list page if you try to sign up and it's full. I think probably the next time it's gonna be open is probably, like, end of October, maybe November because, we're gonna wait till, like, the retreat is finished before I open it back up again. But, like, you know, put your name on the wait list, and we'll we'll get it sorted out in case you're listening to this in the future. But I'm really excited with how it's set up. So if you wanna join us, it's patriciasung.com/lighthouse. Go sign up, and, yeah, this is what you're getting. So Lighthouse Group ADHD coaching is a realistic solution for ADHD mamas to finally feel like you have your crap together so you can thrive instead of survive to feel in control of the day to day juggle and show up as the present calm, confident woman in life, family and work without adding way more to your to do list. And we're gonna do it in just 90 days.

Patricia Sung [00:33:30]:

I want you to have a way where your life and motherhood just feels a little bit easier. Because I know that you have already tried a bazillion things. You have tried to get to shore and you're still drowning. You have already found a bazillion suggestions on Google. You tried them all. Pinterest tried it. It's not working. And usually, it's one of these three things.

Patricia Sung [00:33:52]:

You're still drowning because either the advice you're reading is not designed for parents. 2, it's not built for ADHD, or 3, it's actually making you feel worse instead of better. That is contributing to, like, one of the hardest parts about this is that when you continually speak negatively to yourself, you create a confirmation bias where you start looking for all the things that you don't do well, which increases your anxiety, undermines your self esteem. It decreases your productivity because you're wasting all this energy being frustrated instead of using it to move forward. And you know that your kids are watching and you don't want that for them. You want your family to have a joyful, happy, confident mom, and like you deserve to be happy too, and be able to teach all those skills to your kids. So I have taken the best parts of all of my coaching, what I've been working on with my 1 on 1 clients, what we've done in the last 3 groups of Lighthouse, and pulled all the best pieces together to something that is supporting you in, like, a customized way that, like, gets all the nuances of your ADHD brain, makes sense for mom life. And, like, I cut out all the fluffy stuff that you're like, I don't have time for that.

Patricia Sung [00:35:05]:

It's just what you need because it's built for moms with ADHD. In Lighthouse, we are going to get you to the place where not only are you not drowning, but you're building that lighthouse, so you have a beacon of where you're going and you are never lost at sea again. I want you to have time to be able to pursue your dreams and get laundry done. To be able to listen to yourself when you make tough decisions and easily be able to pick what you want. I want you to be confident in sharing your opinions. I want you be able to get your kids to school, like, mostly on time. And our goal here isn't to be perfect. The goal here is to be able to roll with mistakes, to continue to move forward, to be happy being you, so that you can see your brilliance and your strengths, and then run a life that fits you and makes you happy.

Patricia Sung [00:35:51]:

So it doesn't matter if as an ADHD mom, your goal is, like, I just wanna be able to have dinner on the table and not stress about it and not be like, oh my gosh, it's 6:45 and I haven't even thought about that. Or maybe you're like, I wanna be nailing that c suite interview and have the capacity to still volunteer on the PTA while I do my super fancy cool job. Or, like, if you wanna run a goat yoga farm while you homeschool your kids, like, whatever it is that you want to do, I wanna help you understand your ADHD brain, how it works, and find the strategies that are going to help you get there and make that goal happen and enjoy it along the way. So in group coaching, this is a small, compassionate, nonjudgmental community of moms who get it. You are not alone in this journey while you're also getting personalized feedback and support from me as your ADHD coach. Because I want us to work on both sides of the coin. I want us to look at the emotional and, like, energy regulation skills that give you the capacity to show up and be present in life, and then also stock your toolbox with practical tools, strategies, the tools you actually need to make change in your life. So you'll have both.

Patricia Sung [00:37:00]:

Like, I'm here for the mindset and the strategy, the brain changes and the physical tools that are gonna make this happen. When I work with clients, most of the time, these are the skills that we're working on. It's these 6 things. And when you know how to do those, you then can trust yourself more. You then build your confidence. You get to speak up for yourself and hold yourself as worthy and deserving of this work that you're doing so that you can be the emotional family leader that you wanna be and be able to teach your kids these things. So the key six skills that we're gonna work on. In session 1, we're learning how to cultivate calm.

Patricia Sung [00:37:34]:

So I want you to be able to, like, stop whatever, like, the burnout and overwhelm is causing, whether it's a meltdown, a panic attack, the impending feeling of doom. I want you to stop in its tracks and create that anchor of calm and groundedness that radiates throughout your whole family. In session 2, we're going to rewire past patterns. So we're gonna recognize what are the triggers that actually send you into overwhelm so that you can adjust before you explode or disappear or whatever that stress responses that's happening that you won't do anymore, all that yelling, whatever it is. We want you to be able to recognize that before it happens. In session 3, we're gonna protect your mood. This means you'll know how to decrease the effects of others' emotions on your mood so you aren't automatically irritated or annoyed when somebody else in your family is in a bad mood. Like, if you are somebody who's like an emotional sponge or like a highly sensitive person, this session's gonna blow your mind.

Patricia Sung [00:38:26]:

In session 4, we're going to restore self trust. I want you to trust yourself so much that decision making becomes easy, and it also is then going to lessen the effects of RSD, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, by being able to separate yourself from others' opinions. And know when is this something I need to take seriously, and when is this something that I can say that that's not my problem? In session 5, we're going to master energy management, which means we are going to end that burnout cycle by tapping into your natural energy patterns and making sure that you know how to manage your day or your week or your month to fit the energy levels that you have. So, like, especially if you have chronic illness or chronic fatigue, we're gonna look like, how do we set up your day to look successful with the energy that you got today? Expectations minus reality is happiness. So are we setting realistic expectations for where we are? And I've been through a lot of chronic illness struggles and a lot of health issues. So I feel like this is one of the things that I truly am empathetic about and understand what it's like to not be able to do what you wish your body would do and how physical limitations impact your daily life. And then in session 6, we're going to build a flexible family schedule. So this is where we're talking about creating that schedule through time management mastery and building a schedule that fits you and your family and tailoring it to what you need in this season, but then also knowing how to modify as seasons change because kids grow and change and school schedules change and seasons happen.

Patricia Sung [00:39:51]:

So I wanna make sure that you know how to set up your day in a way that makes sense for you. Now we're gonna do all of this in 6 Zoom meetings. You can join at various points in the thing. Like, the way that I've modified it now is that you don't have to start on 1 and go through 6. You can come in if there's space. You can come in at 3 and do 3, 4, 5, 6, and then do 12. So these 6 skills are the things that I am working with most of my clients on. And when you have mastered that, they set the foundation for living well with ADHD.

Patricia Sung [00:40:21]:

And the beautiful thing is if, like you're like, you know what? Well, I don't think RSV is really one of my biggest problems. There's another way that being able to restore your self trust is going to help you. These aren't skills that you like check the box and never learn again. Like, these are skills that we learn and then we build upon. There is always more we can do to cultivate these skills within us. And so like, not to make it sound like you never get it. No, it's not that it said, when we we establish like these basic foundations, we can always use that skill to improve our situation even more. We can, like, we can learn the advanced level of that.

Patricia Sung [00:40:57]:

Because, like, we can say, like, I know how to protect my mood. But, like, if now we're talking about, like, 2 days before my cycle and it's the 1st week of school, my kids are super grumpy and whining about everything and I'm also super grumpy, like, that's a whole another level of trying to protect my mood. Then on carefree Saturday where nothing's going wrong. So these are skills that we will continually master and improve. And like I've been working on these things for probably was 4 years now, and I'm still utilizing them every day. I'm still growing and becoming a better version of myself in each step and every time that I solidify these skills. So we're gonna work on these 6 things in the 6 Zoom meetings. In between, you have our Slack community for support.

Patricia Sung [00:41:40]:

So, like, you can post any time. There's an awesome community in there of successful mama meetups. Like, these moms, like chef's kiss. I love them. They're super supportive. And then we're also something new that I'm doing this round is having office hours. So we meet twice a month. So then twice a month, we would have office hours on the weeks that we're not meeting.

Patricia Sung [00:42:00]:

And that way, you know, like, hey. I'm gonna be here on Slack. If you need anything, I'm right by my phone, and you can ask me questions in real time. And we'll, you know, walkie talkie ish back and forth. But one of my favorite things about this is, like, whatever one of these skills you start on, like, you're gonna see a difference after just one meeting. When we work within neuroplasticity and we start to rewire your brain, which is not a, like, concrete item, you can change the way your brain wires and fires all the time. So, like, you will see after the 1st session, there's a difference here. You'll see that momentum going.

Patricia Sung [00:42:33]:

You'll see a path forward with, like, a real substantial change in that first hour. The way that I don't add a bunch of stuff to your to do list is that your expected commitment is to, like, show up to these sessions. If you can't be there because, like, stuff happens, kids get sick. There's a replay. You can watch it and still do the technique and, like, learn the skill set that we're talking about. But, like, that's the bare minimum to make serious change. Now if you want to, you can do more. Like, this coaching group comes with time major mastery.

Patricia Sung [00:43:02]:

So if you're like, Patricia, I really wanna get a schedule together. Like, you have a resource. You can if you're a detailed person, you wanna go through the whole thing. You wanna learn all the stuff. Yeah. Because I'm like, my just my brain just, like, dumped all kinds of good information in there. You can do that. Or if you're like, Patricia, I just wanna watch the 1 hour speed schedule.

Patricia Sung [00:43:17]:

I'm gonna throw some stuff together. We're gonna keep on trucking. You can do either one. It comes with my morning routine course and my evening routine course. So if those are areas that you're struggling with, that's in there for you. And, like, I basically made this into, like, this is the holy grail of Patricia's ADHD knowledge. It's all here for you. And you got me there in your corner supporting you, answering your questions, helping you get through stuff.

Patricia Sung [00:43:40]:

So you don't ever have to feel like you're alone Because I want you to know that, like, that first time you show up, it's like you got your life jacket. And now you're like, okay. I know I'm not gonna drown. I still know how to swim, but no, I'm not gonna drown. And then we build on it. We're like, we are then, like, getting you a boat. How do we build your boat? We need to get you some oars. Now you can steer.

Patricia Sung [00:43:58]:

Do you need a roof over your head? And, like, we're building up these skills so that you're instead of drowning, you're learning how to navigate the water. You've got your lighthouse there as your beacon of hope to be able to get to shore, and you're no longer just floating about aimlessly. And then it also all my courses come with, like, you got your video replay. It has, like, an AI transcript if you wanna be able to read the captions or you wanna skim through and, like, read it real quick. We have a podcast. There's a private podcast of our live sessions, so, like, you can listen on the go. Like, I just want you to know that, like, this is meant for moms. Like, there's always, like, a random toddler wandering by, like, people put in the chat, like, hold on.

Patricia Sung [00:44:34]:

We're potty training. Be right back. Or my teenager's yelling, be right back. And then you come back and they're like, they just wanted a snack. Like, they can't get their own snack. Like, this is part of life. We will roll with it. This is meant for moms.

Patricia Sung [00:44:46]:

And then the last thing that I'm doing differently this time is I'm adding on the option. If you would like to do 1 on ones with me, you can add on a monthly 1 on 1 to doing the group. Because I know some people just like to have that extra support and accountability. They want to be able to, like, talk about their specific things. So you have that option there. But know, like, these things that I talk about with everybody, it is far more, like, use of, like, your time and your money to be able to, like, learn this in the group session, the things that I work on with pretty much everyone. And then if you wanna do those things on your own of, like, we'll just supercharge you forward because we're in there dealing with, like, the nitty gritty of what you need, we can do that. It's really more of like a stylistically what's your preference.

Patricia Sung [00:45:30]:

Because you don't need 1 on ones in order to learn these skills. I make sure I talk with everybody when we're in group coaching. It's not like, I don't know about you, but, like, I really it drives me bonkers when you have, like, group coaching, but then, like, one person gets to have help, and then there's, like, 400 people watching and they don't actually get to participate. To me, that's not the same thing as coaching. That's a demonstration. So, like, I want you to know that, like, yes, you are in a group, but it's not a big group. It's a small group, and I know everyone. I know what you need.

Patricia Sung [00:45:57]:

I understand how you work because that's how I be the best coach for you. So nobody's gonna get left behind. This is truly a wonderful group of moms that support each other, and, like, we're all coming from a similar place. And that's one of the questions I get asked the most is like, well, you know what? I'm kinda shy or, like, I don't know about this or, like, what if I'm afraid to say, like, what's going on? And I'm like, we're all here because of the same thing. We're all here with, like, fairly similar situations. Like, we yes. We're all very different people. But, like, when you look at the struggles of what moms with ADHD have, there's a lot of common themes, and most of us are dealing with most of the same issues.

Patricia Sung [00:46:36]:

And that's one of the best parts about being in this group is, like, then you get to see, like, it's not me. It's not me. I'm not the one messed up. I'm not the one who's broken. Everyone here is dealing with these things, and that is such a relief. That's why I have successful mom and me nips community. So I want you to know you're not alone. So this is what lighthouse looks like.

Patricia Sung [00:46:56]:

And if you're like, hey, I think this might be for me, but I have questions. Please go onto my website. You can then sign up for a coffee chat, and we can message back and forth on WhatsApp and answer your questions. I want you to feel really comfortable when you show up here. I want you to know that this is the right thing for you. I don't want anyone coming in being, like, showing up from fear tactics. I don't want anyone showing up being, like, well, I don't know. Maybe this isn't a good idea.

Patricia Sung [00:47:19]:

And, like, no. I want you to show up with the energy of, like, we are gonna make some changes. We're gonna get our crap together. I want you to be excited to know what's ahead and how life can be so much better. So please reach out, sign up for a coffee chat if you have questions, go to my website, read all the details. Its patriciasung.com/lighthouse. Put your name on the wait list if it's closed right now, and I'll reach out when there's an opening. Like, I want you to have the support that you need and get you to a place where you're really happy, that your head's above water and you know how to swim.

Patricia Sung [00:47:52]:

So patriciasung.com/lighthouse. I cannot wait to see you in there, and have an amazing day. Successful, mama. For more resources, classes, and community, head over to my website, motherhoodinadhd.com.

Podcast EpisodePatricia SungProductivity, ADHD coach, Parenting, Relationships, relationships, emotional regulation